Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Beachballs and the Pornification of American Culture


1. The organizers of the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade never invited Hooters back again.

2. Confident of victory, Anthony Weiner (a.k.a. Carlos Danger) had his team prepare festive balloons for Election Night.

3.Fluid Air Products readies another shipment.

4. Denied the opportunity to pelt the Texas Legislature with bloody tampons, the Feminist Alliance adopted a different tack.

5. By 2018, the competition among nubile actresses for the few remaining, non-internet pr0n movie jobs led to an arms race in the plastic surgery business. 

22 comments:

metalgarth said...

Once Bloomberg heard that they were "sugartits", he had them banned

GregMan said...

CapThis Totally Predictable Caption #52,835: "Mom?"

Anonymous said...

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Anonymous said...

"Pre-oiled?!" the co-founder of Bouncy Bewbs, LP shrieked, "This was not part of the plan in the beginning. I never should have compromised my vision of realistic, pendulous beauties, handcrafted in the USA."

Anonymous said...

Militant atheism won the day when all religion was purged from the public square and all its statues were retrofitted to reflect Man's greatness.

Anonymous said...

To some, it's just another job;
to others, it's living the dream.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

You can almost hear the collective oooh's, aaaah's and "WANT THEM!" from the drag queen community as they surf CaptionThis.

-OR-

Somewhere in Tennessee, a mammary-fixated Playboy subscriber is yelling, "Hey Marge, git yer butt in here and lookit these beauties! Call Doc Emmit and set up an appointment."

-OR-

Al Sharpton said, "What?!?! The Dolly Parton's only comes in flesh tone? Call da press! Call da ACLU! Call Eric Holder! This be an outrage. We gots to close that factory down for blatant DEE-skriminashun!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary: Ahem, awright, before you all ask... we're aware that outsourcing the new NOAA weather balloons contract to a Chinese company might have been a mistake. Now, stop your tittering! Yeah yeah, poor choice of words.

dadoctah said...

Some of Santa's workshop elves put in some off-the-clock time on a little project of their own.

Whacko said...

I just think elective surgeries have gotten a little out of hand.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

In England, the long wait times for government-paid breast augmentation is bad enough, but even worse is that any post-operative adjustments are handled via mail order. Ouch!

jimmy said...

Rather than placing the usual red concrete traffic barriers in front, the managers of the Las Vegas Target store decided on something that would blend into the local scenery better.

dadoctah said...

Those are the biggest boobs I've seen since I attended a session of Congress!

Dactyl said...

Boy, the Pamela Anderson memorial is gonna be something else.

dadoctah said...

Notice how they seem to follow you around the room?

HLam said...

"Someone left their headlights on!" Ming's joke lost all humor after telling it 25 times in the last 5 minutes.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Thanks For The Mammaries

Anonymous said...

"So Bob, what do you do for a living?"

Dr. Doom said...

"As Asian sweat shops go this one is not so bad," thought Sum Ting Wong...

Kaptain Krude said...

"Oh, so that VtheK wants tittehs, does he? Well, we'll give him tittehs. We'll give him all the tittehs he wants!"

Kaptain Krude said...

Bill Clinton is welcomed into Heaven. (but only on as a reward for having to put up with Shrillary for so long.)

Anonymous said...

Vinneh Said

America is doomed. Even plastic tittie manufacturing has moved to China.