Monday, July 21, 2014

The Full Newsom


1. Reason #1 why Putin knows he can shoot down airplanes with no repercussions.

2. Brain freeze; explaining a helluva lot since 2009.

3. And suddenly the host remembered where had seen that face before: Man's Country, August 2005.

4. Obama pauses from watching the footage of the carnage in Ukraine to remark to the rest of The Situation Room, "Is it just me, or does this ice cream seem just slightly underchurned?"

5. ValJar sighed, "No, you drooling idiot, I said we should send an ICE Team to the border."

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "Mmmmmmm....Wang flavored!"

Best of Submariner
    "Hey! This tastes more like Great Dane poop than Korean Chow..."

Best of Kaptain Krude
Andrew Sullivan grinned with undisguised delight. "Now THIS is my kind of Google image search," he shivered to himself.

Best of Rodney Dill
    Never eat anything bigger than your head - FAIL

Best of Best of
    Head honky flaunts his insensitivity to the plight of the black diabetic community.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "Um, uh, nom, um uh nom, um uh nom."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Who does a guy have to bow to in order to get some drizzles around here? Drizzles, that's a funny word. Drizzles drizzles drizzles. I wonder if I drizzle when I golf? Speaking of golf, when can I get out of this peasant hell-hole and get back to a course? I'm jonesin' for a shot. Speaking of shots, I wonder what Reggie is doing?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    We've replaced Obamalama's usual podium rat with a Walmart Never Melt™ artificial ice cream in a particleboard cone. Let's see if he can tell the difference.

Best of Whacko
    Barry waits for the teleprompter to read, "chomp now!"

Best of Submariner
Data entered the frozen holodeck program and wondered "What sick and twisted thing were you researching this time, Commander Ryker?"

33 comments:

chronos the wonder pig said...

"Better eat this before one of M'Chel's talking grocery carts tells me not to....."

chronos the wonder pig said...

"Mmmmmmm....Wang flavored!"

chronos the wonder pig said...

I scream
U scream
There's a new tax on Ice Cream!!

chronos the wonder pig said...

guy in red shirt: "Where's the ice cream for the rest of us?"
Obama: "I gave it to the busload of illegals out front."

Submariner said...

How to tell the difference between the President and a housewife?
The President's head doesn't have to be forced down for him to swallow that load of cream...

Submariner said...

"I'm not into "photo ops" or anything, but can we just get all the good-looking people around me instead?"

Submariner said...

"Hey! This tastes more like Great Dane poop than Korean Chow..."

Mr Hankey said...

..and quickly turns his head in order to disguise his forked tongue.

Mr Hankey said...

Try as you might, you just can't get some tastes out of your mouth.

Mr Hankey said...

MSNBC announces President Obama's awareness of a "rocky road" in front of the nation that he promises will personally mananaged by Obama this afternoon.

Mr Hankey said...

Only an unknowing Kenyan would take a bite of a cone without licking the top layer first. Busted!

Double the U said...

Obamas favorite flavor, R. Love Nuts.

Anonymous said...

While home burns Neapolitan fiddles with his waffle cone.

Kaptain Krude said...

Andrew Sullivan grinned with undisguised delight. "Now THIS is my kind of Google image search," he shivered to himself.

Rodney Dill said...

Never eat anything bigger than your head - FAIL

Anonymous said...

Soft serve cannibalism

Anonymous said...

It's the one surety, this candy-ass gets his sherbet after a hard day at play.

Anonymous said...

Head honky flaunts his insensitivity to the plight of the black diabetic community.

Anonymous said...

Mooch likes her submissives with an unhinged jaw because there's no way those used parachute panties are getting packed in easily after she hits the silk.

Anonymous said...

Having drawn the boldest of red lines to keep bodies out of the paint, this b-baller dribbles on himself as others pay no heed to his nonexistent defense

Anonymous said...

He binges, but you'll have to purge
#BuckStopsN'ver

Submariner said...

Vapid thawt bubbles:
"Korea shot down plane...
Where to send m'Chel on vacay?
Kids coming in Bush's fault...
Putin's arming Israel?
I deserve another Nobel...
Huh?!? How the hell does m'Chel swallow this thing in one gulp? Gotta have NSA clandestinely video her doing it...
Canada ruining our currency?
>...?...<"

Anonymous said...

Y U so stoop id?
#LeanForward

Anonymous said...

Rex Kwon Do acolyte must bow to his sensei. BOW TO HIS SENSEI!

Dr. Doom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kaptain Krude said...

"Um, uh, nom, um uh nom, um uh nom."

Kaptain Krude said...

"Who does a guy have to bow to in order to get some drizzles around here? Drizzles, that's a funny word. Drizzles drizzles drizzles. I wonder if I drizzle when I golf? Speaking of golf, when can I get out of this peasant hell-hole and get back to a course? I'm jonesin' for a shot. Speaking of shots, I wonder what Reggie is doing?"

Echoes from an Empty Room.

Dr. Doom said...

"And I will always love youoooo...", sang the President - the President releases his inner diva...

Dr. Doom said...

FNC Reporter: "Tell us how you are managing the latest tragedy sir"
President: "Tragedy? I'll say it is tragic - I ordered a double dip Cherry Garcia but what I got was a Half Baked Hazed and Confused."
FNC Rep: "We know exactly how you feel sir..."

John Schneider said...

Bammy saw this once in a Blue Boy magazine

Carpe Phlogiston said...

We've replaced Obamalama's usual podium rat with a Walmart Never Melt™ artificial ice cream in a particleboard cone. Let's see if he can tell the difference.

-OR-

How funny would it be if he learned that deep throat technique from a corndog-eating Republican candidate?

-OR-

Don't worry, he won't suffer brain freeze. You have to have brain and Obamalama is the White House OZ scarecrow.

Whacko said...

Barry waits for the teleprompter to read, "chomp now!"

Submariner said...

Data entered the frozen holodeck program and wondered "What sick and twisted thing were you researching this time, Commander Ryker?"