1. "Are pat downs supposed to take 45 minutes each, Officer Bruce?"
2. "Firm... nice... do you work out?"
3. "What are these things in the sack under your penis that feel like large kidney beans?" Fresh out of the Capitol Police, Officer Bruce had never frisked anybody but Republican congressmen his entire career.
4. Then Jason sneezed and was promptly beaten and tasered for "resisting arrest." The SWAT Team arrived 20 minutes later.
5. "Loitering with intent to use a crosswalk? Is that an actual charge?"
Best of dadoctah
"Just hold your horses, Skippy. First you pass the screening, *then* we do the YMCA dance."
Best of Dr. Doom
SFPD Officer: "This is a Public Health Inspection sir courtesy of the San Francisco City Council."
Bobby: "But we are in Manhattan Kansas..."
Best of Best of
School Resource Officers, thinking their new MRAP some kind of safe sex initiative, test fit condoms on every male student.
Best of curly
“We noticed that the applause given by you three boys at the end of Mr. Gore’s wonderful lecture on Climate Change was less than enthusiastic.”
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Uhh, you can let go now, Officer Bill.
In San Francisco, bike patrol cops are not only trained to deal with stubborn zippers, they're authorized to hold your Willy while you pee.
Best of Artfldgr
Hold still the ruler keeps slipping...
Best of Artfldgr
IF i take you home can you strike the same pose in a Hula skirt and nipple clamps?
Best of Rodney Dill
Blue Oyster material... Definitely.
Best of Kaptain Krude
Officer Frank was interested, then very interested, then very very interested, and then he lost interest.
Best of GregMan
"You have the right to moan softly..."