1. The Doofusmobile temporarily disabled, Doofusman rides to the rescue on the Doofus-cycle.
2. The Secret Service detail knew that shoving a stick into the spokes would be a career-ending move but... dammit... this asshole SO had it coming.
3. Meanwhile, Vladimir Putin roars through the countryside on his souped-up Harley with a pair of Hooters waitresses -- one in the back, one on the handlebars -- all the while firing his AK-47 with pinpoint accuracy.