Sunday, December 07, 2014

Late to the Party

This has been passed around all weekend. I *know* you monors can do better.


1. "I wish the whole world would just burn... burn... burn.."

2. "It's starting to sleet and that poor, stupid bastard still can't find the door. How long has he lived here, like six years? What a SCOAMF."

3. ORA: "Ewwww, Ugly Naked Guy is doing jumping jacks.'"

4. "That's right. You wouldn't want any tan lines on that fine chocolate skin. Nobody's lookin... Just take it off."

5. "Why are these things so damned hard to open. I'm trapped in here with my own farts."

36 comments:

dadoctah said...

All these years and Kevin's parents *still* routinely leave him home alone....

Double the U said...

Great, I forgot to close the gate on the White House fence again and here comes another idiot running across the lawn.

The Expendable said...

"That son of a bitch bought a boat!"

chronos z. wonderpig said...

Did Barry call me a pane of glass or a pain in the ass?

Nose said...

That guy....the one just outside the door...white hair...blue tie...just staring at me. Not gonna blink first!

chronos z. wonderpig said...

"how long can she hold the broom like that?"

The Expendable said...

ORA: "Wash off the soap. That's right. Wash it off. Look at that. Bend over. Drop the soap. That's it... stand up, Chuck. Oh, God, I wish I was a loofah..."

Anonymous said...

*Thump*
How am I not outside?
*Thump*
How am I not outside?
*Thump*
How am I not outside?

Anonymous said...

Indoor rector or window licker?

Anonymous said...

Charles Nelson Riley, the center square behind the seat of power

Achilles Ghost said...

"That Timothy Leary book was full of crap. I have been licking this windowpane all day and no effect, nothing."

Dr. Doom said...

Biden, the introspective seconds...

metalgarth said...

Alternate reality X257799
"President Sotero, there's an awful lot of lawless going down in Ferguson tonight. Gov. Nixon *did* activate the National Guard"

"Tell them to shoot looters on sight. We are not going to put up with this crap"

Markus ARyanas said...

"Finally, I'm alone." (faaaaaaaaaart)

metalgarth said...

Our reality
"What id C-A-T, really spelled Dog?"

Mr Hankey said...

....they never let poor Joseph, play in any reindeer games.

Mr Hankey said...

I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!

Mr Hankey said...

Although he would never be a community organizer, Joe promised to be the best dang Neighborhood Watch of all time

Mr Hankey said...

I'm So Ronery
So ronery
So ronery and sadry arone .

Fuck you Hans Blix!!!

jimmy said...

Heartbroken Joe Biden sat at the window for hours, hoping "dreamy" Prince William had come to take him away from all this.

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA: *sigh* Rapsdower.

The Expendable said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GregMan said...

"How come when Bo poops on the White House lawn, everybody praises him, but when I poop on the White House lawn everybody yells at me?

The Expendable said...

As the television camera slowly pans away from the subject, the voiceover begins:

"Hypnocil is not for everyone. Common side effects include mood or behavior changes, anxiety, trouble sleeping, memory loss, blurred vision, blue urine, hallucinations, sleepwalking, uncontrollable sexual urges, painful gas with oily discharge, and explosive diarrhea. Ask your approved health care provider if Hypnocil is right for you."

Steve O said...

Hmmm. Get the shotgun... don't get the shotgun...

Steve O said...

In consideration of the photographer, pictures of Joe Biden are now taken behind a barrier of some sort.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

♩ ♫ Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener... ♪ ♬

-OR-

Good grief, next he'll be mating with that dog!

-OR-

♩ ♫ I wonder if there's something in the Constitution specifically prohibiting a VP from overthrowing that black SOB? ♪ ♬

-OR-

If I concentrate really hard, maybe I can make him float right up into the chopper blades? Unnnngh Unnnngh Damn, didn't work.

-OR-

Window window in the wall
Who's the smartest one of all?
Not you!
Window, you suck at ego stroking.
Got nothing to work with.

Anonymous said...

A wistful Forrest Gump looks back upon his years and regrets not baring his ass more.

Kaptain Krude said...

"What if... what if... what if I never find out who's a good boy?"

Rodney Dill said...

The Don't ask, Don't tell quadrant of Johari's window.

Rodney Dill said...

“…Hmmm… Who ate the strawberries?….”

Mongo like Candy.

Sloth love Chunk.

…This is the song that never ends.
It just goes on and on my friend,
Some people started singing it,
Not knowing what is was.
But now they keep on singing it
Forever, just because,
This it the song that never ends…

“I hope I get a big enough bonus to put in that pool, and not just get signed up for the Jelly Of The Month club again.”

“I can’t even…..”

Dr. Doom said...

Worst erectile dysfunction ad EVAH....

Dr. Doom said...

Best electile dysfunction ad EVAH...

Rodney Dill said...

"I never wanted to be Vice President, What I really wanted was to be.... a LUMBERJACK."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Grumpy Cat's got nothing on Grumpy Joe.

-OR-

Thawtbubble: He did it. He really did it! He went and had them Superglue my lips shut! I can't believe what I say is that stupid.

-OR-

Thawtbubble: I've been standing here 2 hours waiting for the pizza guy. Cost to the taxpayers? $582, but at least the pizza's gonna be free!

Mr Hankey said...

Where will you be when diarrhea strikes?