Wednesday, July 17, 2013

What Weighs 400 lbs and Just Lost a Major Court Case


"I need some time to console myself after this terrible defeat. If you need me, I'll be at the Cheesecake Factory... and Sizzler... and Bubba Gump Shrimp... and PF Chang's... and Golden Corral... and Wendy's, Pizzeria Uno's, Chili's, TGIFridays and Applebee's"


Best of Submariner
I'd like to thak the Dolphins' Management for giving me a chance to play Fullback after I fumbled that much...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
She responds to QUESTIONS asked by the CaptionThis sick intercourse staff reporters:
1. Why yes, I do have one of Chel's honorary eatin shovels.
2. Coincidentally, my laxatives kicked in just as the jury foreman read their decision.
3. Yes, Dawn's head DID explode and we're going to persecute er, I mean prosecute Zimmerman for that, too.

Best of culry
"...and to show our disappointment with the verdict, we've decided to have a child together. An ugly, ugly child."

Best of Dr. Doom
"My next move?", clarified Ms. Corey, "Well I'm going to go home, run a nice hot bath, curl up with It Takes a Village, and open up a big ole' box of Fluid Air Products - if you know what I mean..."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Bring me Solo and the Wookie. They will all suffer for this outrage."

Best of dadoctah
\"Okay, so we lost the court case. But on the bright side, hey, Twinkies are back!"

16 comments:

chronos the wonder pig said...

That George Zimmerman is cute, wonder if he'll go out with me.

Submariner said...

Can I get some microphones up here so I can do my Gavin Newsome impression?

Submariner said...

Were referring to it as our Seinfeld prosecution; it was a case with nothing in the evidence file...

Submariner said...

Luke, I am your father...

Submariner said...

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that the Defense paid for my upcoming trip to the Bahamas.

Submariner said...

I'd like to thak the Dolphins' Management for giving me a chance to play Fullback after I fumbled that much...

Submariner said...

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

Why hello, Secretary Clinton!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

She responds to QUESTIONS asked by the CaptionThis sick intercourse staff reporters:
1. Why yes, I do have one of Chel's honorary eatin shovels.
2. Coincidentally, my laxatives kicked in just as the jury foreman read their decision.
3. Yes, Dawn's head DID explode and we're going to persecute er, I mean prosecute Zimmerman for that, too.
4. Eric Holder assures me it's not double jeopardy if we can make up new phony crimes to charge him with.
5. Well, we hope the public will refrain from immediately rioting and loot! They should return to their respective jungle habitats to do that.

-OR-

Actually, I'm not all that familiar with the case, just the inflammatory stuff the media aired and published.

-OR-

The verdict? Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather... hey, hey, stop laughing! If it was a really huge reinforced concrete feather it might could knock me over.

culry said...

"...and to show our disappointment with the verdict, we've decided to have a child together. An ugly, ugly child."

Dr. Doom said...

"My next move?", clarified Ms. Corey, "Well I'm going to go home, run a nice hot bath, curl up with It Takes a Village, and open up a big ole' box of Fluid Air Products - if you know what I mean..."

Kaptain Krude said...

"...and the winner of the 'Alumni Who Has Gained The Most Weight' is... me! Oh, what a surprise! How did I do it, you ask? I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch. And one between lunch and dinner. And another one between dinner and supper."

Kaptain Krude said...

"Bring me Solo and the Wookie. They will all suffer for this outrage."

Kaptain Krude said...

"There will be no bargain, young Zimmerman. I shall enjoy watching you die."

GregMan said...

"You keep using that word 'justice'. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Intervention Time
She was running off at the mouth and hadn't noticed, but Dr. Phil had quietly crept up and was about to smack her upside her fat head.

dadoctah said...

"Okay, so we lost the court case. But on the bright side, hey, Twinkies are back!"