Monday, October 20, 2014

Sir, Your Agenda Has Been Declined


1. "And for the mess M'Chel left in the bathroom... is um, twenty bucks, okay?"

2. "I am sorry, sir, but Man's Country doesn't take American Express."

3. "You want a, um, tip? OK..., after the election you'll be replaced by an undocumented Democrat. So, um, you might not want to renew your, um, lease."

4. "So, 15% on an $84 dollar check is like, um, what... $4?"

5. "Mr. President, please, get me out of here. Get me a bullshit job on your staff. Please! I have a Master's in Womyn's Studies for goddess's sake!"

14 comments:

Dr. Doom said...

Mr. Obama pays for his order at the Credibility Gap...

Dr. Doom said...

That awkward moment when you run into the bouncer from Man's Country working his second job because his insurance premiums skyrocketed...

The Expendable said...

"Umm... I... umm... don't understand. My paycheck should have been... umm... direct deposited into that account last night. Umm... wait... damn... umm... damn it. This is only... umm... Thursday, isn't it?"

The Expendable said...

"Umm... no, I don't have another... umm... card, but I do have these... umm... three dollar Obama bucks."

Submariner said...

Sorry Mr. President; your card doesn't have a high enough limit for two gold-plated eatin' shovels...

Submariner said...

"One Happy Meal with toy for boy; that'll be $47.36 Mr. President."
'$47.36! Why so, um, so, uh, much?!?'
"This state raised the minimum wage to your recommendations, sir..."

Submariner said...

Based on the restrictions in the Joint Travel Regulations, here are the keys to your Segway... Enjoy your stay in Seattle, sir.

Submariner said...

"...and thank you for shopping at Old Navy, N'awlins. Sorry about Jed friskin' you, boy. He didn't know you was the President..."

chronos the wonder pig said...

Mr President this means that, just like your popularity, your credit card has expired.

Jay Guevara said...

"I'm sorry, sir, but this is a race card. I'll need your CREDIT card."

dadoctah said...

"Don't, um, worry son. I'm not going to, er, touch your (snicker!) girlfriend."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Obamalama: So, erm, I HOPE I get some CHANGE back.
Dwayne: Sure, 'bout the same amount real Americans will get back from the DNC.

-OR-

Obamalama: URP That meal is already making me nauseous!
Dwayne: Same way Americans feel after what you've made them swallow, huh?

-OR-

Obamalama: $1382.00?? That's gotta be a mistake.
Dwayne: Nope, we have to charge you for the lost sales by customers who don't care to be in the same room with you.
Obamalama: Dang, maybe that's why they're walking out on my stump speeches for Democratic candidates, too.
Dwayne: Ya think?

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble: "He's kinda cute, but does he REALLY think I'd risk the Wookie's wrath for that microscopic piece of cubic ziconium?!?"

jimmy said...

"I'm sorry sir, but your SNAP card is not an official ID."