Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Kneeling Before Zod

Hat Tip: GP



1. "*We* find your bowing and scraping insufficiently obsequious. Go to John Boehner and let him show you the proper manner."

2. "Those, um, upskirt cams were installed under, um, Clinton. Nobody has figured out how to, um, turn them off yet."

3. The Emperor checked his concubines regularly to make sure their roots weren't coming in gray.

4. "Bo seems to have made a terrible mess on the carpet." "Um, yeah, Bo. It was totally Bo that did that."

5. "Bet you, um, didn't know that I could, um, destroy your immortal soul if you met my gaze. Now, clean up the mess, send some flowers to her family, and get out of my sight."

6. "Your supplication pleases *us*. We will allow your families to live."

Best of Best of
Ummmm, ahhh why the hell does, ummmmm, everybody hit their heads on the desk or wall when they see me?

Best of curly
“Quit staring at my, umm, cloven feet”.

Best of The Expendable
"No, no... umm... get up. When I ordered you to... umm... munch carpet, I meant... umm... never mind."

Best of Rodney Dill
Whose cankles are those sticking out from under the desk, Mr. President?

Best of Mr Hankey
Staffers offer themselves for execution upon presentation of the latest approval numbers

Best of chronos z. wonderpig
Do I have to get Reggie in here to show you how to do it?

Best of Dr. Doom
"Remember you must never make eye contact with her," cautioned the President, "An angry Wookie is a dangerous Wookie..."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Oh and bring me one of those tiaras like those little girls were wearing. I will have need of one at Man's Coun - er - my executive conference tonight," demanded the President...

Best of jimmy
"And so you see," PrezBO intoned, "all they have to do is utter the secret phrase--Sharyl Attkisson--and the trap door sends them straight to the wood chipper in the cellar."

Best of chronos z. wonderpig
Stop laughing you two. I really want to put the Obama Presidential Library in Havana!

Best of Best of
Damn kids left my vintage Darth Vader Carrying Case open on the desk with action figures strewn about the floor.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Still looking for a shred of integrity or patriotism from you, Mr. President. So far ... bupkis."

36 comments:

The Expendable said...

During the Clinton years, the interns were on the other side of the desk.

Anonymous said...

Ummmm, ahhh why the hell does, ummmmm, everybody hit their heads on the desk or wall when they see me?

curly said...

“Quit staring at my, umm, cloven feet”.

The Expendable said...

"No, no... umm... get up. When I ordered you to... umm... munch carpet, I meant... umm... never mind."

The Expendable said...

Kennedy got it. Clinton got it. Barry just doesn't get it.

Rodney Dill said...

The trash heap has spoken, we are not worthy

Rodney Dill said...

Whose cankles are those sticking out from under the desk, Mr. President?

Anonymous said...

You never know when or where he'll drop the "Royal We."

chronos z. wonderpig said...

"In my attempt to save the taxpayers money, I fill in as the White House operator!"

Mr Hankey said...

Staffers offer themselves for execution upon presentation of the latest approval numbers

chronos z. wonderpig said...

Do I have to get Reggie in here to show you how to do it?

Dr. Doom said...

Try as they might, the President's aides were unable to locate his approval numbers...

Dr. Doom said...

Mr. Putin's advance team demonstrates the proper greeting protocol for the President to use during the joint press conference...

Dr. Doom said...

♫ "...you put your head in and you shake it all about!", sang the President. Hokey Pokey foreign policy sessions are a favorite among the staffers at the White House...

Dr. Doom said...

"Remember you must never make eye contact with her," cautioned the President, "An angry Wookie is a dangerous Wookie..."

Dr. Doom said...

"Oh and bring me one of those tiaras like those little girls were wearing. I will have need of one at Man's Coun - er - my executive conference tonight," demanded the President...

jimmy said...

"And so you see," PrezBO intoned, "all they have to do is utter the secret phrase--Sharyl Attkisson--and the trap door sends them straight to the wood chipper in the cellar."

Dactyl said...

Have you found my contact lens yet?

Submariner said...

Episode 2 of his "Live 12 Days of Christmas" gift arrived:
2 Lackeys Bowing...
And a race-baiting 'ttorney Gen-er-al!

Submariner said...

Timing is everything in press photos Lesson 1
Always try to time shutter exposure to get the most flattering picture possible. This photo shows the possibilities about 27 milliseconds after the SCOAMF did his ridiculous Leo Di Caprio impression "I, uh, I'm the, um King of, uh, um, King of the, um, WORLD!" and 11 milliseconds before they hit the floor in convulsive laughter. Yet the timing makes it look like they are being obedient little sycophants!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Metaphor for S*N*A*F*U
While the Great Sphincter waits for his golf limo, Mrs. Tim the Toolman Taylor glues her forehead to the desktop and Edith Bunker dodges the podium rat.

-OR-

Okay, you've proven you didn't give me the head lice. Send in the chef, Carney and Biden.

-OR-

Well get down there and lick my shoes. Even if the GOP repeals my Freebies for Illegals agenda you're gonna be a minority by 2042.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

(shuffling papers) Let's see what next on my list of Executive Over-reaches... ah yes, Forced House Swaps. All white homeowners are to trade places with black ghetto dwellers by, oh, say March first. You two best get packing if you don't want to incur a penalty.

-OR-

Ladies try not to laugh as Obamalama says...
Oh, and tell 'Chel I ah slipped out for an um meeting at the hotel. No! Not the hotel! The er golf course, yeah, heh the golf course.

Dr. Doom said...

"No the extra phone phone is my 'vacation hotline'," snapped the President, "Now stop asking stupid questions and find the number for my Travel Czar immediately!"

chronos z. wonderpig said...

"Oh Mr President, how long would it be if you were all black?

Anonymous said...

Aww, he misses Hillary's stooped figure shuffling around the West Wing belfry, all quasi-moderate-like.

chronos z. wonderpig said...

If you two don't learn to do it right you'll have an "exercise" accident, just like Harry Reid......

chronos z. wonderpig said...

Stop laughing you two. I really want to put the Obama Presidential Library in Havana!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

BANG!
No need to duck, ladies. I gave Biden a box of Cuban Exploding Cigars for the holidays and the idiot's still trying to smoke them.
BANG!

Kaptain Krude said...

"Aaaah," the President moaned softly to himself. "That one had just the right bouquet to it. Grab a wine glass so you can enjoy it too!" The smug was strong in the room.

Turns out, South Park was way ahead of its time.

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble: "Note to self: widen the trap door so I can get to tee time faster..."

Submariner said...

"Da-amn, Mr. President; Boehner's one heck of a boot-licker, ain't he?!?!""

Submariner said...

"No sir, the archaeologists still haven't found your ratings in that cave, but they did find 73 more votes for Al Franken and a curious "certificate of live birth" from Kenya..."

Anonymous said...

Damn kids left my vintage Darth Vader Carrying Case open on the desk with action figures strewn about the floor.

Anonymous said...

[Tracy Morgan voice] "All bitches be droppin' deys eggs in da Ovum Office."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Aw damn, 'Chel bought me cheap Chinese blow up dolls that leak! Where'd I put that VtheK's Toy Shoppe ad for primo Jap dolls? I gots to have me some!

-OR-

BTW, girls, why uhm is SCOAMF rubberstamped on erm all these reports?
Girls in Unison: It's the alias Secret Service assigned you.
Must ah signify umm something pretty eh awesome, huh?
Sound of crickets chirping as girls double over to stifle titters

-OR-

What.do.you.mean my ratings have plunged? They're right here in this morning's FSEO (For SCOAMF's Eyes Only) briefing. They look great!
Sir, for the past 5 years we've been giving you a photocopy of one from 2009. Here's a current poll.
OMG, the public hates me?
My party hates me?
My WIFE and KIDS hate me?
The damned DOG hates me?? And, I was just kissing her butt!
'Chel's butt?
Hell NO.... the dog's butt. Are you deaf, Gladys?

Jay Guevara said...

"Still looking for a shred of integrity or patriotism from you, Mr. President. So far ... bupkis."