Monday, October 21, 2013

Bench Pressed


1. "OMG! It's gonna blow!"
2. At some point, the junk in the trunk becomes a complete EPA Superfund Site.
3. "Well," sid Sir Mix-A-Lot, "There are excpetions, of course."

Best of John...just John
 ...on her way to the White House Rose Garden to help the president tout the success of the Food Stamp enrollment blitz.

Best of Jay Guevara
2023: The post-White House years hit Michelle hard.

Best of metalgarth
    She's looking for a hot man, possibly a model who makes AT LEAST six figures....

Best of Dr. Doom
    The military testing program for the new liquid body armor is especially rigorous...

Best of Best of
    BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    ...and then Dawn's ass exploded.

Best of Submariner
    "That's no moon..."

Best of jimmy
    Woman in black thoughtbubble: "Must.Not.Look. Do.Not.Turn.Head."
    Nevertheless, the gravitational pull was too strong for her to escape her tragic fate.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Jeez, all I asked was, "Hi, did you know your fat ass is hanging out?" How is that racist?

Best of Steve O
    Those sweatpants meet one out of three main criteria i have for clothing.

27 comments:

John...just John said...

...on her way to the White House Rose Garden to help the president tout the success of the Food Stamp enrollment blitz.

Jay Guevara said...

2023: The post-White House years hit Michelle hard.

metalgarth said...

She's looking for a hot man, possibly a model who makes AT LEAST six figures....

Dr. Doom said...

On the plus side (forgive me), Shaniqua never got singled out for enhanced screening by the TSA. They always seemed to take more interest in old ladies in wheel chairs and toddlers for some reason...

Dr. Doom said...

The military testing program for the new liquid body armor is especially rigorous...

Dr. Doom said...

What the people of Wal-Mart do when the workers go on strike...

Anonymous said...

BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...

Son Of The Godfather said...

...and then Dawn's ass exploded.

Son Of The Godfather said...

That bench is gonna die of ass-phyxiation

Submariner said...

Dick Gregory looked at the new, "slimmed-down" Tamika, and collapsed in a pool of his own tears.

Submariner said...

"That's no moon..."

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

ORA

It sure looks like Mother Superior Placido's latest plan to ground Sister Bertrille will finally be successful.

Submariner said...

Not sayin' she's fat or anything, just that ShaNeNe needs a stretch-limo in order to "press the ham."

jimmy said...

Woman in black thoughtbubble: "Must.Not.Look. Do.Not.Turn.Head."

Nevertheless, the gravitational pull was too strong for her to escape her tragic fate.

Submariner said...

I just read on BreitBart that this is actually a photo of Hillary Roddam that the RNC is trying as a 2016 campaign poster. Since it's posted on the internet it HAS to be true, right?

Submariner said...

Fer the love o' Gaia;
PUH-LEASE say "NO!" to crack...

Spineless Vertebrae said...

Crack kills. So does her sitting on you.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Bleeding heart liberal woman's dilemma - Do I ask if she's ever tried XXXL Butt Closures or would that be considered racist?

-OR-

Jeez, all I asked was, "Hi, did you know your fat ass is hanging out?" How is that racist?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

When Wanda waddles in for a Brazilian wax, the aesthetician's prepared with gas mask and fixed bayonet... she'd written "Trench Warfare" on her calendar.

-OR-

Oh dear, I'm about to burst out laughing and she's gonna kill me.

-OR-

David Attenborough whispers: "A receptive howler monkey sits passively on her haunches waiting for... Heyyyy you guys, stop running that on the teleprompter!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Walt's Ticket Was Punched
Temperance Brennan conducts a forensic autopsy of a pile of deli meat at the Smithsonian Metro Station and determines that Vaneesha's butt and the bench seat acted like a mandoline slicer.

Submariner said...

Woman in black thawt bubble: "Did I step in dog crap or should that fat b!tch REALLY have the 'not so fresh' feeling?"

OR

Woman in black thawt bubble: "Would it be racist of me to tellher that Omar the Tentmaker has a sale this week for the big and tall?"

Steve O said...

Those sweatpants meet one out of three main criteria i have for clothing.

mega said...

To onlookers in Riyadh's subway system, it was unclear whether the Americans had sent the National Security Advisor, Ambassador to the UN, or the President's wife.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

David Attenborough gags and whispers: This cave system near a Walmart is the ideal place to spot the Nappy-Haired Attention Whore. Ah, see, there's one now!

-OR-

Pimps need to be more specific. "Show a little skin" obviously wasn't a clear enough directive!

Scotty G. said...

On the next episode of Where Are They Now: Sir Mix-A-Lot

Rick said...

shouldn't commit to understanding what is going on until A. the train comes or B. she asks for paper.