Monday, August 11, 2014

National Security


1. "Really? You'll throw in the undercoating for only $300! That's a great deal!"

2. The SCOAMF mind-melds with himself so he can ponder the infinite void.

3. Obama consults with his top policy advisor, Little Bunny Foo-Foo.

4. "So, you see, the contract is signed in your own blood and Satan *will* come to claim you."

5. "And here is a list of Hamas's latest demand; as you can see, they took most of your suggestions."

Best of USMC2841
    You lost me after "We the people of the United States".

Best of Best of
    Susan's on her knees? Those heady days of the nineties are back, baby!

Best of mega
"No, this is not the book 'Why Obama Is The Worst President Ever." It's an executive summary of the index to the table of contents."

Best of curly
Despite all of the coaching, Obama just can’t grasp how to give a proper Illuminati/Horis eye symbol.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Everyone agrees Biden's a loon. Just sign the commitment papers, Barack. He'll be well cared for... he's got that exclusive PLATINUM health insurance perk congress voice-voted for themselves.

Best of metalgarth
    You mean I could go to Ferguson, Missouri and get me some free rims?

Best of GregMan
    ORA: "Which one is Shinola again?"

Best of The Expendable
"Umm... I've never read anything like this before. All of the S's... umm... look like F's. 'Congrefs'? What the hell does that mean? It's nothing but... umm... giberish."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Would you stop yammering about the ISIS rebels for one minute woman," complained the President, "I am trying to decide where to go on my next vacation..."

Best of Jay Guevara
"Here is the new, abbreviated version of the Constitution you asked for, Mr. President. Article I: you can whatever you want. Article II: wait, there is no Article II."

Best of Submariner
    For the thousandth time, Barry:
    No; there are only 50 states.

40 comments:

jimmy said...

"You mean I've been pin-balling all over the country for *years* from fundraiser to fundraiser...and we've only collected $36.80 from these cheap-ass crackers?!? That won't even cover M'Chel's barbecue sauce for a month!"

USMC2841 said...

You lost me after "We the people of the United States".

Anonymous said...

Susan's on her knees? Those heady days of the nineties are back, baby!

Anonymous said...

Aww, who's got the cutest-widdle baby teleprompters? Press a button and hear Biden say moo, quack, woof etc.

mega said...

"So then there was this tuft of grass that totally ruined the 8th hole..."

mega said...

"Despite all our efforts, Mr. President, over 1/5 of your administration is still white."

Anonymous said...

Rice awaits the POTUS to finish digesting the memo on which he sits.

mega said...

"No, this is not the book 'Why Obama Is The Worst President Ever." It's an executive summary of the index to the table of contents."

Anonymous said...

Those feminine hands cause Obama to reevaluate the whole affair.

Anonymous said...

How nice of the press pool to photoshop in an index finger!

mega said...

"You were right to push so hard for pre-op BDSM-loving trannie civil rights, Mr. President. Unfortunately our polling was slightly off. There's only five of them, not eighty million."

mega said...

"This is a courtesy email from Hillary. She's going to call you a f#&$*kin douchebag who couldn't tie his shoelaces if all the *real* editors of the Harvard Law review banded together to teach you. And she'd like to know if you'd like to have lunch on Martha's Vinyard."

curly said...

Despite all of the coaching, Obama just can’t grasp how to give a proper Illuminati/Horis eye symbol.

curly said...

“Yes Alex. I’ll try 'Lame impersonations of Carnak the Magnificent’ for $200.”

Anonymous said...

Thought bubble: OK, try to look interested. Man, I am soooo stoned right now.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Man, this Presidentin' stuff is hard!"

Anonymous said...

Thought bubble....from both WTF?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

NSA REPORT on VtheK blog
O: Awww, what those sick intercourses wrote about Kerry... that ain't nice. Omg, they be dissing Biden? Did.they.zing.me.and.'Chel?
Kneeler: Afraid so. See the 6" thick black binder on the table?

-OR-

DECISION-MAKING Causes Gray Hair
I've been kneeling here for 24 minutes, Barack. The chef only made two types of donuts. Just pick one!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Everyone agrees Biden's a loon. Just sign the commitment papers, Barack. He'll be well cared for... he's got that exclusive PLATINUM health insurance perk congress voice-voted for themselves.

metalgarth said...

You mean I could go to Ferguson, Missouri and get me some free rims?

GregMan said...

"Stop the rioting in St. Louis? Why would I want to stop it?"

GregMan said...

ORA: "Which one is Shinola again?"

USMC2841 said...

Kneel before Fraud.

The Expendable said...

"Umm... I've never read anything like this before. All of the S's... umm... look like F's. 'Congrefs'? What the hell does that mean? It's nothing but... umm... giberish."

Dr. Doom said...

"Would you stop yammering about the ISIS rebels for one minute woman," complained the President, "I am trying to decide where to go on my next vacation..."

Dr. Doom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Doom said...

"...and then her head just exploded," asked the President? "All right we're calling Lois Lerner out of retirement. Tell her I want a Code Pink run on this V the K monor immediately..."

Dr. Doom said...

"Boy this is where the rubber meets the road. These calls are always tough," thought the President. "Okay after long and careful consideration, I think we have to go with the Rocky Road for dessert tonight. Serve us the Baked Alaska tomorrow," he said decisively...

jimmy said...

PrezBo: "But if this is a vineyard, won't the golf balls get tangled in the vines?"
Pinnochio Rice: "You see this map? It's an island, and I'm not your damn Martha!"

Jay Guevara said...

"No, no, no. Go gin up another menu; I can't stand that soul food shit."

Jay Guevara said...

"Here is the new, abbreviated version of the Constitution you asked for, Mr. President. Article I: you can whatever you want. Article II: wait, there is no Article II."

Submariner said...

"I'm sorry Mr. President, but we just can't figure out how to get 30 minutes of press coverage of your diatribes against Republicans AND work in every golf course in Myrtle Beach in just 2 days; would you consider skipping one of the courses?"

Susan Rice unexpectedly tenders her resignation...

Kaptain Krude said...

"Dammit, Susan," Obama complained. "I know I told you to schedule me a beer summit with everybody I've managed to offend, but you've got me down for 30 summits just this afternoon! I'm going to be a stuttering, bumbling mess by quitting time. Did you just say something?"

Dr. Doom said...

The President activates his superpower reciting, "Wonder power activate - form of Incompetent Demigog..."

s said...

President Teleprompter reacts to seeing the wiki-definition of "SCOAMF."

Dr. Doom said...

President: "So you say things are flaring up in Iraq again?"
NSA Advisor: "Yes sir it is a crisis... the real kind sir - not the Rahm kind"
President: "What to do? What to do? I know - get Kerry on his bicycle and head him that way..."

Submariner said...

Surprising absolutely no one, pictures of Barry's "good times" at Man Country surface and prove m'Chel is Barry's "beard."

Submariner said...

That's Kerry's regular bicycle? Can you get me one?

Mr Hankey said...

I know that you remember her from the old "Shazam/Isis Hour", but this Isis is not floating around the sky saving people in Iraq.

Submariner said...

For the thousandth time, Barry:

No; there are only 50 states.