Monday, November 10, 2014

The SCOAMF's New Clothes



1. "Hey, does this Star Fleet uniform make me look like Tuvok?"
"Was Tuvok a stuttering crusterfruck of a miserable failure?"

2. "Is she the one that will, um, love me long time."

3. "This outfit is awesome. Now I can destroy America at Warp Speed."

4. And it was at this point the 'Too Many Cooks' video morphed into 'Too F--king Weird.'

5. "Do I look fabulous in this Star Fleet uniform or what? Set Phasers on 'Stunning!'"

Best of chronos the wonder pig
"I'm defecting & bringing Obamacare with me....."

Best of Mr Hankey
So what's the significance of the red uniform?

Best of jimmy
PrezBO was thrilled:
"You mean I can wear the same pajamas I wear to the national security briefings?"

Best of tinman
Obama joins Xi Jinping on stage in Beijing to showcase Ralph Lauren's Nehru meets Roddenberry line.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I would, um, uh, ask you how, um, uh, you, uh, you got your jacket so, um uh, so clean, but, uh, I'm sure you would, um, tell me, uh, that it was an, uh um, an uh, an ancient Chinese secret." Barack chuckled at his witticism.
Xi Jinping also laughed. "I rearry rearry rove that joke," he grinned. He grinned more broadly as he spoke sotto voce to his wife, "Prepare the missiles. Let's start with Chicago first."

Best of dadoctah
"Do you speaka any English? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?"

Best of The Expendable
"On behalf of the United States of... umm... America, I accept your... umm... gracious hospitality, Mr. Eleven."
(think about it)

Best of curly
"I'm here for the threesome, but who invited the, er, female?"

Best of Best of
Candidates Kodos and Xiang exchange nutrients on the world's stage, before a bewildered audience.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Hello Comrade - it is nice to finally meet you in person," glad handed the President, "I do so hope you have a shovel ready project for me..."

Best of Submariner
Honored to, um, meet you. I'd swap, uh, um, long-strand proteins, uh, but, um, I'd just want more an, um, hour from, uh, now.

34 comments:

chronos the wonder pig said...

"I'm defecting & bringing Obamacare with me....."

chronos the wonder pig said...

"I for one welcome our new Chinese overlords."

chronos the wonder pig said...

"I'd have brought M'Chel but she won't fit into one of these."

Mr Hankey said...

So what's the significance of the red uniform?

Kaptain Krude said...

"Can you believe it, Liyuan?", the Chinese Premier asked incredulously. "He bows to a Saudi prince, he bows to the Japanese, he even bowed to governor in his own country! But does he bow to me?? NO! This is an absolute outrage! Call in all of our debts that the Americans owe us!"

And that, boys and girls, is how America went to being a third-world country almost overnight.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Good good, Mr. President, very good", the director called out. "Now shake the robot's hand and... No! No! No bowing! Aw! Remember what we said about no bowing? All right, somebody reset the practice robot while we get everybody back to their places!"

jimmy said...

PrezBO was thrilled:

"You mean I can wear the same pajamas I wear to the national security briefings?"

M'Chel was less thrilled:

"I hate it when he wears my pajamas out in public...and looks better in them than I do."

dadoctah said...

Mummenschanz have really let themselves go.

Anonymous said...

Buy Chairman Meow's Little Red Pajamas to suit every occasion's bowing and scraping protocol: formal, semi-formal, casual business-denouncing, Hugo Chavez-Fridays

Anonymous said...

"Mister President, my wife does not approve of your 'Ehree gurl crayree rout a sharp dress, man' comment."

Anonymous said...

Secret Security radio chatter: Red Rocket has touched down upon Terra Ferrous. Operation Lockjaw is a go--I repeat, is a go. Bust all the sweet child-slave fortune cookies you can, boys!

Anonymous said...

Two guys' each with a missus who clearly shops at Mens Rea-house

Anonymous said...

Dennis "The Worm" Rodman's biggest fan begins the pilgrimage by crawling on his belly to the Nork's overlords first.

Anonymous said...

Proof that Commies, unlike minorities, do all look alike

Anonymous said...

Given this hustler's home island and our financial obligations, your state sovereignty and natural resource rights don't look too robust these next two years, Alaska.

Anonymous said...

Finally, the East Wing releases the red-carpet photo that killed Joan Rivers.

Anonymous said...

In toto,Dorothy turned her heels away from the Land of Oz in her quest for the ruby-red, slipshod knock-offs

Anonymous said...

"Ah, Jon Huntsman, it's so good of you to know your place, under my thumb."
"But I'm not--"
"Silence, cur! Your slavish imitiation does not flatter me but demeans you. Until a pair descend from your sallow, saggy abdomen, I will call you what I wish."

Anonymous said...

Even the old Kung Fu master in Kill Bill 2, who plucked out a supermodel's impertinent eye to acquire her obedience, would be sickened at this bootlicking.

Anonymous said...

Taiwan, you is fucked, son! This mimosa-sipping bitch gonna sell you out For-mo-sa "room to maneuver...after [this past] election."

tinman said...

Obama joins Xi Jinping on stage in Beijing to showcase Ralph Lauren's Nehru meets Roddenberry line.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Gaia damn that man," M'chell seethed. "Not only did he take my best dress, but he looks a lot better in it than I ever would. Oh well," she sighed, "it was time to get a new sofa anyway."

Kaptain Krude said...

"I would, um, uh, ask you how, um, uh, you, uh, you got your jacket so, um uh, so clean, but, uh, I'm sure you would, um, tell me, uh, that it was an, uh um, an uh, an ancient Chinese secret." Barack chuckled at his witticism.

Xi Jinping also laughed. "I rearry rearry rove that joke," he grinned. He grinned more broadly as he spoke sotto voce to his wife, "Prepare the missiles. Let's start with Chicago first."

dadoctah said...

"Do you speaka any English? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?"

Dr. Doom said...

"Well this is embarrassing," thought the President, "Stupid China Gap..."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

First thing the "Xi dude" said to Obamalama was, "Don't touch my girlfriend."
ORA Mike, Chicago voter

-OR-


Looks as if Obamalama really did "hear America." He's proactively training to be a waiter for that quaint Chinese restaurant, The Splendor of Hung Poo.



Related ASIAN RUMOR #46
Jack Ma, Alibaba founder, is actually George Takei after recovering from a nasty head on collision with a defective Takata airbag.

The Expendable said...

"On behalf of the United States of... umm... America, I accept your... umm... gracious hospitality, Mr. Eleven."

(think about it)

The Expendable said...

With new-found confidence in his ability to speak fluent Mandarin Chinese, thanks to Rosetta Stone, the President extends his hand and says, "Herro, President Zee."

curly said...

"I'm here for the threesome, but who invited the, er, female?"

Anonymous said...

Candidates Kodos and Xiang exchange nutrients on the world's stage, before a bewildered audience.

Dr. Doom said...

"Wow this is really comfortable and it has a nice deep red color... note to self," thought the President, "We must get a bunch of these uniforms for the Politbur... er... Congress."

Dr. Doom said...

In communist circles they are now known as Thing 1 and Thing 2...

Dr. Doom said...

"Hello Comrade - it is nice to finally meet you in person," glad handed the President, "I do so hope you have a shovel ready project for me..."

Submariner said...

Honored to, um, meet you. I'd swap, uh, um, long-strand proteins, uh, but, um, I'd just want more an, um, hour from, uh, now.