Tuesday, December 31, 2013

And we close out the year with this...



Best of dadoctah
After tying him to the roof of the car, Mormon Mitt Romney compounds the abuse by serving him decaf.

Best of GregMan
"Another year gone by. At least I didn't get eaten by the Obamas in 2013, so it was a good year."

Monday, December 30, 2013

And this one, too


1. Internship Training at the Clinton Global Initiative.

2. "Did the Safe School Czar explain exactly how this prevents bullying?"

3. The quality of the American education system has gotten so bad even pr0n studios have to provide on-the-job training.

4. "C'mon, girls, it's not the most humiliating thing you'll be asked to do while working at the New York Times."  One month later, they published their Benghazi investigation.

5. "Now, chomp down really hard and rip the glans right off!" What really goes on in a Womyn's Studies class.

Threadwinner:  Submariner
    "Welcome to your freshman year at Sandra Fluke High School, girls..."

Beast of  Dr. Doom
"Girls today we will learn how to pass the driver's test,", instructed the Driver's Ed teacher, "If any of you would like extra credit, please see me after class..."

Beast of  metalgarth
    The sequel to "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble" lacked the subtlety of the original

Beast of  GregMan
    "But when do we have to blow on it?"
    Phyllis was always a bit of a slow learner, even in Health Class.

Beast of  chronos the wonder pig
    At the BJ Trade School we guarantee you a job after graduation!!

Beast of  Submariner
    I think I'm gonna like this Bronkowitz remake of "Two Mules for Sister Sarah."

Beast of  Beast of 
    Because theocrats

Beast of  Jay Guevara
    "Am I doing it right, Professor Lewinsky?"

Beast of  Mr Hankey
American Idol tryouts takes on a new reality perspective on what it really takes to get to & succeed in Hollywood.

Unfinished Business

It's that time of year when I throw out the pics I never, for one reason or another, got around to using. Like this one. 


Best of Dr. Doom
    Wow Dawn's head really did explode... I always thought that was just a metaphor...

Best of GregMan
    Shawn finally figures out ObamaCare, with predictable results.

Best of racerboy
    Standard Cap #8: Where will you be when your laxative kicks in?

Best of Submariner
    Well, Officer, I was driving through the park, sort of, um, jerking off, and then my d!ck exploded...

Best of Submariner
    Man! I am REALLY impressed! Most of the time the seagulls just bomb the outside of a car...

Best of dadoctah
I'm not even going to ask what this Sonic Drive-In commercial was supposed to be promoting.

Best of dadoctah
    Remember, kids: tapioca pudding and driving don't mix!

Best of John Schneider
    The recession is hurting everyone. Peter North had to take a part time job at a car wash.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Muslim Imams in Trouble, a Samuel L. Bronkowitz Production


Best of Dr. Doom
    I see the MSNBC Advance Team has arrived in Yemen...

Best of dadoctah
    Go ahead, squeal like a pig. That makes it *really* kinky!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Gosh mister, for an old fella you sure are nervous. Some guys freak when they hear a cop siren, but what's a drone and what's it sound like?

Best of Dr. Doom
    Man getting a cab in New York has gotten brutal, just brutal...

Best of Submariner
    A crack NYT investigative journalist gets the scoop on Benghazi:
    "So, >slurp!< only protesters upset by a video attacked, right?"
    "Yes, or no, whatever you want me to say; just don't stop. And yes you can quote me infidel whore..."

Best of Mr Hankey
    No no no...it's perfectly fine as long as you are kneeling towards Mecca...

Best of jimmy
    Meg Ryan! Get out of my back yard!

Friday, December 20, 2013

Bwahahahahahaha


Congratulations... It's a Squid

Original Caption: "Excuse me, sir, do have a moment to hear the good news about our Lord Cthulu."


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Oh, Why the Hell Not


1. "Hipster in a Onesie" - The Morrissey Song Title Generator must have spat this one out.
2. After an exhaustive search, MSNBC finally located the one man in America who might... and I must emphasize... MIGHT... lose a slap-fight to Chris Hayes.
3. The Platonic Ideal of an MSNBC viewer.

Threadwinner: GregMan
    Wear pajamas.
    Drink hot chocolate.
    Tell your parents how you're just not interested in girls.
    #ComeOutOfTheCloset
    barackobama.com/takeitinthebutt

Best of metalgarth
    Rachel Maddow's current Christmas Picture was the lamest one yet

Best of Submariner
    Jon Edwards is GOOD!

Best of domo arigato
    Wear plaid pajamas.
    Put up Christmas lights.
    Drink coffee black.
    No one will suspect I'm gay.

Best of dadoctah
    Eddie Deezen cosplay: ur doin it...pretty much spot-on.

Best of Mr. Roboto
    "This will be great. Seriously, I always tell politicians to wear red plaid when they are up for reelection in flyover country. It just screams regular guy American."

Best of Steve O
    Wistfully remember your long revoked Man card.
    Wear your watch to bed.
    Talk about getting health insurance.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    Have you ever met somebody, and within two seconds, you have decided that you hate that person and want to punch them as hard as you can right between the eyes?
    Stewart was a weekly regular at the optometrist's office.

Best of Submariner
    Webster's Collegiate called, Brent:
    They'd like to use your picture in the 2014 edition as an illustration for "Twink."

Best of Steve O
    IIIII'm a lumberjack and I'm okaaaaayyy!!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Wear pajamas in parents' living room
    Drink hot chocolate
    Ask mom for more hot chocolate

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Well, SOMETHING Was Hung by the Chimney with Care




Best of Double the U
    Jebus, the Food Network keeps getting weirder and weirder.

Best of dadoctah
Attention George Lucas: the Star Wars Holiday Special is no longer the biggest WTF in Christmas-programming history.

Best of metalgarth
    Dear Strongbad: Have you ever had a homoerotic Christmas fantasy?
    crapfully yours,
    Metalgarth

Best of Dr. Doom
Ang Lee's Mexican Wrestling Christmas Extravaganza was about what everyone expected. It did give MSNBC a brief bump in their ratings though...

Best of dadoctah
Which one's Currier and which one's Ives?

Best of Submariner
When she saw this, Miley Cyrus was reported tohave exclaimed "I have a great idea for my next concert tour!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
    Up next: Ang Lee reimagines Two And A Half Men.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    What the loser in the one-piece jammies is wishing was under his tree.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Groped by Joe Biden

You may be excused for throwing up in your mouth a little.


Best of Double the U
    The Biden's explain what is really meant by Health Care "exchanges"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Joe's Thawtballoon: Unlike Barack, I can do this sort of stuff and not risk death by giant eatin' shovel.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "Come on, giggle like the little Pillsbury dough boy! Giggle, Damn you!"

Best of dadoctah
    And how about that other guy? Could his tie *be* any longer?

Best of Kaptain Krude
People wondered where ol' Joe got his "give two blasts from your shotgun" advice from, and now we know.

How was your weekend?



Best of Dr. Doom
    Meet Mr. March in Barney Frank's Interns of the 113th Congress calendar...

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
    If you like your naked, drunken stupidity, you can keep your naked, drunken stupidity. Period.

Best of GregMan
Drunk, naked and swinging from an inner tube is no way to go through life, son. Unless you're a democrat.

Best of metalgarth
    These Superbowl ads don't really make any sense, do they?

Best of Submariner
    Cap This! Public Service Announcement:
    Betting on Dallas for the win will occasionally work out. However, just like virginity in a house of ill repute, there is absolute certainty that your dignity will eventually be lost.

Best of dadoctah
    To be perfectly honest, I think Kia should have stuck with the rapping hamsters.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    NEA performance art grant idea. Boooorrrrinnng!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Going Down



1. "Showboating Whackobird!" "Reidsucking Sheep-Pimp."

2. Cruz Missile: "You crapped your pants again didn't you?"
    Landslide McCain: "Yeah, my friend, but now the elevator's mine!"

3. "I can smell the death on you."

Best of  metalgarth
so... ya wanna make out like a couple middle aged world leaders at a funeral?

Best of  Double the U
Senator... you have pooped yourself again.

Best of  dadoctah
This little stare-down would end a lot quicker if Senators had antlers.

Best of  Dr. Doom
Somehow I can't shake the image of Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog punching the time clock after a long day...

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
McCain: Just between you and me, I hate this coed bathroom. It's so freaking small and crowded I always end up peeing on my shoes.
McCain: I remember when this elevator was operated by a skinny black dude named Rufus. Now we have to push the damn buttons ourselves. This world is going to hell in a handbasket.

Best of
The buddy film no one's waited for, Over the Top 2: Armed and Dementia-ridden, coming to a Sunday morning talk show near you.

Best of  jimmy
Cruz thoughtbubble: "It's just as I thought...that isn't a hearing aid. It's an alien mind control device."
McCain thoughtbubble: "Oooh, pretty. Shiny. Oh, hell I crapped my pants again."

Best of  Jack Reacher
    "For the last time, John, I'm not Ricky Ricardo, and we're not at the Tropicana Club."

Best of  Styx
"Hey, Cain. What's up. Say, some of the guys, we been talking. And, uh, we're not really sure why you want to be a republican. We kind of think maybe you'd be happier as a democrat. Think about it man, all your friends are democrats. Hey, if you want to switch parties... we're cool with that. We can still be friends and all."

Best of  Submariner
If ONLY this was that episode of the Twilight Zone where...

Best of  dadoctah
    Ted: "You're nuts. Aquaman would totally win in a fair fight."
    John: "What are you smoking? The Sub-Mariner would whoop his ass!"
    Ted: "I get this feeling there's something more important we should be discussing, but I can't for the life of me think what it might be...."

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

State Funerals Are a Great Place to Nail Some Trim, Unless You Get Cockblocked by a Bitter Klingon



Best of Dr. Doom
"Oh hello there," extemporized the President, "Are you here representing the Chalk Faced Whores?"

Best of jimmy
    It's a shame Spike Lee fell asleep just as all this drama was going on right behind him.

Best of metalgarth
    The remake of "Jungle Fever" was... about... as interesting as the original version, I guess.

Best of Whacko
    Looks like the Obamas will be taking separate planes home again.

Best of Submariner
Middle picture, Barry's thawt bubble: "Blonds don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookies are known to do that."
Last picture, Barry's thawt bubble: "New strategy; ALWAYS let the Wookie win..."

Beware the Groping DIABLO

Some days, it really sucks to have a day job, when they're just teeing these up out there.


Monday, December 09, 2013

Yup, still working...



Best of
    must... get... Pepsi

Best of Submariner
    Loudspeaker voiceover:    "Large polymorphic gelatinous clean up needed in aisle 8."

Best of dadoctah
    "Help! I've fallen, and I can't get Seven-Up!"

Best of jimmy
   Eric Cartman: The Golden Years

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ralph Edwards (I know! From beyond the grave, right?): Chris Christie, This is YOUR Life!

Best of Rodney Dill
    That's what you get for trying to bulls-eye womprats in an overloaded T-16

Best of Kaptain Krude
    If you like your Pepsi, you can keep it!

Friday, December 06, 2013

More Random B&W



Best of GregMan
"A good stiff shot of this strychnine will take care of any non-ObamaCare-supporting Republican bastards."

Best of Jay Guevara
    "Yep, just as I thought. Go tell Stan she's pregnant."

Best of jimmy
"This is the stuff right here. Yeah, that man had the NERVE pinch my behind and call me 'babe'...so I gave him one shot of this and he was a babbling, incoherent wreck for nearly six months! Charlie Sheen knows better than to mess with THIS nurse."

Best of Submariner
Evidently, he's going to stick with that crazy story that "It CAN'T be an STD - all I did was ride the pony."

Best of Jack Reacher
    "He's dating Andrew Sullivan? Girl, he's gonna need a bigger dose."

Best of Jack Reacher
   "This is for the patients. We keep the good stuff in my desk drawer, Phyllis."

Threadwinner Dr. Doom
    If Dr. McCoy had access to a holodeck...

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Radiohead

Unfortunately, I have a reputation at work as the guy who can fix projects after they've totally gone too sh-t. As a result, no time to blog. So... you're on your own with these black and white pics from Shorpy.


Best of GregMan
"Hey, I could use this to broadcast meaningless drivel 140 characters at a time! I'll caall it... Twatter!"

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
If you can't get connected on the ObamaCare Website, try using Morse code on a spark-gap transmitter.

Best of Dr. Doom
1916: Millicent Hucksucker of Fort Lee NJ becomes the first liberal to be indoctrinated by the mainstream media.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Little known Political Factoid #832- As a chubby kid, Anthony Wiener used his crystal radio to surf for sausage-themed vaudeville acts.

Best of Whacko
"Scientology Headquarters to Tom Cruz. Come in, Tom. Over.:

Best of Jay Guevara
Democrat Party headquarters: "Hello, come in Moscow ... come in Moscow ... standing by for instructions. Over."

Best of Kaptain Krude
A young Christina Matthews feels a thrill go up her leg as she listens to a speech by a young Senator from Illinois.

Best of Submariner
ORA: A young Ray Walston experiments with a show concept whiel attached to the Second City troup. It would eventually lead to a lucrative career with Bill Bixby.



Monday, December 02, 2013

Roseanne Barr Is Quitting Television


1. "Fly monkeys, Fly!"

2. Ugly, fat, and batsh-t crazy is no way to go through life, son. Though it can get you a talk show on MSDNC.

3. "Kobe!"

Best of Submariner
    Welcome to the 2014 Hunger Games election season!
    Brought to you for the midterms by Obamacare...

Best of GregMan
    "I am Vartox, ruler of The Three Galaxies! Obey me!"
    Sadly, this was one of the least weird things Rosanne has actually said recently...

Best of jimmy
"Yes, I'm leaving show business to accept a new, exciting position as Obama's new press spokesman." [/grabs crotch; spits]

Best of Markus ARyanas
    "Roseanne sexed it up with Markus ARyanas, how was he, Rosie?"

Hillary Declares It To Be Twoo

Brender and Russ 


1. Hillary gives her best estimate of how wide the cells will be when all who oppose her are sent to re-education camps.

2. "And then she came at me, but I wasn't going to let that $99 flat screen outta my hands, so I decked her and she went back this far..."

 3. And then Hillary demonstrated his she could double-fist Sandra Fluke and still have room to clap to the tune of the 'Friends' thene song.


Best of dadoctah
    Hildawg tries to kick off a round of "YMCA".

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "..and Barry's only 1/2 black!!"

Best of Submariner
    Hil signals the waiter on the size of the toddler she would like for her main course.

Best of Jay Guevara
    "So I turned around and looked in the bowl, and so help me God ..."

Best of dadoctah
Would someone with Photoshop skillz be so kind as to add a big crackling blue-white electrical bolt between Hillary's opposing poles?

Best of Kaptain Krude
    Worst. Robot dance. Ever.

Best of Best of
    I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!

Best of Dr. Doom
    Hillary demonstrates the size of her 'credibility' gap...

Best of Steve O
    The former first lady tells a lie about the first black President.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Baby Jesus Would Be So Proud

Hat Tip: Scotty 

 

Best of jimmy You ignorant piece of s#it! It's "po-in-set-E-uh, not "po-in-set-uh! [/whap whap]  

Best of Jay Guevara "Newton's notation for calculus is better!" "No, Leibniz's notation is way better!"

Best of Kaptain Krude "It's MY eatin' shovel!" "No, it's MY eatin' shovel!" (In the meantime, Dawn's head has a-sploded.)  

Best of Dr. Doom This is what happens when you run out of Butt Closures on Black Friday people. Watch and learn...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston I'm willing to bet they weren't arguing about whether ISON made it past its perihelion.

Best of GregMan Queue the David Attenborough voiceover...  

Best of Submariner Smelly Pirate Hookers In Trouble: The new Samuel L Bronkowiz film for the Christmas season 2013!

Heh... exploding whale... neat...

My Whale Explodes with Delight.


1. The new Tampax commercials sure did the push the envelope.

2. "If you like your rotting whale intestines, you can keep your rotting whale intestines."

3. And proceding to number 441,567 on the list of things I would rather be doing than going to a Walmart on Black Friday... 

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Count the Turkeys


1. SCOAMF Thoughtbubble: "Damn that turkey has a nice ass."

2. "And so the Vice President thought it would be a great idea to drop 200 turkeys just like this one from a helicopter at the White Flint Shopping Mall."

3. "40 million of these will be eaten on Thursday... the perfect anthrax vector. My plan to exterminate White America is nearly complete."

Best of Submariner
Hell, I've already given Biden a pass for 5 years so I figured, why not another white turkey?

Best of Submariner
Thawt bubble: "That's something I don't see every day; well-developed breasts..."

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    Unlike your elderly aunt, Obama Cares about the turkey.

Best of Markus ARyanas
"If you REALLY want to hear them gobble, just put your finger in their ass, watch!"

Best of curly
    “I guess this balances my karma, since I killed the goose that laid the golden eggs.”

Best of Kaptain Krude
    ORA: "Man, you don't want to be no jive turkey!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Of course I'm going to pardon this turkey," Obama grinned. "It's not like he's going to be hit in a drone strike, is he?" Moments after Obama had to leave to make another important appointment, the turkey was obliterated in a drone strike.

Best of jimmy
Given mommy M'Chel's ravenous appetite, this is the closest the girls will ever get to a fully-intact turkey.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "If the turkey likes being alive, the turkey can stay alive. PERIOD. Let's eat!"

Best of Double the U
So then I told the public, "If you like this turkey we will keep this turkey." and five minutes later they took the bird away and cut the damn things head off.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Sliding your weiner into a ditch; you're doing it wrong


1. "OnStar Assistance, what's your emergency?" "Hi, I sild off the road and now my weiner is stuck and I can't get it out." Click.

2. You should have seen how big that weinermobile was before it got cold.

3. If you're weinermobile remains stuck in a ditch for more than four hours, call your doctor.

Best of adamsunderground
    Clearly the earth moved

Best of metalgarth
    Product placement in "Ice Road Truckers" is a risky idea.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston    
Anthony Wiener's Xmas card

Best of Submariner
You just KNOW it's going to be a long, crappy winter when you start it by losing control of your wiener...

Best of Jay Guevara
    "Are you sure this is the way to Sandra Fluke's house?"

Best of Steve O
    Do women know about... slippage?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    James Bond had an Astin Martin.
    Carlos Danger?...

Best of Steve O
    Not the wurst accident I've seen...

Knocked Out


1. Albino Discrimination; the Pale Holocaust.

2. Thoughtbubble: "That's it, Mr. Big Burly Police Man, bundle me in you manly arms and haul me away. Rough me up a little if I resists. That's right... You want me, baby."

3. "And I'm going to stay here and hold my breath until the entire military-industrial complex is dismantled."

Best of adamsunderground
On holiday from Matrix drudgery, Agent Smith recharges his soul with relaxing tunes, threads, and a kicky new hairdo.

Best of adamsunderground
    Charades:
    Speedbump Tsarnaev!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Hollywood Factoids You Didn't Know #837: Peter Sellers' classic "Dr. Strangelove" was filmed entirely in the mother of all "strange love" cities.

Best of Submariner
Uh, better get up, Geoffrey; I checked and Obamacare doesn't cover getting run over during a protest unless the specific object of the protest is George W Bush.

Threadwinner: curly
    Maybe those “disadvantaged teens” who play the knockout game are on to something…

Best of jimmy
Seen at MSDNC studios: the entire viewership of Alec Baldwin's late, un-lamented talk show arrives to protest its cancellation.

Monday, November 25, 2013

The SCOAMF Gets His Picture Taken to Prove He Actually Works



1. "Whew! That was hard work signing that pardon for Mumia Abu Jamal. Well, off to the golf course. Is my helicopter ready?"

2. "Does he usually spend all morning scratching the eyes out of pictures of Chris Wallace."

3. "Just a, um, minute while I write this, um, note to um, Reggie Love. Any of you know how to spell, um, rimjob?"

4. Obama took to writing personal thank you notes to everyone who successfuly signed up for Obamacare. It took fifteen minutes.

5. "And now I sign this historic treaty with Iran that will end the threat of... Did you guys just see a blinding white flash?" 

Best of Double the U
The chief of staff had to keep reminding Obama to stop sticking out his tongue when working on the coloring book.

Best of Dr. Doom
President Obama, signs the bill repealing the first amendment while adoring reporters look on...

Best of Submariner
President Obama, amends the Bill of Rights by deleting the 1st, 2nd and 4th Amendments and editing the 10th to read "The powers not delegated specifically to a State by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the Federal Government, are reserved to the Executive Fiat of the President of the United States, NOT to the people." while adoring reporters look on...
Best of GregMan
The Preezy signs an executive order sending all news photographers to the Soylent Green factory while adoring reporters look on...

Best of Submariner
President Obama looks up from signing a tax-payer funded purchase order for gold-plated eatin' shovels for Christmas, realizes the quantity of adulation in the room is down a photographer or two, and adds 12 cases of Boob wine to the order.
    He smiles and thinks; "It's GOOD to be teh King!"

Best of metalgarth
   "7 Across, People who drive you crazy N _ G G E R S"

Best of Submariner
    19 Down: Honest Democrat (2 words)
    F A I _ Y T A L _

Best of Steve O
Needing another foreign policy debacle to distract from his latest domestic debacle, Obama gives nuclear weapons to Iran.

Best of Submariner
Dear Penthouse, I never believed yoyur letters until this really happened to me. Rahm and I were heading to Man Country when...

Best of Kaptain Krude
    Don't be fooled into thinking that he is really working. He's actually playing pencil golf.

Best of Steve O
    Hmmn. 32 down. What's a SCOAMF?

Friday, November 22, 2013

Personally, I've Never Lost Anything I Wanted Back That Bad


1. Wow, that Martin Bashir guy really likes corn!

2. One of the frequently overlooked aspects of New Jersey politics; body disposal.

3. This new sexual fetish is known on Urban Dictionary as "Martin Bashiring."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
 Really poor instructional videos are the chief reason indoor toilets haven't caught on in the 3rd world countries.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
Anything to save the gerbil!

Best of Jay Guevara
    Visual metaphor for saving Obamacare.

Best of Submariner
    Nope. No votes for Franken, but I think these just might be the President's college transcripts...

Best of Dr. Doom
The San Francisco City Council engages in a team building exercise...

Best of Kaptain Krude
"...and a couple of empty cans, and... hey! Here it is! I finally found Obama's new popularity numbers!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"It's full of stars!"

Best of curly
Finding the “Plumbing For Dummies” book too onerous, George opted to use the tips that he found in “Plumbing For Obama Supporters” instead.

Best of GregMan
    "Hey look, the source code for the ObamaCare website!"

Best of Steve O
All I want to know is how that conversation went. "Hey Bill, why don't I take off my pants and hold your ankles while I lower you into a s--- hole?

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Tit for Tat

Brender

1. "Full size reproduction of Pablo Picasso's Guernica? Sure, we can do that."

2. "So, how's Salacious Crumb these days?"

3. "Are you aware there's an entire colony of people living in your buttcrack?"

Best of metalgarth
    Luckily, you can get tattoo ink by the gallon at Costco.

Best of Submariner
    "...and a tramp stamp of the Golden Corral logo..."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Noooo, it's really not a good time to say, "Wait, I think I've changed my mind."

Best of Submariner
    Sam looked in the mirror: "Oh boy..."

Best of Dr. Doom
    Unfortunately the next customer expired while awaiting his turn. He would decompose completely before the full body tattoo was completed...

Best of Rodney Dill
    That's no moon, that's a fully functional Deathstar.

Best of curly
    Where creepy ass crackers are born.

Best of Mr Hankey
    Yessir, I do agree that this will get you the chicks.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Think Kink



1. Healthcare.gov replaces Obamacare Girl and aims at the core Democrat Demo.

2. Obama's revised Marine Corpse BDU's were even more reviled.

3. "Well, Martin Bashir can p-ss and sh-t in our mouths any time," enthused MSDNC's core demo.

Best of Double the U
    Welcome to the White House Christmas party, may I check your hat?

Best of metalgarth
    Alternate Universe #XT43559:    Rob Halford and Lady Gaga are the fashion police. You will wear what they say to.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Ever notice how the 17th in line for the British throne sorta does whatever the hell he pleases?

Best of curly
    “You mean ObamaCare covers sex transplants AND bleeding rectum syndrome? That’s FABULOUS!”

Monday, November 18, 2013

Standing Room Only


1. Looks like the Tech Support Surge has arrived to save Obamacare.

2. Chicago Flash Mob steals an entire train; media still not interested.

3. "All Aboard the Ennui Express!"

Best of  adamsunderground
Moments just before Thomas the Tank Engine purposely derails himself on a bridge, shouting Asian slurs the entire way down.

Best of  mega
"Finally, once operational, the high-speed train will provide a great alternative for busy senior executives shuttling between LA and San Francisco."

Best of  Submariner
    Not exaclty how I remember Don Cornelious' intro...

Best of  GregMan
    "Pardon me boy, is that the Sringbaliramdasmumba choo-choo..."

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
One More Time! 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, ya take one down and pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall...

Friday, November 15, 2013

Sex Trek: The Next Penetration

There's apparently another pr0n parody. Worth the read.



Best of Carpe Phlogiston
OMFG Scottie, the teleporter is malfunctioning! Troi is dematerializing joint by joint while Dem Bones Dem Bones is playing on the intercom! Oh the humanity!  

Best of Son Of The Godfather  I think an awesome band name would be "Dissolving Betazoid"... Who's in?!  

Best of mega 
  I sense that....I am feeling your....My empathy is giving me a vision of....@*$&!*($@ Shit, didn't see that one coming, Riker. Towel, please.  

Best of Dr. Doom
Riker initiates his favorite holodeck program, Troi Servicing the Photon Torpedo...





Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Eye Bleach --- Please



1. Calista Flockhart decided to have a few snacks while waiting for HealthCare.gov to load
2. The next week, a memo went out to the entire IT Department clarifying the policy on 'Casual Fridays.'
3. "I found the problem. Turns out, I ate your CRT monitor."

Best of Jay Guevara
    "No problem. I'll have Healthcare.gov up and running in a jiffy."

Best of Double the U
    Every time I try to tell people how good Linux is, this guy shows up.

Best of Robert
    Interactive pr0n - you're doing it wrong.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    Seriously, Submariner amigo... TURN.OFF.YOUR.WEBCAM.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    "Mom! I told you never to disturb me when I'm hacking!... Wait, did you say "pie"?"

Best of dadoctah
    ORA: "Shut up, Meg."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    MENSA Member: Both IQ and BMI = 150

Best of Rodney Dill
    The years have not been kind to Leeroy Jenkins.

Best of mega
    Who knew Charles Johnson had a son?

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Dude! You got a Dell! And I've got the munchies!" Turns out, Dell was right in firing the Dell Guy.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Large Women Against Energy Independence



1. Before the fall of the Colonies, Caprica had its own version of the Westboro Baptists.

2. You know what the real appeal of environmental extremism is? All those hot, hot women.

3. Before the fall of the Colonies, Caprica was very concerned about overpopulation.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Chris Farley Christie Honors Veterans Day



I can't caption this. My eyes are burning and my mind is frozen in horror.


Best of Best of
    Why we fight!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    It was supposed to be a harmless practical joke, but Dub suffered a stroke when the Sick Intercourses Ltd. singing telegram lady showed up.

Best of GregMan
    Man, it's gonna take a whole case of Boob Wine to erase that image from by brain...

Best of Submariner
    Agnes's biggest mistake was signing up for the Donner expedition...

Best of Submariner
    How dub sees the average runway model.

Best of Dr. Doom
If HHS ran a GoDaddy style ad campaign for Healthcare.gov, it would look something like this...

Saturday, November 09, 2013

Hang in There, Baby, Friday's Coming



Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
    Look Ma, no clothes!

Best of  adamsunderground
    Another jogger fed up with chafed nipples snaps and goes all Wile E. Coyote out in the desert.

Best of  adamsunderground
    It's a hard rock life, lil Annie Leibovitz.

Best of  Dr. Doom
    A perfect metaphor for the Amerikkkan taxpayer...

    (Translation for our conservatively challenged readers: Stripped naked and hanging by a fingernail...)

Best of  Submariner
    No, Cheryl, "naked assent means... oh nevermind. Carry on, dear."

Friday, November 08, 2013

You're the One

Brender


1. Those who questioned the need to spend $400 Million in taxpayer dollars building the giant rubber duck were denounced as "extremists," "radical tea-baggers," and, naturally, racists.

2.Washed away by Superstorm Sandy, Governor Christie's ducky was eventually located in Perth Amboy.

3. Still, a more appealing alternative to Hillary and Krispy Kreme for 2016. 

Best of adamsunderground
    "Sub-creatures! Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, the Traveller has come!"

Best of Dr. Doom
    Village Voice Movie Review.   In Ghostbusters 4, Ernie's rubber duck comes to life in order to seek revenge on Picard and Gandalf for what they did to Elmo. This film is all we have come to expect from an Ang Lee feature...

Best of dadoctah
    Aiieee!!! Ahiru!!!

Best of dadoctah
"People of Earth, have no fear. We have taken this familiar form that you might understand us."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Crowd Thawtbubble: We're gonna need a bigger bathtub!

Best of Submariner
    If Ernie was in charge of breaching the security at Troy...

Thursday, November 07, 2013