Friday, January 17, 2014

In Memorium: Russell Johnson


1. "Whore."

2. "Well, it has been scientifically proven that Gingers lack souls."

3. And then the professor had his brilliant revelation. "Coconuts! Of course! You can make anything out of coconuts!"

4. "So, would you be up for a hot 3-way with 'and the rest?'"

5. "So, as long as we're stuck here, I've decided to start the Dharma Initiative."

23 comments:

Submariner said...

Your choices are pretty limited, so make up your mind, red;
Fatso, dumbo or me?

Submariner said...

So then it hit me; I need a quart of vaginal secretion for the coconut transister dialectric. Lets get started collecting it.

Submariner said...

Ginger! Have you been taking all the bananas?

Submariner said...

Guess what I can engineer for a couple of wild nights in your hut?

GregMan said...

"Sorry, babe, but Gilligan has way better weed, so I'm doing him instead."

GregMan said...

"You mean in thirty years an incompetent, lying, Amerikkka-hating Communist will be elected President? Let's just stay on this island forever."

chronos the wonder pig said...

"Oh professor, stop bothering me and invent a Sybian already!"

USMC2841 said...

"It's custom among the native tribes. Why do you think we call them Head Hunters?"

chronos the wonder pig said...

"Professor please, we have to wait until UrkelCare provides free birth control!"

Jay Guevara said...

But why won't you release my second chakra?

chronos the wonder pig said...

"But professor, the other men will riot if I give it away for free!!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I'm sorry, Ginger, but I've dumbed down my explanation as best I can. Go ask Gilligan why seawater is so salty.

-OR-

No, Ginger, I'm not ghey! The Howell's are just spreading rumors because I won't participate in a threesome.

-OR-

Why the Prof never got any
No Ginger, that dress doesn't make you look fat. It actually hides the fat quite well.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Fill out an invention request form in triplicate and submit it with a basket of fresh lobsters and I 'll work on it in a couple months ... OR ... strip naked right now and do exactly what I ask and I'll have it for you tomorrow.

dadoctah said...

"On an island where Hans Conried is Jewish, Vito Scotti is a Japanese sailor, Nehemiah Persoff is a Latin-American dictator and Phil Silver is a legitimate Hollywood producer, why would you even doubt that I'm a real professor?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Trust me, Ginger, there's a subtle difference between a slut and a whore. You're a slut while Mary Ann's only a whore in the bedroom.

-OR-

Please forgive me, Ginger. I had no idea the catkins I used to make tampons would cause that rash! Is the coconut milk ointment helping?

chronos the wonder pig said...

"Don't worry Ginger, Larry Storch will save us...."

chronos the wonder pig said...

"...and, oh by the way Ginger, the little purple pill I invented has some amazing side effects!!!!

Dr. Doom said...

"Ginger, I made an oracle out of some coconut husks, telephone wire, and a couple of Mrs. Howell's hat pins. I have seen the future, and it is glorious," exclaimed the Professor, "Sit down here and let me tell you about Ron Paul..."

Dr. Doom said...

My Ginger your pectoralis majors are looking magnificent today. Perhaps I should palpitate them. Please proceed to my laboratory...

Submariner said...

Professor's Thawt Bubble: "If only the hull of the Minnow had been reinforced by fabric with the tensile strength and yet supple give of Ginger's brassiere, it wouldn't have had a problem with that rocky shelf. An speaking of a sharp shelf..."

jimmy said...

"Ginger, will you quit pouting? The Skipper promised never to wear your dress again, no matter how much money Mr. Howell offers him. A few washings and I'm sure it will go back to its natural shape. And those stains will come right out. I hope."

Submariner said...

Don't be upset, Ginger; Gilligan turned my advances down, too.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Ginger, don't be embarrassed. What happens on the island, stays on the island! Whaddya say, let's do it again?

-OR-

I was not cheating on you, baby. That chimpanzee could never replace you. Haven't you ever used a banana? Huh? C'mon, be honest.