Monday, March 17, 2014



Carpe Phlogiston said...

Roger that! 4 triple cheese pizzas, 2 buckets of buffalo wings, a crapload of burritos and a case of Gallo's wine-in-a-box. The other castaways and the passengers of the aircraft? Meh, they just want a rescue boat.


What do you mean there's a black president??? Has the entire world gone batshit crazy?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Follow-up (obligatory long version)

What do you mean there's a black president??? Has the entire world gone batshit crazy? Yer kidding... TWO freaking terms? Total FUBAR, eh? GOP got a chance? No? A televangelist spewing anti-woman oppression, a witch and a puppet for the 1%. So, things haven't changed much? Disregard the Mayday, we'll stay here.

Dr. Doom said...

"Excellent, electronics gear, aircraft parts, aluminum and titanium," thought the professor, "with all this new gear at my disposal I can finally make that Sybian for Mrs. Howell..."

Dr. Doom said...

Professor: "Did they say anything about the political climate today?"
Skipper: "Well there is good news and bad news about that."
Prof: "What is the bad news?"
Skip: "Russia is about to take over Eastern Europe while America looks on helplessly."
P: "And the good news?"
S: "Gilligan is now eminently qualified to be President"
G: "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy..."

dadoctah said...

"Oh, and I'm afraid there's some bad news for Mr Howell about his Bitcoin fortune...."

Georgi Markov said...

"Trust me, you don't want to go back," said Wrongway Feldman. "In the time that you've been gone the republicans became democrats and the democrats became communists. And the United States doesn't even have a manned space program anymore!"

jimmy said...

"But no, the most important thing: is Zsa Zsa Gabor still on the market?"

GregMan said...

"...and get this damn plane off my lawn!"

GregMan said...

"What do you mean the Red Sox won TWO World Series?!?"

Dr. Doom said...

Meet President for Life Obama's new brain trust:

VP Gilligan (a real step up IMO)
Sec HHS: Skipper
Global Warming Czar: Professor
Not Shown:
Sec Def: MaryAnne
Sec Interior: Ginger
Summarily Executed (as unrepentant capitalists): MR. & Mrs. Howell

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Quiet, I finally reached a Fed!
Hi! Over 200 foreigners just washed ashore and they want to live on our island and eat our food. Why are you laughing, Ms. Napolitano? This is a nightmare. "Make them feel welcome and give them anything they want." Are you crazy?

Submariner said...

"That's right; about 300 new Democrat voters! When can we expect you to come rescue us... er, them?"

Anonymous said...

"...and they said that not one of their Obama phones worked underwater!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

You don't have to tell me, bro! It's always in the last place you look.

Dr. Doom said...

"So you are telling me you lost an aircraft two weeks ago and that is occupying the media outlets around the world 24-7" asked the Skipper? Our three hour cruise has turned into a 50 year ordeal and we can't even get on Nickelodeon at 2 AM!"