Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Paper or Plastic

1. "But I don't want to play North Korean Astronaut."

2. "Mommy, I'm really beginning to think you like my brother best."

3. She thought she had figured out how to keep the little brat quiet. It worked eventually.

4. "Baby David Carradine, you take that bag off your head right this instant."

5. "If only your father had bagged it. Never too late, I guess."

Wednesday, February 15, 2017



Best of Russ in Oregon
Vasectomies are just too expensive under Obamacare.


Best of Kaptain Krude
'ow to speak Australian: home surgery kit.


Best of Mr. Right
"The Do-It-Yourself Sex Change Operation" was easily the worst selling self-help video of all time.


Best of Kaptain Krude
"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many anal bleeds if I just kept my finger out of there," a grown-up

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Valentine's Day with Matt Lauer

1. "So, I trust date night with Chris Matthews went well."

2. "The handcuffs weren't nearly as kinky as the butt closures."

3. And then Al Roker came out in buttless leather chaps and it was Andrew Sullivan's favorite Today Show ever.

4. "Our safety word is 'Barack.'"

5.   "After the commercial break, we'll check and see how the gerbil is doing."

Best of Dr. Doom
Number 17 on the list of ways you can tell that your car wash probably comes with a free rim job...

Best of Best of
Still a better romantic movie than "Twilight."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Hey, Harrison Ford, I've got a new key ring for you!"

Best of Rooted in Him
ORA - "You, me, handcuffs. Must it always end this way?"

Best of Best of
"Only on Today." No sh*t.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"... so when we searched the traps, we found at least a dozen of these little monsters running around. A little zap from the cattle prod, and they're mostly docile. But the problem is, they're breeders. You could be overrun on these within a few weeks. Would you like to pay for the extra Diamond Plan, in which we not only trap 'em, but also haul 'em off for an extra $25 per month?"