Tuesday, December 31, 2013

And we close out the year with this...



Best of dadoctah
After tying him to the roof of the car, Mormon Mitt Romney compounds the abuse by serving him decaf.

Best of GregMan
"Another year gone by. At least I didn't get eaten by the Obamas in 2013, so it was a good year."

Monday, December 30, 2013

And this one, too


1. Internship Training at the Clinton Global Initiative.

2. "Did the Safe School Czar explain exactly how this prevents bullying?"

3. The quality of the American education system has gotten so bad even pr0n studios have to provide on-the-job training.

4. "C'mon, girls, it's not the most humiliating thing you'll be asked to do while working at the New York Times."  One month later, they published their Benghazi investigation.

5. "Now, chomp down really hard and rip the glans right off!" What really goes on in a Womyn's Studies class.

Threadwinner:  Submariner
    "Welcome to your freshman year at Sandra Fluke High School, girls..."

Beast of  Dr. Doom
"Girls today we will learn how to pass the driver's test,", instructed the Driver's Ed teacher, "If any of you would like extra credit, please see me after class..."

Beast of  metalgarth
    The sequel to "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble" lacked the subtlety of the original

Beast of  GregMan
    "But when do we have to blow on it?"
    Phyllis was always a bit of a slow learner, even in Health Class.

Beast of  chronos the wonder pig
    At the BJ Trade School we guarantee you a job after graduation!!

Beast of  Submariner
    I think I'm gonna like this Bronkowitz remake of "Two Mules for Sister Sarah."

Beast of  Beast of 
    Because theocrats

Beast of  Jay Guevara
    "Am I doing it right, Professor Lewinsky?"

Beast of  Mr Hankey
American Idol tryouts takes on a new reality perspective on what it really takes to get to & succeed in Hollywood.

Unfinished Business

It's that time of year when I throw out the pics I never, for one reason or another, got around to using. Like this one. 


Best of Dr. Doom
    Wow Dawn's head really did explode... I always thought that was just a metaphor...

Best of GregMan
    Shawn finally figures out ObamaCare, with predictable results.

Best of racerboy
    Standard Cap #8: Where will you be when your laxative kicks in?

Best of Submariner
    Well, Officer, I was driving through the park, sort of, um, jerking off, and then my d!ck exploded...

Best of Submariner
    Man! I am REALLY impressed! Most of the time the seagulls just bomb the outside of a car...

Best of dadoctah
I'm not even going to ask what this Sonic Drive-In commercial was supposed to be promoting.

Best of dadoctah
    Remember, kids: tapioca pudding and driving don't mix!

Best of John Schneider
    The recession is hurting everyone. Peter North had to take a part time job at a car wash.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Muslim Imams in Trouble, a Samuel L. Bronkowitz Production


Best of Dr. Doom
    I see the MSNBC Advance Team has arrived in Yemen...

Best of dadoctah
    Go ahead, squeal like a pig. That makes it *really* kinky!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Gosh mister, for an old fella you sure are nervous. Some guys freak when they hear a cop siren, but what's a drone and what's it sound like?

Best of Dr. Doom
    Man getting a cab in New York has gotten brutal, just brutal...

Best of Submariner
    A crack NYT investigative journalist gets the scoop on Benghazi:
    "So, >slurp!< only protesters upset by a video attacked, right?"
    "Yes, or no, whatever you want me to say; just don't stop. And yes you can quote me infidel whore..."

Best of Mr Hankey
    No no no...it's perfectly fine as long as you are kneeling towards Mecca...

Best of jimmy
    Meg Ryan! Get out of my back yard!

Friday, December 20, 2013

Bwahahahahahaha


Congratulations... It's a Squid

Original Caption: "Excuse me, sir, do have a moment to hear the good news about our Lord Cthulu."


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Oh, Why the Hell Not


1. "Hipster in a Onesie" - The Morrissey Song Title Generator must have spat this one out.
2. After an exhaustive search, MSNBC finally located the one man in America who might... and I must emphasize... MIGHT... lose a slap-fight to Chris Hayes.
3. The Platonic Ideal of an MSNBC viewer.

Threadwinner: GregMan
    Wear pajamas.
    Drink hot chocolate.
    Tell your parents how you're just not interested in girls.
    #ComeOutOfTheCloset
    barackobama.com/takeitinthebutt

Best of metalgarth
    Rachel Maddow's current Christmas Picture was the lamest one yet

Best of Submariner
    Jon Edwards is GOOD!

Best of domo arigato
    Wear plaid pajamas.
    Put up Christmas lights.
    Drink coffee black.
    No one will suspect I'm gay.

Best of dadoctah
    Eddie Deezen cosplay: ur doin it...pretty much spot-on.

Best of Mr. Roboto
    "This will be great. Seriously, I always tell politicians to wear red plaid when they are up for reelection in flyover country. It just screams regular guy American."

Best of Steve O
    Wistfully remember your long revoked Man card.
    Wear your watch to bed.
    Talk about getting health insurance.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    Have you ever met somebody, and within two seconds, you have decided that you hate that person and want to punch them as hard as you can right between the eyes?
    Stewart was a weekly regular at the optometrist's office.

Best of Submariner
    Webster's Collegiate called, Brent:
    They'd like to use your picture in the 2014 edition as an illustration for "Twink."

Best of Steve O
    IIIII'm a lumberjack and I'm okaaaaayyy!!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Wear pajamas in parents' living room
    Drink hot chocolate
    Ask mom for more hot chocolate

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Well, SOMETHING Was Hung by the Chimney with Care




Best of Double the U
    Jebus, the Food Network keeps getting weirder and weirder.

Best of dadoctah
Attention George Lucas: the Star Wars Holiday Special is no longer the biggest WTF in Christmas-programming history.

Best of metalgarth
    Dear Strongbad: Have you ever had a homoerotic Christmas fantasy?
    crapfully yours,
    Metalgarth

Best of Dr. Doom
Ang Lee's Mexican Wrestling Christmas Extravaganza was about what everyone expected. It did give MSNBC a brief bump in their ratings though...

Best of dadoctah
Which one's Currier and which one's Ives?

Best of Submariner
When she saw this, Miley Cyrus was reported tohave exclaimed "I have a great idea for my next concert tour!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
    Up next: Ang Lee reimagines Two And A Half Men.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    What the loser in the one-piece jammies is wishing was under his tree.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Groped by Joe Biden

You may be excused for throwing up in your mouth a little.


Best of Double the U
    The Biden's explain what is really meant by Health Care "exchanges"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Joe's Thawtballoon: Unlike Barack, I can do this sort of stuff and not risk death by giant eatin' shovel.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "Come on, giggle like the little Pillsbury dough boy! Giggle, Damn you!"

Best of dadoctah
    And how about that other guy? Could his tie *be* any longer?

Best of Kaptain Krude
People wondered where ol' Joe got his "give two blasts from your shotgun" advice from, and now we know.

How was your weekend?



Best of Dr. Doom
    Meet Mr. March in Barney Frank's Interns of the 113th Congress calendar...

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
    If you like your naked, drunken stupidity, you can keep your naked, drunken stupidity. Period.

Best of GregMan
Drunk, naked and swinging from an inner tube is no way to go through life, son. Unless you're a democrat.

Best of metalgarth
    These Superbowl ads don't really make any sense, do they?

Best of Submariner
    Cap This! Public Service Announcement:
    Betting on Dallas for the win will occasionally work out. However, just like virginity in a house of ill repute, there is absolute certainty that your dignity will eventually be lost.

Best of dadoctah
    To be perfectly honest, I think Kia should have stuck with the rapping hamsters.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    NEA performance art grant idea. Boooorrrrinnng!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Going Down



1. "Showboating Whackobird!" "Reidsucking Sheep-Pimp."

2. Cruz Missile: "You crapped your pants again didn't you?"
    Landslide McCain: "Yeah, my friend, but now the elevator's mine!"

3. "I can smell the death on you."

Best of  metalgarth
so... ya wanna make out like a couple middle aged world leaders at a funeral?

Best of  Double the U
Senator... you have pooped yourself again.

Best of  dadoctah
This little stare-down would end a lot quicker if Senators had antlers.

Best of  Dr. Doom
Somehow I can't shake the image of Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog punching the time clock after a long day...

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
McCain: Just between you and me, I hate this coed bathroom. It's so freaking small and crowded I always end up peeing on my shoes.
McCain: I remember when this elevator was operated by a skinny black dude named Rufus. Now we have to push the damn buttons ourselves. This world is going to hell in a handbasket.

Best of
The buddy film no one's waited for, Over the Top 2: Armed and Dementia-ridden, coming to a Sunday morning talk show near you.

Best of  jimmy
Cruz thoughtbubble: "It's just as I thought...that isn't a hearing aid. It's an alien mind control device."
McCain thoughtbubble: "Oooh, pretty. Shiny. Oh, hell I crapped my pants again."

Best of  Jack Reacher
    "For the last time, John, I'm not Ricky Ricardo, and we're not at the Tropicana Club."

Best of  Styx
"Hey, Cain. What's up. Say, some of the guys, we been talking. And, uh, we're not really sure why you want to be a republican. We kind of think maybe you'd be happier as a democrat. Think about it man, all your friends are democrats. Hey, if you want to switch parties... we're cool with that. We can still be friends and all."

Best of  Submariner
If ONLY this was that episode of the Twilight Zone where...

Best of  dadoctah
    Ted: "You're nuts. Aquaman would totally win in a fair fight."
    John: "What are you smoking? The Sub-Mariner would whoop his ass!"
    Ted: "I get this feeling there's something more important we should be discussing, but I can't for the life of me think what it might be...."

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

State Funerals Are a Great Place to Nail Some Trim, Unless You Get Cockblocked by a Bitter Klingon



Best of Dr. Doom
"Oh hello there," extemporized the President, "Are you here representing the Chalk Faced Whores?"

Best of jimmy
    It's a shame Spike Lee fell asleep just as all this drama was going on right behind him.

Best of metalgarth
    The remake of "Jungle Fever" was... about... as interesting as the original version, I guess.

Best of Whacko
    Looks like the Obamas will be taking separate planes home again.

Best of Submariner
Middle picture, Barry's thawt bubble: "Blonds don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookies are known to do that."
Last picture, Barry's thawt bubble: "New strategy; ALWAYS let the Wookie win..."

Beware the Groping DIABLO

Some days, it really sucks to have a day job, when they're just teeing these up out there.


Monday, December 09, 2013

Yup, still working...



Best of
    must... get... Pepsi

Best of Submariner
    Loudspeaker voiceover:    "Large polymorphic gelatinous clean up needed in aisle 8."

Best of dadoctah
    "Help! I've fallen, and I can't get Seven-Up!"

Best of jimmy
   Eric Cartman: The Golden Years

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ralph Edwards (I know! From beyond the grave, right?): Chris Christie, This is YOUR Life!

Best of Rodney Dill
    That's what you get for trying to bulls-eye womprats in an overloaded T-16

Best of Kaptain Krude
    If you like your Pepsi, you can keep it!

Friday, December 06, 2013

More Random B&W



Best of GregMan
"A good stiff shot of this strychnine will take care of any non-ObamaCare-supporting Republican bastards."

Best of Jay Guevara
    "Yep, just as I thought. Go tell Stan she's pregnant."

Best of jimmy
"This is the stuff right here. Yeah, that man had the NERVE pinch my behind and call me 'babe'...so I gave him one shot of this and he was a babbling, incoherent wreck for nearly six months! Charlie Sheen knows better than to mess with THIS nurse."

Best of Submariner
Evidently, he's going to stick with that crazy story that "It CAN'T be an STD - all I did was ride the pony."

Best of Jack Reacher
    "He's dating Andrew Sullivan? Girl, he's gonna need a bigger dose."

Best of Jack Reacher
   "This is for the patients. We keep the good stuff in my desk drawer, Phyllis."

Threadwinner Dr. Doom
    If Dr. McCoy had access to a holodeck...

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Radiohead

Unfortunately, I have a reputation at work as the guy who can fix projects after they've totally gone too sh-t. As a result, no time to blog. So... you're on your own with these black and white pics from Shorpy.


Best of GregMan
"Hey, I could use this to broadcast meaningless drivel 140 characters at a time! I'll caall it... Twatter!"

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
If you can't get connected on the ObamaCare Website, try using Morse code on a spark-gap transmitter.

Best of Dr. Doom
1916: Millicent Hucksucker of Fort Lee NJ becomes the first liberal to be indoctrinated by the mainstream media.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Little known Political Factoid #832- As a chubby kid, Anthony Wiener used his crystal radio to surf for sausage-themed vaudeville acts.

Best of Whacko
"Scientology Headquarters to Tom Cruz. Come in, Tom. Over.:

Best of Jay Guevara
Democrat Party headquarters: "Hello, come in Moscow ... come in Moscow ... standing by for instructions. Over."

Best of Kaptain Krude
A young Christina Matthews feels a thrill go up her leg as she listens to a speech by a young Senator from Illinois.

Best of Submariner
ORA: A young Ray Walston experiments with a show concept whiel attached to the Second City troup. It would eventually lead to a lucrative career with Bill Bixby.



Monday, December 02, 2013

Roseanne Barr Is Quitting Television


1. "Fly monkeys, Fly!"

2. Ugly, fat, and batsh-t crazy is no way to go through life, son. Though it can get you a talk show on MSDNC.

3. "Kobe!"

Best of Submariner
    Welcome to the 2014 Hunger Games election season!
    Brought to you for the midterms by Obamacare...

Best of GregMan
    "I am Vartox, ruler of The Three Galaxies! Obey me!"
    Sadly, this was one of the least weird things Rosanne has actually said recently...

Best of jimmy
"Yes, I'm leaving show business to accept a new, exciting position as Obama's new press spokesman." [/grabs crotch; spits]

Best of Markus ARyanas
    "Roseanne sexed it up with Markus ARyanas, how was he, Rosie?"

Hillary Declares It To Be Twoo

Brender and Russ 


1. Hillary gives her best estimate of how wide the cells will be when all who oppose her are sent to re-education camps.

2. "And then she came at me, but I wasn't going to let that $99 flat screen outta my hands, so I decked her and she went back this far..."

 3. And then Hillary demonstrated his she could double-fist Sandra Fluke and still have room to clap to the tune of the 'Friends' thene song.


Best of dadoctah
    Hildawg tries to kick off a round of "YMCA".

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "..and Barry's only 1/2 black!!"

Best of Submariner
    Hil signals the waiter on the size of the toddler she would like for her main course.

Best of Jay Guevara
    "So I turned around and looked in the bowl, and so help me God ..."

Best of dadoctah
Would someone with Photoshop skillz be so kind as to add a big crackling blue-white electrical bolt between Hillary's opposing poles?

Best of Kaptain Krude
    Worst. Robot dance. Ever.

Best of Best of
    I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!

Best of Dr. Doom
    Hillary demonstrates the size of her 'credibility' gap...

Best of Steve O
    The former first lady tells a lie about the first black President.