Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Attack of the Giant FLOTUS

Brender

1. "My dress is blue to match the tears of the peasants."

2. "Back off, superfag, I got this one."

3. "Just a warning, don't get between me and the fries or I will bash your bald frog head in with my eatin' shovel, got it?"

4. Any smaller and that dress would be form-fitting.

5.  Her majesty's $12,000 gown was later donated to the boy scouts, who used it as the main tent at their jamboree.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
Poor M'Chel, she thought stuffing all seven dwarfs under her skirt would make her Snow White.....

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I really enjoyed that Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode called "Hush" but cannot recall one of The Gentlemen floating ghouls wearing a blue tarp.

Best of Best of
 "Obama, you cannot forbid me to do anything, especially where Dick is concerned!" "Very well, Francois."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Oh and one more thing Francois, Barak and I are very tired and need a vacation from our current vacation. We will require the exclusive use of the Riviera for the next week or so. See to it immediately and get me some Champale, all of this fancy talkin' makes me thirsty," ordered the First Lady...

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    The 5th Dimension sings "Up, Up and Away in My Beautiful Balloon" and then actually does it.

Best of Submariner
I think we've finally hit the wall on sequels when the Predator "gets in touch with it's feminine side" and starts taking hearts from French politicians...

Best of jimmy
After catching a whiff of M'Chel's breath, Francois found it even harder to ignore his ancestral urge to go into full retreat.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "Oooh, I feel so pretty! Like a princess at a fantasy ball!"
    "Shut up, Barack, me and the little guy is talkin'!"
    "Sorr..."
    "Shut up!"

Best of Jay Guevara
    "Stand when you meet a (putative) woman! Oh - you are standing? Sorry."

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "Ah mah deahr, we could 'ave what we ehn Frahnce call a menage a troi. What do you theenk, mah lohfely?"
    "You'se mean a menage a four. You be forgettin' about Barack's teleprompter!"

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

So, Flamby, is it true what they say about you frog? If confronted you will immediately surrender?

chronos the wonder pig said...

Poor M'Chel, she thought stuffing all seven dwarfs under her skirt would make her Snow White.....

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Little known White House Factoid #1872- 'Chel is quite the accomplished unicyclist.

-OR-

Note: The royal Eatin' Shovel is strapped to her thigh.

-OR-

Where is your secret service agent, Mrs. First Lady?
He's in the dawghouse.
muffled whisper... I'm under here. Help meeeeee.

-OR-

'Chel: You're right, Barack, he'd make a perfect Rose Garden gnome.

Anonymous said...

The belle of the ballin'

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I really enjoyed that Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode called "Hush" but cannot recall one of The Gentlemen floating ghouls wearing a blue tarp.

chronos the wonder pig said...

When asked how many soup kitchen meals the price of her $12,000 dress would provide, M'Chel replied "Let the poor folk eat my leftovers!".

Anonymous said...

"Obama, you cannot forbid me to do anything, especially where Dick is concerned!" "Very well, Francois."

Dr. Doom said...

"Oh and one more thing Francois, Barak and I are very tired and need a vacation from our current vacation. We will require the exclusive use of the Riviera for the next week or so. See to it immediately and get me some Champale, all of this fancy talkin' makes me thirsty," ordered the First Lady...

Anonymous said...

Why so blue, Jabba?

Anonymous said...

Madame, this turkey leg smuggling business is hardly the most subtle of subterfuge

Anonymous said...

Royals' blue clues

Anonymous said...

In honor of famous french woman Josephine Baker, she's wearing a banana tutu underneath.

Anonymous said...

Josephine Baker

chronos the wonder pig said...

The 5th Dimension sings "Up, Up and Away in My Beautiful Balloon" and then actually does it.

Submariner said...

I think we've finally hit the wall on sequels when the Predator "gets in touch with it's feminine side" and starts taking hearts from French politicians...

jimmy said...

After catching a whiff of M'Chel's breath, Francois found it even harder to ignore his ancestral urge to go into full retreat.


Carpe Phlogiston said...

Laxatives ORA
Not a problem, Francois... straight down the hall, 3rd door on the left. The handicapped stall is usually pretty clean.

Anonymous said...

Beware the Petticoat Injunction

Anonymous said...

A bit of trivia: garden seats were created to allow over dressed women a place to sit. Another: FLOTUS carries her own portable french model everywhere.

Anonymous said...

Some go goo-goo over trouser creases, others are crushed to goo within skirt folds.

Anonymous said...

Mademoiselle Butterworth?!

Kaptain Krude said...

"Oooh, I feel so pretty! Like a princess at a fantasy ball!"

"Shut up, Barack, me and the little guy is talkin'!"

"Sorr..."

"Shut up!"

Submariner said...

Enquirer Headline:

Sasquatch Meets and Eats Frog!

Submariner said...

"...an may Ah zay how verree lahf-lahk your lawn jockee eez, Meez Meechelle?"

Jay Guevara said...

Mooch: "Are you standing in a ditch?"

Jay Guevara said...

"Stand when you meet a (putative) woman! Oh - you are standing? Sorry."

Kaptain Krude said...

Has anybody else noticed that Francis seems to be, shall we say, not making eye contact?

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA: Hey Gran'pa, what's for supper?

“The first course will feature American Osetra caviar, farmed from the estuaries of Illinois, paired with quail eggs from Pennsylvania and a dozen varieties of potatoes from farms in New York, Idaho and California.

“That will be followed by a salad of petite radishes and baby carrots on a bed of lettuce and splashed with red-wine vinaigrette made using honey from the beehive on the South Lawn. The salad will be served in a clear, glass bowl and resemble a terrarium.

“The main course, dry-aged rib eye beef from a farm in Greeley, Colo., will be served with blue cheese, charred shallots, oyster mushrooms and braised chard.

“Dessert is chocolate malted cake, described as a modern version of a layer cake made with bittersweet chocolate from Obama’s native Hawaii, Florida tangerines and served with vanilla ice cream from Pennsylvania. After dinner, guests can dip into a serving dish made entirely of sugar to sample fudge made of Vermont maple syrup, shortbread cookies made with lavender from Mrs. Obama’s garden and cotton candy dusted with orange zest.”

"Mmm-mm!"

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA: "My daddy worked down there at the saw mill, the plainer mill, for an old man named Dixon. Old man Dixon was very cruel feller. Didn't treat his employees very well, didn't pay 'em too much a wage, didn't pay my daddy too much a wage. Just barely enough to get by on, I reckon, mm-hm. But I reckon he got by alright. Hmm. I used to come out, one or the other of 'em. Usually my mother, feed me pretty regular, mm-hm. I know he made enough where I could have mustard and biscuits three or four times a week. Mhm. But old man Dixon, he had a boy. His name was Jesse Dixon. Jesse was really more cruel than his daddy was. He used to make quite a bit a sport with me, when i was down there at the school house. He used to take advantage of little girls there in the neighborhood an' all. He used to say that my mother was a very pretty woman. He said that quite a bit from time to time when I'd be down there at the school house. Well... I reckon you want me to get on with it and tell you what happened, so I reckon I'll tell ye. I was sittin' out there in the shed one evening, not doin' too much of nothin', just starin' at the wall, waitin' on my mother to come out and give me my Saul Alinsky lesson. Mhm. Well, I heard a commotion up there in the house. Mhm. So I run up on the screened-in porch to see what was a-goin' on. I looked in the window there and saw my mother layin' on the floor without any clothes on, hmm. Mhm-hmm. I seen Jesse Dixon layin' on top of her, hmm. He was havin' his way with her. Hmm. Well, I just seen red. I picked up an eatin' shovel that was sittin' there by the screen door. Some folks call it a dirt shovel, I call it a eatin' shovel. It's kindly a wood handle, kind of like an axe handle. With a long blade on it shaped kinda like a spoon. Mhm. Sharp on the edge, and dull in the middle. Mhm. It's what the highway boys use to dig up weeds and whatnot. Well, I went in there, in the house, and I hit Jesse Dixon upside the head with it, knocked him off my mother, mm-hm. I reckon that didn't quite satisfy me. So I hit him again with it in the neck, the sharp edge, and just plumb near cut his head off, killed him. My mother she jumped up and started hollerin' "What'd you kill Jesse fur? What'd you kill Jesse fur?" Well... come to find out I don't think my mother minded what Jesse was a-doin' to her. I reckon that made me madder that what Jesse'd made me. So I take the eatin' shovel, some folks call it a diggin' shovel, I call it a eatin' shovel, and I hit my mother upside the head with it. Killed her."

Kaptain Krude said...

"Ah mah deahr, we could 'ave what we ehn Frahnce call a menage a troi. What do you theenk, mah lohfely?"

"You'se mean a menage a four. You be forgettin' about Barack's teleprompter!"