Monday, July 14, 2014

Please, Let Those Pants Be Reinforced With Titanium


1. "When we left the White House, we were too poor to support Chelsea's latex fetish."

2. "Could someone remove the corpse of Steve Guttenberg from under this podium?" 

3. "In answer to your question, no, I do not force my daughter to indulge my 'Catwoman' fetish." 

4. "No, Chelsea's hips aren't that broad, the pants are inflated from holding in her queefs." 

5. "I first became aware of the issue of wildlife conservation when I came home to see Bill stuffing a beaver..." 

Best of  Best of 
Chelsea, deeply concerned about seal clubbing, expresses her displeasure about the house music she encounters there.

Best of  Mr Hankey
I promise you that only Republican seals were clubbed to death to make Chelsea's outfit.

Best of  Mr Hankey
    Now I have a half-black daughter too, so you have to vote Hillary'16

Best of  Best of 
This Spider Man 3 reboot looks scarier than the original, just based on Venom's hideous visage in this version alone.

Best of  Whacko
"I've heard a few complaints about our speaking fees. You should know that you are getting both me and Chelsey (who does't care about money) for the combined rate of only $300,000. Now that's conservation!"

Best of  chronos the wonder pig
    ..and I'll keep campaigning as along as Huma is under the podium!!!

Best of  jimmy
Hillary: "Hello, and welcome to The Genetics Research Institute Annual Convention. We're here to lend our support to this year's symposium, 'The Genetic Components of Chronically Bad Fashion Choices'.

    "But first, please please please buy a copy of my book! Or two, or even a box of them! I'm offering a discount for boxes of twelve!"

Best of  curly
    "...and Chelsea's pants are made from recycled condoms!"

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
Safe to say, whoever claimed "Black is Slimming" probably wasn't counting on a stark white background, huh?

Best of  The Expendable
    True, she's got Webb Hubbell's nose, but she's got Barney Frank's pants.

Best of  dadoctah
    Naomi and Wynonna Judd have really let themselves go.

Best of  Submariner
    Hello, peasants...

 

37 comments:

Submariner said...

"Wait; you mean you guys are FOR hunting>!?"

>pssst< Chelsea; hurry up and give me the 'NRA supporters' text...

Anonymous said...

Now on Sprockets it is the time to celebrate Germany's World Cup win

Dr. Doom said...

Eventually Mrs. Clinton gave up her presidential aspirations and spent the rest of her life touting liberal causes by touring the country wearing a sandwich board. This went fine until the Wildlife Conservation Society tour rolled into Detroit...

Anonymous said...

Chelsea, deeply concerned about seal clubbing, expresses her displeasure about the house music she encounters there.

Anonymous said...

They remade the film Carrie, where she is drenched by a bucket of oil since pig's blood already courses through her veins.

Anonymous said...

Chocolate Cruller and Donut Hole: a moment running their lips, entire generations' savings stripped

Anonymous said...

Trotting out the same tired, old standby in its set list, Black Thighed Pleas falls back upon the nostalgia of pathetic fans

Mr Hankey said...

I promise you that only Republican seals were clubbed to death to make Chelsea's outfit.

Anonymous said...

Chelsea's apathy toward money stems either from an apparent endorsement deal for Hefty bags...or from parents who utilize Sandy Berger's black-bag jobs

Mr Hankey said...

Now I have a half-black daughter too, so you have to vote Hillary'16

Mr Hankey said...

...and the answer to your question is "Yes", I'd f**k her too.

Anonymous said...

Leech and Lezzie band together against Chief Lizzie

Anonymous said...

This Spider Man 3 reboot looks scarier than the original, just based on Venom's hideous visage in this version alone.

dadoctah said...

Still way hotter than Amy Carter. Malia, you got some serious catching up to do.

Whacko said...

"I've heard a few complaints about our speaking fees. You should know that you are getting both me and Chelsey (who does't care about money) for the combined rate of only $300,000. Now that's conservation!"

chronos the wonder pig said...

..and I'll keep camping as along as Huma is under the podium!!!

chronos the wonder pig said...

jeez ... spellchecker

..and I'll keep campaigning as along as Huma is under the podium!!!

Anonymous said...

F U G L Y !
period

Kaptain Krude said...

"Hello, and welcome to... (checks notes) The Wildlife Conservation Club, a cause that I am very passionate about. I hope everyone enjoys themselves, and I want to remind you to buy my book. It's number #3,483 on the Amazon book chart, up 2 places from last week! Now where's my check? I'm broke, you know."

jimmy said...

Hillary: "Hello, and welcome to The Genetics Research Institute Annual Convention. We're here to lend our support to this year's symposium, 'The Genetic Components of Chronically Bad Fashion Choices'.

"But first, please please please buy a copy of my book! Or two, or even a box of them! I'm offering a discount for boxes of twelve!"

Jay Guevara said...

Wow, Chelsea's squatting workout is really paying off!

Anonymous said...

No better depiction of rashes both seen and unseen could be found. Wash that ass.

Anonymous said...

Find it in a bargain bin near you, the porn parody, H.P. Lovecrap's The Dumbitch Horror

Anonymous said...

Hillary really turns Mooch inside out--doesn't she?

Submariner said...

"Frankly, I don't give a Republican's ass whether you buy my book or not. I was paid nearly $14 Million - yes, MILLION, with an M - before I wrote the first sentence. And you dipwads are paying me $225K for a 10 minute cameo. But let me assure you: it's ALL going to the >wink< >wink<
Foundation
>wink< >wink<
even though Bill, me and even Chelsea, here, are poor and in debt millions..."

curly said...

"...and Chelsea's pants are made from recycled condoms!"

Markus ARyanas said...

"We gave her the choice of what to wear tonight. Latex or a pantsuit. Sometimes she can be such a Bitch."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

H: I want to thank everyone responsible for making me an endangered species so I could win this award.
C: Uh, Mom...
H: Not now dear, I'm on a roll!

-OR-

Non-presidential Material #41928

-OR-

I'm going to make this pompous speech brief because I think I saw "spotted owl canapes" on that waiter's tray! WAITER! Over here!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Safe to say, whoever claimed "Black is Slimming" probably wasn't counting on a start white background, huh?

-OR-

Fashion Tip #1928 Never wear anything that reminds people of stuffed sausage.

-OR-

What is with VtheK and this blow-up doll fetish of his?

Submariner said...

"...and a special shout-out to the first 'wildlife' I ever encountered - Monica Lewinsky - for making me appear sympathetic to much of the Amerikkkan people..."

The Expendable said...

True, she's got Webb Hubbell's nose, but she's got Barney Frank's pants.

--OR--

She's got Webb Hubbell's eyes, but she's got her mother's thighs.

dadoctah said...

Naomi and Wynonna Judd have really let themselves go.

Steve O said...

Chelsea, doing her best to preserve a wild life.

(Meh. Never mind. I got nothin.)

Submariner said...

Hello, peasants...

Anonymous said...

Whoa oh, Black Betty
bam-a-lamb
She's all sweaty
bam-a-lamb
like a greasy ham
bam-a-lamb

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Now, before I turn the mike back over to our host, I'm going to get my daughter, Shamu, to dive through a flaming ring!
Where's that bucket of fish?
URP Sorry, mom, I ate it.

Mr Hankey said...

..and to conclude my presentation, Chelsea and myself are not only proud of showing our Cankles, but we're now the poster girls too.