Monday, June 16, 2014

Couch Talk


1. 'The View' rolled out its not line-up this week.

2. "What do you, um, mean that's 'everything on the list?' Surely there has got to be something left I haven't totally frakked up."

3. "And that's why, um.... all of you only earn... um... 72% of what male White House Staff in your same jobs get."

4. "This is too long and wordy. Don't we have, like, a graphic novel version of the Komunist Manfiesto?"

5. "I had no idea the printouts of Lois Lerner's emails would be so... filthy."

Best of Dr. Doom
"So to recap - you think if we rotated the Hubble Space Telescope on its axis and pointed it at earth there would be a 37% chance of it being powerful enough to actually see my credibility," recited the President...

Best of curly
“My girl bag contains Chanel perferction lumiere foundation, MAC studio finish concealer nw45, LA girl pro concealer in cappuccino, NARS ‘mata hari’ blush, MAC ‘fever’ blush, Covergirl Queen collection bronzer in ‘ebony bronze’, estee lauder powder, and of course iman oil blotting pressed powder…”

Best of GregMan
"It's just so great with only us four girls here!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Thanks girls, this 2-page double-spaced large font step-by-step guide for finding his ass with both hands tied behind his back should help Biden a lot!

Best of chronos the wonder pig
"Bill Clinton told me that if I ever got women in here the couch would fold out. But I can't figure out why I would want to do that."

Best of Mr Hankey
...and then I right after I sing "You see this cat Shaft is a bad mother.." , you come in with "Shut your mouth" while you two white bitches just shake your asses to the music! We got this White House Talent Show in the bag!!!

Best of Jay Guevara
"Nah, ladies, that's just a myth. Sorta like our having natural athletic ability, and you've seen me try to golf or shoot baskets."

18 comments:

Steve O said...

It just occurred to me that Joe Biden in the most intelligent person that Obama has in his inner circle.

And he's not even really part of the inner circle. It's more like the inner part of the outer circle.

Steve O said...

Okay, so we use the Benghazi fiasco to distract from the economy frack-up. And the VA distracts from that.

And since our failures in Iraq dwarf our other foreign policy disasters, we're good on Syria. And Russia. And Israel.

But we still need to handle the IRS emails, and a dozen other problems. Oh why do the things that happen to stupid people always happen to me!

I know, let's send Joe Biden on a speaking tour.

Dr. Doom said...

"... and since we were in a trading mood, I had Kerry swap you three NSA code analysts for a dozen of Assad's harem girls. Maybe that will make Rahm and Jay think twice about leaving me," explained the President, "Oh and this is code word stuff... need to know only... not a word of this to you know who... got it?"

Dr. Doom said...

Ordinarily wearing a blue dress to the oval office is not a good idea. In this case however...

Dr. Doom said...

"So to recap - you think if we rotated the Hubble Space Telescope on its axis and pointed it at earth there would be a 37% chance of it being powerful enough to actually see my credibility," recited the President...

curly said...

“My girl bag contains Chanel perferction lumiere foundation, MAC studio finish concealer nw45, LA girl pro concealer in cappuccino, NARS ‘mata hari’ blush, MAC ‘fever’ blush, Covergirl Queen collection bronzer in ‘ebony bronze’, estee lauder powder, and of course iman oil blotting pressed powder…”

GregMan said...

"So what are you girls' favorite positions? I like it when Reggie takes me doggie style."

GregMan said...

"It's just so great with only us four girls here!"

jimmy said...

"I can't believe this moron!"

Obama is so clueless these days that he doesn't even notice Ann Coulter sitting next to him yakking away during national security briefings.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Easy Question of the Week: Pick 3 people on the couch who are bored to death by whatever the black guy's saying?

-OR-

Thanks girls, this 2-page double-spaced large font step-by-step guide for finding his ass with both hands tied behind his back should help Biden a lot!

-OR-

OK, we're all agreed on the new wallpaper pattern for the War Room! Gosh, um, I think we've done enough work, let's call it a day.

chronos the wonder pig said...

"Bill Clinton told me that if I ever got women in here the couch would fold out. But I can't figure out why I would want to do that."

Submariner said...

"and so girls, um, that's how I, um, uhhhh, killed Osama Bin, uh, Laden. Nothing else, um, matters. uhhhh, right?"

Mr Hankey said...

...and then I right after I sing "You see this cat Shaft is a bad mother.." , you come in with "Shut your mouth" while you two white bitches just shake your asses to the music! We got this White House Talent Show in the bag!!!

Mr Hankey said...

So you see by swapping you two fat chicks for this here skinny bitch and a POW, the country wins again!

Kaptain Krude said...

"So then I kicked in the door, and yelled, 'Osama! My name is Obama! I'm here to chew gum and kick ass! And I'm all out of chewing gum!' You should have seen the look on his face when I took my combat knife and stuck it in his ribs!"

Hollywood is starting to gear up for the end of Obama's term.

Jay Guevara said...

"Nah, ladies, that's just a myth. Sorta like our having natural athletic ability, and you've seen me try to golf or shoot baskets."

Jay Guevara said...

"OK, so which of us gets their toenails painted first?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"And another thing, this 'We The People' stuff. What the hell were those patriarchs thinking, giving power to the people, huh?"

Obama practices speaking to his constituents.