Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Bloomers! Bloopers! Blessers! Bosoms!


1. Michael Bloomberg squirmed uncomfortably in his booster chair. "Come on. Surely one of you is willing to pull my finger."

2. "And the peasants should be forbidden from consuming any of this. Now, who's in for my cocaine party."

3. "She's the one who was in charge of refreshments. Kill her!"

4. Obamacare was finally made profitable after the Death Panel's began accepting product placement.

5. "Nothing I like better in the morning than a 20 oz bottle of soda and an old whore."

Best of Best of
    I love when the freak show comes to town. Look--a midget and an albino!

Best of Best of
    This isn't a photo-op, just preparation for a quick visit by Gov. Christie.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "Well, how do you get ready for water sports?"

Best of Submariner
For MY cleansing suppositories, I prefer a three liter bottle of Pepsi immediatley after inserting a roll of Mentos...

Best of Double the U
    And the winner is Pepsi, Pepsi won the official soft drink of the new communist party contract.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "So there I was," Hiz Highnezz said. "I had all of these shoved up Sullivan's ass, and he turned and smiled at me. Then he told me that this was all just a warm-up, and that as soon as I finished putting the last piece in there, then I was going to join them! Well, I got out of there, pretty damn quick, let me tell you that!"

Best of GregMan
    "Kids, see what can happen to you when you drink too much Pepsi? I mean, just look at her!"

Best of USMC2841
    "And then I convinced them this is the biggest threat to New York. Damn I'm good."

Best of Submariner
    Bloomie: "Just a few of the things I find more dangerous than an SA-11 missile system with a Russian crew..."

 

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love when the freak show comes to town. Look--a midget and an albino!

Anonymous said...

Peer under the bottle cap to play in Game of Bloomberg's Thrones

Anonymous said...

Bloomberg attributes woman's hair bomb due to right wing antipathy toward Obamacare

Anonymous said...

Stop and Tsk Tsk

Anonymous said...

This isn't a photo-op, just preparation for a quick visit by Gov. Christie.

chronos the wonder pig said...

"Well, how do you get ready for water sports?"

Submariner said...

For MY cleansing suppositories, I prefer a three liter bottle of Pepsi immediatley after inserting a roll of Mentos...

Submariner said...

"Any of these will wash down a shaker-full of salt."

Submariner said...

Hey Times reporter; smell this and see if you can guess where it's been...

Submariner said...

Almost had Jheri Curl in the mix until Sharpton and Jackson started squealing...

Anonymous said...

I'd buy that for a dollar

Anonymous said...

Forget Hurricane Sandy swells, it's sugarcane candy that kills

Anonymous said...

As we NutraSweet shareholders say: "Through the lips and over the gums, look out, tastebuds, here this shit comes."

Anonymous said...

Stop and Piss up a twist of rope, you busybody dope

Double the U said...

And the winner is Pepsi, Pepsi won the official soft drink of the new communist party contract.

Dr. Doom said...

"Alright Ms. O'Donnell, I see your case of Twinkies and raise you a 64 oz Big Gulp and a night with my secretary, Candie Sprinkles," replied the Mayor...

Dr. Doom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Doom said...

Okay, okay I'll say it (but only out of reverence to the finest traditions of the monors...

"Hey I didn't get a harrumph out of that guy," accused the mayor...

Dude even looks a little like Mel Brooks.

Kaptain Krude said...

"So there I was," Hiz Highnezz said. "I had all of these shoved up Sullivan's ass, and he turned and smiled at me. Then he told me that this was all just a warm-up, and that as soon as I finished putting the last piece in there, then I was going to join them! Well, I got out of there, pretty damn quick, let me tell you that!"

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA?: Professor Zinkman was incensed. "Well, how the hell can we communicate to you just how big the ectoplasm prison is if you've banned all the Twinkies?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"Priorities? What priorities?"

Kaptain Krude said...

For those who are befuddled by V's headline, <a href="http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/subject/The-Blooper-Comics-and-Cartoons-by-Bloom+County.php> here is the relevant source.</a>

Kaptain Krude said...

Well, fart fuckers. Try here

Submariner said...

"...and Monster is no better than the sodas. It's... it's... Where is the Monster, Candy?
Nevermind. With that smile... You just can't give up sitting ON the Monster, can you?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Bloombag: Ethel's graciously volunteered to be our gun control sacrificial lamb. Go ahead, NRA actor, fire at the soda containers with that AK-47 and let's see some blood! Lights! Camera! ACTION!
Ethel: huh? what?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Hey, someone pay the delivery guy for this crap. All I've got are $1000's and for some reason the peasant can't break one.

-OR-

Oh, no, I've got dibs on the blonde... the rest of you are welcome to fight over this fine buffet.

GregMan said...

"Kids, see what can happen to you when you drink too much Pepsi? I mean, just look at her!"

Gregman said...

"No, really, she starred in Hard Choices! Of course, that was a long time ago..."

USMC2841 said...

"And then I convinced them this is the biggest threat to New York. Damn I'm good."

Submariner said...

Bloomie: "Just a few of the things I find more dangerous than an SA-11 missile system with a Russian crew..."




Too soon?

Mr Hankey said...

...so I told Obama, if Blagojevich was going to get a million dollars for the senate seat, I should at least get a bucket of chicken!

metalgarth said...

ORA: That V the K and Kaptain Krude might catch...

Large sodas in NYC have been banned due to a Dark and Sinister force in the universe known as....

Markus ARyanas said...

"This Botch got drunk from just ONE!!!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Pointing to Madge, Bloomie says: Our gun control poster girl heard my plea and secretly turned in all her husband's weapons. No worries, her family's now protected by something much safer yet just as intimidating. Take a bow, Madge.