Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Answering the Question: "Who could be a worse SecState than Cankles?"


1. "Do you mind? I am trying to drink my urine."

2. "You call that a whoopie cushion? Bitch, please. You should hear Tuhrayzuh's gas after a been burrito."

3. "Wait... Hard Choices is also a porno movie? Well, gawdam why are wasting time talking about this Middle East mumbo jump. Cue it up, boy."

4. "He just said 'Let me be clear.' Drink!"

5. "Ah, Mr. Bond, so we meet at last."

Best of  Submariner
    I don't always drink urine.
    But when I do, it's Das Bama's.

    Stay brown-nosed, my friends.

Best of Best of 
    Remember that '80s TV series clone, Jeers, where everyone haughtily demands, "Don't you know my name?!"

Best of Best of 
Don't begrudge him his leisure, this head he-bitch/man-whore in Obama's Wannabe European Gigolo Stable

Best of  Dr. Doom
"So then I told Netenwhazis and that Hamass guy I would broker a peace deal for them Obama Administration Style and invited them to a Pulled Pork Summit at Joe Bob's Swine Shack out on Route 162", related the Secretary of State, "Neither of the ba$tards showed up though. I'm starting to think those guys really don't like each other..."

Best of  Markus ARyanas
    "You put ONE leg in first?"

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
Hell, yes it's a hard job, honey. When Putin offered me a high class call girl with a third nipple, I couldn't just turn him down despite the possibility you're a spy. It wouldn't have been polite. So, here you and I are together and you're undressing and... OMFG!!!

Best of  Mr Hankey
    ....why didn't I marry into the Budweiser family instead?

Best of  Dr. Doom
"So I have brokered a deal where we no longer fly aircraft through Ukrainian air space and Russian guerrillas will stop shooting them down," reported the Secretary of State, "Now that is what I call proactive diplomacy. Champale for everyone!"

33 comments:

Submariner said...

I don't always drink urine.
But when I do, it's Das Bama's.

Stay brown-nosed, my friends.

Submariner said...

Sunni's killing Shi'ites and vice versus.
Israeli's bombing Gaza and vice versus.
Russians shooting Ukrainians and vice versus.

It looks like it's time to settle back with a cold one since my work appears to be done...

No, not YOU Tuhrayza... Something more satisfying.

Submariner said...

"Someplace I HAVEN'T screwed up yet? You have my attention - go on..."

Anonymous said...

Skip this bar; it's nothing but sad sacks and long faces.

Anonymous said...

Slouching towards Gonorrhea

Anonymous said...

Remember that '80s TV series clone, Jeers, where everyone haughtily demands, "Don't you know my name?!"

Anonymous said...

23. Lurch is to Ted Danson as Obama is to:

A) "It's not rape-rape."
B) Jumping Jackass, All-Flash
C) Sistah Flack
D) All of the Above

Anonymous said...

Tools Hoist O'Douls

Anonymous said...

This bagette’s spineless foreign policy isn't imbibed--it's inbred.

Anonymous said...

Who piled Sleepy, Dopey, Bashful, Frumpy, Crappy, Sleepy, and Cocked all into this empty suit?

Anonymous said...

Audiences with the dwarf king-preezy bequeaths all to be extra sleepy, not sneezy.

Anonymous said...

Don't begrudge him his leisure, this head he-bitch/man-whore in Obama's Wannabe European Gigolo Stable

Anonymous said...

As you can see, true francophile Kerry prefers L'eggs pantyhose.

Dr. Doom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Doom said...

"So then I told Netenwhazis and that Hamass guy I would broker a peace deal for them Obama Administration Style and invited them to a Pulled Pork Summit at Joe Bob's Swine Shack out on Route 162", related the Secretary of State, "Neither of the ba$tards showed up though. I'm starting to think those guys really don't like each other..."

chronos the wonder pig said...

"anybody know the price of Wang?"

metalgarth said...

I figured Slick Willy would help me when I said "you know where I can get some Tang" but all he did was bring me this weird tasting orange drink

Markus ARyanas said...

"You put ONE leg in first?"

Unscrupulous said...

HA! on comment 1. Don't even need to read the rest.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Hell, yes it's a hard job, honey. When Putin offered me a high class call girl with a third nipple, I couldn't just turn him down despite the possibility you're a spy. It wouldn't have been polite. So, here you and I are together and you're undressing and... OMFG!!!

The Expendable said...

"... And if I had three wishes that I could make this holiday season, first, of course, would be for all the children to get together and sing.. the second would be for the $30 million every month to me.. and the third would be for all encompassing power over every living being thing in the entire universe."

Mr Hankey said...

....why didn't I marry into the Budweiser family instead?

Dr. Doom said...

"Why is the Obama Administration such a failure? Well Mr. O'Reilly I think it is all a matter of perspective," replied Mr. Kerry, "From the whole new world socialist order point of view we are rock stars don't you think?"

GregMan said...

"I left it unzipped again, didn't I?"

GregMan said...

"So this is what the common people drink? Not Moet & Chandon, or Goût de Diamants? No wonder we have to run their lives for them."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Kerry is overjoyed when the Devil smirks and says, "Okay, you get your 3 wishes."
A short while later... AP News:

1) an estimated 1 billion illegal Central American and Mexican kids mysteriously materialize inside Kerry's residential palace singing a rap version of Muskrat Love;

2) US enters a sudden period of hyperinflation, congress reacts by raising taxes on millionaires by 10000% and Obama signs an executive order replacing the penny with a more reliable paper currency.

3) John Kerry's new power to put anything to sleep with the sound of his droning voice caused half the Siberian continent to slip into a stupor during a radio interview. Crops wither on vines, bird migrations disrupted and Pussy Riot fans wearing ear plugs overthrow the Kremlin.

WordVerify: shosucto rocks - TMZ praises a new program that admits it sucks

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Sorry, that didn't look like a War&Peace sequel on Notepad.

Anonymous said...

"This 'Pock Easton' you're sending me to, is it some new bistro?"

Dr. Doom said...

"So I have brokered a deal where we no longer fly aircraft through Ukrainian air space and Russian guerrillas will stop shooting them down," reported the Secretary of State, "Now that is what I call proactive diplomacy. Champale for everyone!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

In the real world
Yeah, I heard Marvel's giving "Captain Amerika" a race change operation. Why do you think I'm drinking? To kill the nausea. That's all we need, another politically correct cartoon character running around with a teleprompter yelling "Hope & Change!" and fighting for the phony rights of illegals.
Wait, is that microphone on?

Anonymous said...

Clearly the patient's scoliosis is due to years of sniffing his own smug emissions

curly said...

“What!?! Obama’s got some more pie with crack in it? I’m there!”

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