Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Sex on the Beach

"

1. "Bill, does this muu-muu make me look fat." Bill gritted his teeth. There were come lies not even he was capable of pulling off.

2. David Hasselhof, Pamela Anderson, and Adrian Zmed have really let themselves go.

3. Bill Clinton with two of his three dogs.

4. "What's that, Ghost of Buddy? I should strangle her with the leash? If I do it, will you stop haunting me?" 

5. Bill was faintly disturbed at how aroused he got at the sight of those fabulous mantits under the purple polo shirt.

Best of Best of
She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini; men there swore it's what turned them quite gay

Best of Submariner
Sand witch...

Best of USMC2841
Bill, "If things get freaky, I got dibs on the labrador."

Best of GregMan
ORA: "We're gonna need a bigger boat."

Best of Mr Hankey
Try as she might, Hillary only owns clean blue dresses.

Best of Mr Hankey
Practically penniless Bill and Hillary set up a tent on the beach to collect sea shells to sell to lcoal tourists.

Best of mega
"Pretend you aren't scared of a supernatural evil you sense when you're in my wife's presence, or I will beat you with the end of this leash."

Best of Kaptain Krude
Irony: Bill Clinton trying to teach another creature self-control.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The rare Cankled Walrus, Clintonia disgustingus, immediately after molting its putrid green outer fat layer.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cankles

dadoctah said...

David Hasselhof, Pamela Anderson, and Adrian Zmed have really let themselves go.

I was going to say Frankie Avalon, Annette Funicello and Jody McCrea....

Anonymous said...

"This marine mammal is commonly referred to simply as the melonhead, beluga or sea canary due to its high-pitched twitter."

Anonymous said...

She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini; men there swore it's what turned them quite gay

Anonymous said...

Strut, confident there's not enough sand to roll you in to locate the wet spot where it cakes up.

Anonymous said...

amfibians

Submariner said...

Sand witch...

Submariner said...

The Martha's Vineyard Players staging of "Weekend at Barry's" drew rave reviews from pretty much every sector of the political spectrum.

Until they realized we now were stuck with "President Biden."

USMC2841 said...

Bill, "If things get freaky, I got dibs on the labrador."

The Expendable said...

President-in waiting Hillary Clinton exchanges her usual pant suit for a burqa in preparation to meet with Taliban leaders.

GregMan said...

ORA: "We're gonna need a bigger boat."

GregMan said...

"Well, it is Shark Week, after all..."

GregMan said...

Another ORA: "Dammit, where's a Sharknado when you really need one?"

chronos the wonder pig said...

"Beach Whale, Beached Whale!!"

Jay Guevara said...

Thought bubble on guying looking at her: "Call Greenpeace. We need to push that beached manatee back into the sea, but I'm gonna need help."

Mr Hankey said...

Associated Press, March 2020 - Former Senator and twice-failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton visits the remains of Israel after the devastation caused by the Obama Peace Treaty.

Mr Hankey said...

Try as she might, Hillary only owns clean blue dresses.

Mr Hankey said...

Bill tries to remember which dog gets the leash.

Mr Hankey said...

Practically penniless Bill and Hillary set up a tent on the beach to collect sea shells to sell to lcoal tourists.

Dr. Doom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Doom said...

MSDNC Retrospective Show Schedule:

Week 1: Bill and Hillary in happier times vacationing with Hugo Chavez.
Week 2: Bill and Hillary discussing political strategy with Che Guevara.
Week 3: TBD if show is not cancelled...

mega said...

Reminded that TV cameras were nearby, Cyborg 21-b quickly donned the blue smock of aged humans and discretely tried to put the divining rod on the ground.

mega said...

"Pretend you aren't scared of a supernatural evil you sense when you're in my wife's presence, or I will beat you with the end of this leash."

mega said...

Landshark!

Dactyl said...

1. "Bill, does this muu-muu make me look fat." Bill gritted his teeth. There were come lies not even he was capable of pulling off.

Come lies? Freudian slip?

mega said...

"How many more copies of my book need to sell before I'm back to even on the advance and Simon & Schuster lets me off this fucking island?"

The Expendable said...

While vacationing in St. Tropez in the summer of 2012, Hillary was so poor she had to wear a simple Dolce and Gabbana mumu.

Kaptain Krude said...

Irony: Bill Clinton trying to teach another creature self-control.

Rodney Dill said...

Life's a beach.... and so is she.

Rodney Dill said...

Shave the whales

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The rare Cankled Walrus, Clintonia disgustingus, immediately after molting its putrid green outer fat layer.
PS: David Attenborough declined our invitation to explain this freak of nature.

-OR-

Audubon Field Guide, pg. 92 : Giant Sand Crab, Hillaryous steviewonderii
Fig.1 - female crone with her aging lime-footed satyr mate photobombed by a purple-breasted chameleon
Traits: easy to spot malformed left wing
Range: global, migratory
Habitat: heavily-traveled political venues
Feeds On: taxes, free lunches, bite-sze babies

Rodney Dill said...

Hey Dad? Aren't they supposed to throw ugly fish back, regardless of size?

Submariner said...

Bill!
Bill!
Lookie there; a small-breasted, left-wing, beach-waddlin,' Blue Shrike. Hell, I ain't seen one a them since Teddy Kennedy roamed these sands!

Whacko said...

When out in public, Hillary always does her best to look, you know, "presidential."

Whacko said...

Bill wonders, to himself, of course, if he can get his hands on one of those "Reset" buttons.

Whacko said...

The Secret Service agent thought, not for the first time, that if he had to get between a bullet and Hil, he might be movin' just a little slow.

Whacko said...

The Secret Service agent thought, not for the first time that if he ever had to get between Hill and a bullet, he might be moving just a little slow.

Submariner said...

Bill's thawt bubble: "That's just... cruel; after all, it was a LITTLE blue dress that got stained..."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The agent would later testify that Bill released the dog and yelled, "Sic her, boy!" after Hillary snarked, "BTW, I bought that dress with the stain for you to wear while on your knees in the oval office doing ME, Bill."

-OR-

There's never a tsunami around when you need one.

-OR-

Fractured Fairytale #849:
Bill & Hillary Clinton go to the beach and walk into the ocean.
~~ The "HAPPY" End ~~

curly said...

“Hey Bill – you got any cigars on you?”