Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Nother Lover Knife In Yo Head


1. "I should not have tried to take M'Chel's eatin' shovel."

2. And just when he got to the question "Are you currently experiencing blunt force trauma?" the Obamacare website crashed.

3. "According to WebMD, it could be Balls Palsy."

Best of  Whacko
    I think this is what they are calling a "preexisting condition."

Best of  metalgarth
    the new Ginsu infomercials are lot edgier than the old ones

Best of  chronos the wonder pig
    "ObamaCare doctor prescribes buttplug, Obamacare pharmacist gives me this!!"

Best of  Dr. Doom
    "I don't know it all happened so fast," said Chin Lee. All I did was ask Mrs. Clinton if I could have one of her Beaver Nuggets..."

Best of  Joshua
The first documented casualty of Obamacare died from injuries in his own home. After an unfortunate accident he bled to death while attempting to create a health care account online.

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
        Looks like someone fell for the cheap Do-It-Yourself hair plug transplant kit.
   
Best of  Submariner
    Tip to the wise:
    In Detroit, never, ever, ever, never choose "trick" from a kid on Halloween...

Best of  GregMan
    The crazy part is a half-hour later he felt like getting stabbed in the head again.

Best of  Double the U
    The new Obamacare employees didn't not understand what was meant by "slice" on a CRT scan.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
...head like whore! cranium is sore!

-nine inch nairs

Whacko said...

I think this is what they are calling a "preexisting condition."

Submariner said...

But I voted for OBAMA! How can you turn me away?

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

...and just like that, anti-2nd Amendment activists started a movement to disarm Benihana Chefs.

Submariner said...

It started when my wife asked me "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

Don't EVER, EVER, EVER believe 'em if they say they want the truth, Officer...

Submariner said...

What happens when you swap out your switchblade comb with a real switchblade.

metalgarth said...

the new Ginsu infomercials are lot edgier than the old ones

chronos the wonder pig said...

"ObamaCare doctor prescribes buttplug, Obamacare pharmacist gives me this!!"

Dr. Doom said...

Chang: "Computer, access WebMD.com. Correlate stabbing pain in head"

Computer: "Please enter your Obamacare ID..."

Dr. Doom said...

"I don't know it all happened so fast," said Chin Lee. All I did was ask Mrs. Clinton if I could have one of her Beaver Nuggets..."

Joshua said...

The first documented casualty of Obamacare died from injuries in his own home. After an unfortunate accident he bled to death while attempting to create a health care account online.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Thawtbubble: In retrospect, my heightened sense of paranoia proved correct, but that tin foil hat was fking useless.

-OR-

Inspector Wat: Does it hurt much?
Chang: Not as much as getting kicked in my balls.
Inspector Wat: Who kicks your balls?
Chang: Yeah, Hoo.
Inspector Wat: Who?
Chang: Hoo.
Inspector Wat: You'd think you'd know who kicks you in the balls.
Chang: Well, I should, I married her.
Inspector Wat: Who?
Chang: That's right, Hoo!
Inspector Wat: So, who stabbed you?
Chang: No! Idontknow stabbed me.
Inspector Wat: Someone kicks you and then someone stabbed you.
Chang: Not Sumwan! Hoo kicks. Idontknow stabbed. Sumwan just watched.
Inspector Wat: Someone witnessed the attack?
Chang: Yep.
Inspector Wat: Who?
Chang: No! My mother-in-law.
Inspector Wat: Where is this someone now?
Chang: Sumwan’s back at the house.
Inspector Wat: With who?
Chang: Of course!
ORA Abbot & Costello

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Darwin Award Winner #927: amateur Russian Roulette player

-OR-

Another victim of the Brain Surgery for Dummies book.

-OR-

Looks like someone fell for the cheap Do-It-Yourself hair plug transplant kit.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Time's Up!
Proof hospitals and insurance companies here in the US discharge patients soon. The surgeon stopped midway through lancing the boil and Mr. Wang was wheeled to the curb.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Time's Up!
Proof hospitals and insurance companies here in the US discharge patients too soon. The surgeon stopped midway through lancing the boil and Mr. Wang was wheeled to the curb.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

Tip to the wise:
In Detroit, never, ever, ever, never choose "trick" from a kid on Halloween...

Submariner said...

Tip to the wise:
Never attempt to take the skin off the head of your Wang yourself.

GregMan said...

"Oh, here's where I went wrong, it says slice into the head cheese!"

GregMan said...

The crazy part is a half-hour later he felt like getting stabbed in the head again.

Dr. Doom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Doom said...

Healthcare.gov Customer Satisfaction Survey

Please complete the thought below to describe your impression of our website.

Using Healthcare.gov makes me______.

1) ...think a group of LSD addicted Rhesus Monkeys could write better code.

2) ...afraid, very afraid.

3) ... want to embrace the ennui.

4) Supply your own answer (30 characters max):

... want to stab myself in the hea

Double the U said...

The new Obamacare employees didn't not understand what was meant by "slice" on a CRT scan.