Monday, April 07, 2014

Charlie Rangel's Laxative Kicks In



1. "Ooooh, I hates that rabbit!"

2.  "Get me John McCain on the phone and ask him how he copes with these situations." "I believe he just wipes off and changes his pants, sir."

3. "Myconstituents want jobs!... No, gotta say it without cracking up... think of Hillary naked on a trampoline... yeah, that helps... not enough, but it helps."

4. "Hillary lost six billion dollars at the State Department? Dammit, where's my cut?"

5. "Damn caterpillars chewing on my eyeballs again."

Best of Best of
Charlie reacts to an employee evaluation critical of his insufficient lapel flair for Chotchkie's D.C. offices.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Last time I saw that look, a monkey was about to throw feces through the bars of his cage.

Best of Best of
    Lucy pulled the football from him one too many times, creating a bitter Chuck who forever cringes at its recollection and seeks redress from his landladies.

Best of Artfldgr
    what you talking about Willis?

Best of GregMan
    "Man, that stuffed butt I had for lunch sure tasted good!"

Best of Artfldgr
    Wanting to be hip, the representative had to try sour patch kids...

Best of curly
    Charlie couldn’t remember which obscure homosexual demographic he was pandering to today, the Spitters or the Swallowers.

Best of Submariner
    How long ago did Charlie die on the job, and why hasn't anyone noticed before this?

Best of Submariner
    Be patient, monors; Charlie hasn't figured out all the angles yet. Being an honorary "Best Of's" judge has serious implications for a career politician...

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

mmm, mmm. That was a good stinkburger.

Anonymous said...

Charlie reacts to an employee evaluation critical of his insufficient lapel flair for Chotchkie's D.C. offices.

Anonymous said...

Each onset stings him with the memory of how others associate it with Al Roker--not the pioneer himself.

Anonymous said...

Congressman, Spike Lee's holding on line three with his daily conspiracy theory. He says this one's regarding de Blasio's wife and Brooklyn's demographics. Should I put him through?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

♩ ♫ "If I only had a brain" ♪ ♬
Proof that dressing a great ape up in a suit doesn't increase IQ.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Last time I saw that look, s monkey was about to throw feces through the bars of his cage.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Just in case V doesn't proof typos -

Last time I saw that look, a monkey was about to throw feces through the bars of his cage.

Anonymous said...

Having mistaken a joking editor's suggested title, Sir Charles eats, barks & leaves, for his autobiography as a serious idea, Rangel suffers from more than ambiguous grammar in creating this scratch-n-sniff book.

Anonymous said...

Lucy pulled the football from him one too many times, creating a bitter Chuck who forever cringes at its recollection and seeks redress from his landladies.

Artfldgr said...

what you talking about Willis?

GregMan said...

"Man, that stuffed butt I had for lunch sure tasted good!"

Artfldgr said...

Wanting to be hip, the representative had to try sour patch kids...

Dr. Doom said...

"I'll take Things that ought to make Dawn's head explode but never do for $200, Alex...

Submariner said...

Charlie has a "Chris Matthews in the podium" daydream during his afternoon nap.

Steve O said...

Charlie Rangel announces that the 50 years in office will be the last.

Dr. Doom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Doom said...

Rep. Frank: "Charlie, close your eyes and open your mouth and I'll give you a big surprise.!"
Rep. Rangle: (clamps mouth shut) "Fool me once shame on you..."

curly said...

Charlie couldn’t remember which obscure homosexual demographic he was pandering to today, the Spitters or the Swallowers.

Submariner said...

How long ago did Charlie die on the job, and why hasn't anyone noticed before this?

Submariner said...

All you kids, get off my carpet!

Submariner said...

The "Without" picture for "Oops, I Crapped My Pants Brand" adult incontinence products.

The after? John McCain.

Submariner said...

"Magic Negro?"
I don't get it...

Submariner said...

"So's I wrinkled up my nose, puckered up like this, and I kissed Bubba's ass. But I ain't gonna do it for the Hilldawg. No Freaking way!"

Dr. Doom said...

"Damn that Sharpton, always grabbing for headlines," groused Representative Rangel, "I been takin' mob money a lot longer than he has..."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I can haz Bertie Bott's Booger and Vomit jellybeans!

-OR-

Lois, just tell the press I have a boil on my butt. Do NOT be calling it Gorilla in the Cyst again else you be fired.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious!
Rangle shows his disappointment upon realizing the incriminating photo he bought wasn't of Hillary "doing" Gollum but just a shot of her imitating Gollum.

Steve O said...

Charlie Rangel announces that the next 50 years in office will be his last 50 years.

Submariner said...

Be patient, monors; Charlie hasn't figured out all the angles yet. Being an honorary "Best Of's" judge has serious implications for a career politician...