Tuesday, August 12, 2014

What the Hell Is Ernie Doing There?


1. M'Chel huffed. "What's wrong with you people? Ain't you never seen a penis on a woman before?"

2. "They re-elected that SCOAMF?"

3. Andrew Sullivan's first attempt at lucid dreaming fails. "That's not what I wanted to see bulging!"

4. Hillary huffed. "What's wrong with you people. Ain't you never seen a woman eat a baby before?"

5. "Wait a minute... Black Democrat campaign workers are paid 30% less than White Democrat Campaign workers?"

Best of mega
    "The Obamacare premiums are going up HOW much next year?"

Best of mega
    (mic check) "And....this is a picture of a White Woman."

Best of Submariner
Explorer Ernie finds the President's Kenyan birth certificate right where his Grandmother said it was...

Best of Best of
    Peter Gabriel finds inspiration "in your eyes?"

Best of Dr. Doom
    The crowd reacts to seeing a taxpayer walk down the street in Detroit...

Best of Dr. Doom
The 'new look' Sesame Street produced by the NEA and directed by Ang Lee was not your grandma's educational TV. The guest spot with Rep. Frank and Ernie on inappropriate touching was especially memorable...

Best of USMC2841
    Willis finally explains what he was talkin' 'bout.

34 comments:

chronos the wonder pig said...

Ernie shudders: "After they finish with Bert it's curtains for me!"

dick uglum said...

Tyco Preschool introduces the new 'Bugger Me Elmo'

dick uglum said...

"Chicken AND Waffles?!?"

Anonymous said...

Rufus done went and got him a JOB?!?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Onlookers at Somali pirate executions fall into 3 categories:
1- OMFG that's gruesome!
2- bwahahaha DYNO-MYTE!!
3- PEANUTS! Gitcher peanuts! HOT Salted PEANUTS!

-OR-

*** tickets to the first MALE genital mutilations: 1000 NGN (Nigerian Naira)
*** beer & jumbo bucket o'fried grubs from a Bert & Ernie vendor: 9950 NGN
*** witch doctor's eye bleach to erase the image of mindless islamic butchery: priceless
“There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's the Boko Haram MasterCard.”

-OR-

Everybody tried to catch a glimpse of the only nword in the US who: a) never looted a store during a natural disaster or riot
b) hasn't tried to knock up a white girl with low self-esteem issues
c) refuses welfare 'entitlements' on general principles
d) says carjackers and rapists should be shot
e) believes Charlie Rangle, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton shoud be lynched for being so damned blackasswards.

Rodney Dill said...

#bluewaffle

The Expendable said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Expendable said...

Unfortunately, Siri had given Bert directions to Salame Street in Ferguson, Missouri instead.

mega said...

As the last hunting ground in Kenya was bulldozed to make room for a new golf course for Obama's one-day visit, the natives were stunned.

mega said...

MSNBS anchor applicants were stunned to find out the position had already been filled.

mega said...

C'mon, guys, we have no time for this. Will the National Security Advisor please step forward?

mega said...

"The Obamacare premiums are going up HOW much next year?"

mega said...

(mic check) "And....this is a picture of a White Woman."

mega said...

Despite the stereotype, black people were as dismayed as white people to learn that Kim Kardashian's butt was fake.

mega said...

As Iggy Azalia performed her 2,851,394,928,012th rendition of "Fancy", bemusement in the black community gradually morphed into rage.

Submariner said...

Explorer Ernie finds the President's Kenyan birth certificate right where his Grandmother said it was...

Submariner said...

After being observed screwing the local camel, Ernie steps back and asks if that's how the locals satisfied urges while on safari. The Chief said, "No. Most just ride her to the bordello..."

Anonymous said...

Peter Gabriel finds inspiration "in your eyes?"

Submariner said...

Ernie's performance art piece symbolizing what President Obama was doing to the country was met with a surprising reaction from the Southeast Chicago crowd.

Submariner said...

A realistic crowd reaction to "the find" that starts every episode of CSI.

Anonymous said...

And why beholdest thou the moat in thy brothers' eyes, but considerest not the Jim Beam that floats thine own?

Dr. Doom said...

Bert and Ernie soon learned that Sesame Street in Mogadishu is a much different place...

Dr. Doom said...

Dawn learns that there are places in the world where women's heads really do explode...

Dr. Doom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Doom said...

The crowd reacts to seeing a taxpayer walk down the street in Detroit...

Kaptain Krude said...

I told them that I have a bigger pen!s than any of them. Now they believe it.

Dr. Doom said...

The 'new look' Sesame Street produced by the NEA and directed by Ang Lee was not your grandma's educational TV. The guest spot with Rep. Frank and Ernie on inappropriate touching was especially memorable...

Submariner said...

ORA

No matter how bleak things look, don't worry;
I have it on good authority that Ahnuld managed to light the reactor off and we'll soon have air...

Submariner said...

Hilldawg musta shown Barry what she REALLY thinks of his foreign policy...

Submariner said...

I'se TOL' you I didn't no nuffin 'bout birthin' no babies...

USMC2841 said...

Willis finally explains what he was talkin' 'bout.

Jay Guevara said...

"What?? A brutha turned down an EBT card??"

Mr Hankey said...

Bert's perfomance and cries of "Doin The Pigeon" was misunderstood at San Quentin.

mega said...

"attention", (mic tap), "It has come to our attention that some of you are asking for 'ebola' instead of 'EBT card'."