Friday, March 24, 2017

Breaker Breaker


"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round."

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Well, My Work Here Is Done.


1. "You... into the cornfield."
2. "Has anyone seen my Samsung tablet?"
3. "Pyrokinesis rocks!"
4. The young redneck forgot that you're supposed to ask someone to hold your beer *before* setting something on fire.
5. "Hey, I wanna be in a meme, like that one little girl. So, I set your double-wide on fire. Don't worry, I'll share the internet profits with you."

Monday, March 20, 2017

"I Won't Be Ignored"

Schneider


1. "But you said you loved me!"

2. "Come on, I got my oral sex face on and everything!"

3.  "And I am telling you I'm not going/ You're the best man I'll ever know..."'

4. "But... I've got a Porsche!"

5. It is notoriously difficult to get attention from Foot Locker employees.

Friday, March 17, 2017

Do Fries Go with that Shake?


1. "Like many Americans, we enjoy our meals of hamburger sandwiches and French-fried potatoes."

2. "I didn't see 'muffburgers' on the menu. Where do you get off ordering a 'muffburger?"

3. "Remember when Goldman Sachs used to fly us on private jets to give speeches for a half-million dollars a pop? Good Goddess, we have to get Chelsea in Office."

4. "How was I supposed to know the locks on the Women's Restroom were broken?"

5. "I swear the gal operating the fryalator used to be their Director Social Media."

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Dawgs on Top



1. "Liberal chicks... bestiality... I'm set either way."

2. Judging by the tissue on the dashboard, I think this guy jacks off in his car a lot.

3. True dedication to a fetish means amputating three fingers so you can properly perform "the Shocker."