Wednesday, November 05, 2014

After the Tingles Are Gone


1. Matthews stewed. "Since when does Rachel Maddow get to put anyone in time-out. F--king Dyke!"

2. "Where's that stupid intern with my 'I Still Support Obama' sign. Also, my butt closures."

3. Reluctantly, Matthews conceded it might be time to change the 'lucky underwear' he had been wearing since Election Night 2008.

4. "Chris Hayes gets enemas, Ed Schultz gets enemas, Sharpton gets enemas... even Joe Scarborough gets enemas, but when I ask the suits for one, it's always 'Not in your contract, Chris.'"

5. "I'm pouty as Hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore."

Best of jimmy
"Well, I guess it could have been worse. I can blubber like a baby in primetime and be assured only seventeen or eighteen people will be watching."

Best of Whacko
Alas the leg tingles were replaced by a continuous light yellow liquid oozing,

Best of The Expendable
One can almost see the tingle draining out of his ass.

Best of Best of
Grumpy Cat has been dethroned. Long may his successor, Mayor McHard Cheese, reign.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Why can't I ever wear the strap-on?"

16 comments:

metalgarth said...

Some people never get over their childhood

Stupid Lucy... always pulling the ball away. Stupid Schroeder always playing piano. Stupid baseball team... never won a game. Stupid dog... always flying away in his doghouse.

jimmy said...

"Well, I guess it could have been worse. I can blubber like a baby in primetime and be assured only seventeen or eighteen people will be watching."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

A chagrined Chris Matthews gives his best Red Forman scowl as even he refers to Obama as a "clueless dumb-ass."

-OR-

Election results harshed somebody's mellow.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

His doctor just told Chris the tingles were caused by shingles.

Whacko said...

Alas the leg tingles were replaced by a continuous light yellow liquid oozing,

The Expendable said...

One can almost see the tingle draining out of his ass.

Dr. Doom said...

In the end it was the Amerikkkan electorate that found the cure for TLS (tingly leg syndrome)...

Anonymous said...

Grumpy Cat has been dethroned. Long may his successor, Mayor McHard Cheese, reign.

Anonymous said...

With a sphincter that puckered, it has to be good!

Anonymous said...

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of history's bed--or did Goldilocks just shit herself out of all three beds?

dadoctah said...

"Where is my pie? I was promised pie."

Kaptain Krude said...

B.B. King's reworking of an old song, "The Tingle is Gone", did not meet with Chris Matthews' approval.

Steve O said...

Have you ever seen anyone more in need of a b--- j--?

Jay Guevara said...

"Why can't I ever wear the strap-on?"

Anonymous said...

Get off my government's lawn, you damned whippersnappers!

Anonymous said...

Village of the Damned got all explodey.
Village of the Dem'd gets all implodey.