Friday, June 13, 2014

Copping a Feel

Brender


1. "Are pat downs supposed to take 45 minutes each, Officer Bruce?"

2. "Firm... nice... do you work out?"

3. "What are these things in the sack under your penis that feel like large kidney beans?" Fresh out of the Capitol Police, Officer Bruce had never frisked anybody but Republican congressmen his entire career.

4. Then Jason sneezed and was promptly beaten and tasered for "resisting arrest." The SWAT Team arrived 20 minutes later.

5. "Loitering with intent to use a crosswalk? Is that an actual charge?"

Best of dadoctah
"Just hold your horses, Skippy. First you pass the screening, *then* we do the YMCA dance."

Best of Dr. Doom
SFPD Officer: "This is a Public Health Inspection sir courtesy of the San Francisco City Council."
Bobby: "But we are in Manhattan Kansas..."

Best of Best of
School Resource Officers, thinking their new MRAP some kind of safe sex initiative, test fit condoms on every male student.

Best of curly
“We noticed that the applause given by you three boys at the end of Mr. Gore’s wonderful lecture on Climate Change was less than enthusiastic.”

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Uhh, you can let go now, Officer Bill.
In San Francisco, bike patrol cops are not only trained to deal with stubborn zippers, they're authorized to hold your Willy while you pee.

Best of Artfldgr
Hold still the ruler keeps slipping...

Best of Artfldgr
IF i take you home can you strike the same pose in a Hula skirt and nipple clamps?

Best of Rodney Dill
Blue Oyster material... Definitely.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Officer Frank was interested, then very interested, then very very interested, and then he lost interest.

Best of GregMan
"You have the right to moan softly..."

30 comments:

dadoctah said...

"Just hold your horses, Skippy. First you pass the screening, *then* we do the YMCA dance."

Dr. Doom said...

"Looks like we're not in Hooker Valley any more boys," whispered Steve...

Dr. Doom said...

SFPD Officer: "This is a Public Health Inspection sir courtesy of the San Francisco City Council."
Bobby: "But we are in Manhattan Kansas..."

Dr. Doom said...

"Painful rectal itch is no laughing matter son," informed the officer, "Now assume the position..."

Anonymous said...

According to Judge Dredd, fisticuffs warrant a fisting, a.k.a., "five for fighting."

Anonymous said...

School Resource Officers, thinking their new MRAP some kind of safe sex initiative, test fit condoms on every male student.

Anonymous said...

San Franciso's finest are hot on trail of bone smugglers and won't rest until smoking them out

Anonymous said...

21 Jump Steve

Anonymous said...

Illegal lech and seizure

curly said...

“We noticed that the applause given by you three boys at the end of Mr. Gore’s wonderful lecture on Climate Change was less than enthusiastic.”

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Uhh, you can let go now, Officer Bill.
In San Francisco, bike patrol cops are not only trained to deal with stubborn zippers, they're authorized to hold your Willy while you pee.


Sex Registry - Misc Deviancies
Three more teens arrested as the latest Ohio fad goes viral: "You're charged with humping a pink inflatable pool raft by the side of a busy road."


Fraternity Bucket List - get fondled by a queer cop
"Hey, you're going commando!"
"No I'm not, I'm wearing a speedo."
"Ooooh, lemme see, lemme see!"


Bawney Fwank approves of San Francisco's new Stop & Fwisk policy.



Carpe/Sweetie UPDATE: Happy Friday the 13th you sick intercourses. What did I miss? Did Dub return? Did Subby get the Thursday babe?
BTW, never underestimate the ability of lightning to circumvent surge protectors. I'm just saying. And, don't buy a computer insurance policy from a Republican if it contains that stupid "act of god" clause. They never pay.

Artfldgr said...

We like to save time when giving urine tests...

Artfldgr said...

KA-Chinga!

Artfldgr said...

This is not how we did the hokey pokey when i was in kindergarten officer McGrudder...

Artfldgr said...

Gee officer Krupky F-U!!

Artfldgr said...

Now you boys ought to be ashamed of yourselves behaving in such a manner as to force an officer of the peace to fondle your family jewels looking for contraband. ashamed i tell you.

Artfldgr said...

This time i wont tell your parents

Artfldgr said...

Officer peters (in the background) was always jealous at how Officer Danni got first frisk...

Artfldgr said...

Hold still the ruler keeps slipping...

Artfldgr said...

IF i take you home can you strike the same pose in a Hula skirt and nipple clamps?

Steve O said...

Busted by bicycle cops.

Yo dawg, check it! We gangsta now baby!

Rodney Dill said...

Blue Oyster material... Definitely.

Kaptain Krude said...

Officer Frank was interested, then very interested, then very very interested, and then he lost interest.

Kaptain Krude said...

"No sir, that's not a handgun, but if you keep touching it like that, it's gonna become a rifle!"

Kaptain Krude said...

A lady at the gym wearing a black top and gray leggings told us that she saw three perverts looking in on her exercise routine. This is how we determine whether or not you guys were them perverts or not.

GregMan said...

Cop Thought Bubble: "Why is it guys we pull over on Folsom Street never resist when it's time for a pat-down?"

GregMan said...

"You have the right to moan softly..."

GregMan said...

"You just watch, rookie, I'll show you how we get a DNA sample here in the SFPD!"

Markus ARyanas said...

"Shut up boy, I know what I'm doin'!"

Submariner said...

There are some unusual lumps and bulges here, son. Please drop trou...