Friday, May 30, 2014

Bat Man

Brender


1. "I'll be in my bunk."

2. "This one time... at Man's Country..."

3.  "And you are sure this will persuade Mr. Putin. What is he bringing to the fight?"

4. "Now we will, um, see if the Eatin' Shovel is any match for the, um, Adultery Bat."

5. "George Will cried like a little girl when took this autographed Mickey Mantle bat away from him."

Best of GregMan
"So I can use this to clobber a whitey next time I go out for Knockout Game?"

Best of USMC2841
Moochelle won't tell me what she uses it for. She just calls it "The Real President".

Best of metalgarth
Next time the MSM throws me a softball, Imma score me a home run!

Best of Artfldgr
Its smaller than what i am used to but i think it will do

Best of The Expendable
Slugger? I barely know 'er.

Best of Rodney Dill
Wow, I've never had my own Tennis racket before.

Best of Submariner
I took it up to here on my first try!

Best of jimmy
"Speak softly and carry a big stick. Is that some sort of euphemism?"

Best of Dr. Doom
"OK I'll play," said the President while admiring the bat, "But only if I can be catcher..."

Best of chronos the wonder pig
"Bat cave, 10 minutes...."

Best of Submariner
"A FOOTBALL BAT! Please tell Senator Cruz thank you for me and that I've wanted one ever since I first heard myself compared to one!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Adolescent President


1. Baked out of his mind, the SCOAMF walked around the visitor's line at the White House insisting, "I'm a MOOSE. GRRRRRRR!"

2. "... and after I double dog dared Puting to invade Ukraine, I did this."

3.  The SCOAMF shows the masterful debating skills that won him a sport on the Harvard Law Review.

4. "You'll be enslaved to my debts for the rest of your life; how do you like that, Crackah! Thpffffft!"

5. All the onlookers shared one thoughtbubble: "OMG, we elected this incompetent clown 2c. WTF is wrong with out country?"

Best of dub
    Jokes on him....he'll NEVER get re-elected acting like this.

Best of Jay Guevara
    "Uh ... Mr. President ... the Supreme Court Justices are over here."

Best of Best of
    Hillary gave an evil smile just as she shoved the palm of her hand into the SCOAMF's chin and lopped off his tongue.

Best of Dr. Doom
    The President provides his standard response to another FNC Reporter asking about Benghazi...

Best of Dr. Doom
    The crowd always loves it when the President does his Joe Biden impressions..

Best of Submariner
    I love these old "Our Gang" shows, but when did Buckwheat start wearing a suit?

Best of Dactyl
    Okay Mr. President, you show me your war face and I'll pretend to be scared.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    Damn, teleprompter must be down again......

Best of jimmy
    "I've spent all the treasury money on Obamaphones, food stamps and welfare to buy my votes. No money left for your detestable military health care. Nyah!"

Best of marco
    A routine meeting between the SCOAMF and Sec. of State Clinton, circa winter 2009.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "So then I told her, I told her, 'M'chelle, I've hidden your eating shovel, and only I know where it is. Now, I'd like to discuss the eating and smoking arrangements.' Then, just for the hell of it, I threw in one of these."

Best of Jay Guevara
    ORA: "Show her your nuts!"

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Asian Mail Order Brides ... You're Doing It Wrong


1. Elliot Rodger's Prom Picture explains a helluva lot, doesn't it? (Too soon?)

2. Whatever is going on here is way more interesting than that Kanye-Kardashian thing. But then, so is oatmeal.

3. Thailand's first (lady)boy band, "Burning Sensation," scored huge with their international hit, "Me Love You Long Time."

4. When Barney Frank orders Oriental Take-Out.

5. Ang Lee was the surprise choice to direct the sequel to Bridesmaids.

Best of Best of
    Pai Gown

Best of chronos the wonder pig
Stay tuned for a sneak preview of the new hit MSNBC series, Brother Wives of the Aspacher! Watch as the Aspacher visits Man County to propose to "Barry".

Best of Dr. Doom
I bet Aspacher Catering has this wedding reception in the bag, um... tied up, er... nailed down... oh well you get the idea...

Best of metalgarth
After all those years of China's "one child" policy and after getting rid of the daughters... it was bound to happen

Best of Submariner
    How can you have a 5 person boy band and not have a single tenor or bass voice?

Best of Dactyl
    Man, those transgender beauty pageants aren't even trying any more.

Best of dadoctah
    Four out of five brides think strapless is the way to go.
    - or -
    When I was your age, it only took *two* fairies to sing the prayer that invokes Mothra.
 

Friday, May 23, 2014

The Cool Part Is How Nonchalant the Bystanders Are


1. "Excuse me, could you tell me..." "Turn around, go up two lights, then turn left and Folsom Street is six blocks from there."

2. Ugly Naked Man has been struggling for attention ever since 'Friends' was canceled.

3. "Hey! Is that a Chesapeake Bay Trolling Retriever?"

4."Hey! You people with the dog over there, are you discussing your faith in Jesus Christ? Because that offends me!"

5. *You* try to find a public restroom in downtown Portland, OR.


Threadwinner Submariner
    On the next MONTEL:
    Strangest car-jacking ever caught on video

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    But occifer, I could get uromysitisis poisoning and die if I don't go.
    ORA (yeah, I've used it before... it's too good to forget)

Best of David
    "Yes, sir, I know it's been cold, but it's above freezing now, and besides, your door is open. You don't need to thaw the lock with your urine."

Best of The Expendable
    Pretty amazing shadow for a white guy. Just sayin'.

Best of Dr. Doom
    I see Aspacher Catering is hiring again...

Best of Best of
    There's more than one way to combat seasonal vitamin D deficiency

Best of dadoctah
    Next time, just let the guy wipe your windshield, hand him a couple of bucks, and avoid a lot of trouble.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Dream a Little Dream of Me


I Could Eat Pancakes Offa Those

Plenty More Where Those Came From


1. "I've never seen a child dismemboweled by a pack of chihuahuas before. Gross."

2. "Hey! Kitty Genovese! Could you keep it down out there? Some of us are trying to masturbate."  (Too Soon?)

3.  "Oh, look, a man fisting a cocker spaniel. I LOVE living on Folsom Street."

4. "Ennui, please let go of my tits."

5. "Can't ... force... hand... through... opening... Blocked... somehow..."
 

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

And Now a Peek at George Costanza's Pron Collection



1. Blond zombies.

2. Having successfully dispersed the church picnic with her erotic interpretive dance, Lulu consumes her prize.

3. Some women you can't dress up OR take anywhere.

4.  If you think the binge is scary, you really don't want to be around for the purge.

5. Gallagher paid his whores well to indulge his fetishes.

Best of Double the U
    The Clintons interview a nanny for their grandchild.

Best of The Expendable
    When you asked if I'd seen your melons, of course I thought you meant something else.

Best of Best of
    Relax, let your hair down. Don't be so prim and proper, Miss I-don't-want-grass-stains...

Best of Best of
    Backsliding Britney does it again

Best of Son Of The Godfather
No one saw much of Subby's date after someone uttered the magical phrase "Vodka infused watermelon".

Best of Submariner
    NOM Nom nom...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Surrounded by buff surfers and trim young lasses, the mother desperately tried to show she could be cool. Her husband wisely closed his eyes and silently shook his head.

Best of Dr. Doom
    The Ellen DeGeneres Show season wrap party was... predictable.

Call Sign: Lardbutt

Brender



1. Kim just couldn't wait until his 'Top Gun' training got to the homoerotic volleyball game.

2. "This joystick is so rigid and hard... I've never held anything like it."

3. "You're right, revered leader, I bet you could totally fly this naked on meth. I'll have some brought immediately."

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "Why not drone? Obama got drone..."

Best of Double the U
    pew! pew! pew!

Best of Double the U
    The highlight is North Korea's version of Commander Data in the background.

Best of David
    "So when I'm ready to taxi, I shift into first and let the clutch out slowly, right?"

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "Just aim for M'Chel's butt, you can't miss....."

Best of The Expendable
    "I stirr can't reach pedars. Bring bigger fruffy pirrow!"

Best of Submariner
    General's thawt bubble; "Must.Fight.Urge.To.Pull.Ejection.Handle..."

Best of Rodney Dill
    "Where is hot cocoa dispenser?"

Best of Rodney Dill
    General: "Well you should've gone before we left."

Best of Submariner
    "...and when you get over Creverand Marr, punch brue button to rerease Mr. Nessman's turkeys. They wirr fry down to prebians who wirr give harerujahs of praise to Dear Reader's generosity at Thanksgiving..."

Best of The Expendable
    "Who raffing now, Retterman?"

Best of Jay Guevara
    "Of course, Dear Leader, I'll immediately have shot whoever put up that "You Must Be This Tall" sign.

Best of Dr. Doom
"And this button closes the cockpit so you can defeca... um... er... plan your glorious birthday party in solitude, Exalted One", instructed General Han.

The Mainstream Media and Obama; a Visual Metaphor



Best of Best of
    A new fresco in Tijuana's cathedral celebrates local heritage

Best of David
    One of Botticelli's lesser-known works: "The Birth of Obama's Foreign Policy".

Best of Rodney Dill
    Bubble Butt: Ur doin it rong
    (...but who am I to complain)

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Is it just me, or did the makers of Summer's Eve commercials just step over a line?

Best of Best of
    Proposed covert art for Van Halen's unfinished album,
    OU[clef symbol]12

Best of Rodney Dill
    Crescendo to Fartissomo.

Best of Rodney Dill
    Every time a Dem Bill passes,
    another angel vents some gasses.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Power Lunch

Brender
 


1. "Oh, c'mon. There must be some part of the economy I can still f--k up. I've still got three years, FFS."

2. "Kobe's deliberately ignoring me. Add him to the kill list."

3. "Fighting income inequality is hungry work. Toss me another $300 wegyu burger."

4. "Hey, baby, do fries go with that shake? Seriously, I want some fries, you proletarian wage-slave bitch."

5. "We're ready for the check; charge it to future generations of Americans, please."

Best of Best of
    About to receive the executive bitch slap, a pool reporter beams with pride at being singled out.

Best of Double the U
Obama became frustrated that the waitress kept ignoring him, the woman smiled politely although she didn't want to be there and Biden just kept giggling as he blew bubbles with his straw.

Best of The Expendable
    Missy, five more "chocolate Russians" for my friend here. He's making a speech tonight on race relations at the NAACP convention and I want him nice and relaxed.

Best of dadoctah
    "You don't need to see his papers. These are not the droids you're looking for."

Best of Submariner
    Who's a brothah got to get his Veep to blow to get a pack a Newports over here?

Best of GregMan
    "I'd like another still-beating heart from a patriotic Amerikkkan, please."

Best of David
    So, this is where the little people eat? Disgusting. I'll have Michele issue "guidelines" to make such places illegal.

Best of curly
    The sycophantic bimbo tried to act amazed at how quickly Barry could hypnotize the idiotic Plugs Biden.

Best of jimmy
Biden Thawtbubble - So that's how he remembers my name... he writes it on the palm of his hand!

Best of Submariner
    ♫ Five ♪
    Uh, um...
    ♫ Five! ♪
    Um... How does that, uh, um, jingle go, uh, again?

Best of Steve O
President Teleprompter will sometimes use Joey Tribiani's "smell a fart" technique to convey thoughtfulness.

Best of Dr. Doom
    I see someone ordered the Psilocybin Special..

Friday, May 16, 2014

Late to the Meme Party as Usual



Best of Best of
    Sleeping with Half the Enemy

Best of Best of
    #BringBackJheriCurls

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    Lard Butt "Some cracker done photoshopped me like we photoshopped the birth certificate!"

Best of Mephitis
    mis-spelled whitney, and de beotch be gone fo a wile now

Best of David
    First Lady Michelle Obama unveils the 2014 Democratic Party platform, which tested well with progressive focus groups.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    I guess M'chel doesn't like the new white sofa that the taxpayers bought her.

Best of Submariner
    m'Chel obviously thinks the new davenport won't make a good dress...

Best of Submariner
    #I_KEEL_U

Best of Submariner
    #I_BE_A_BEARD

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    The original sign said: $100 reward for my missing Eatin Shovel

With a Hammer

Schneider



Best of Dactyl
    And when she took it back out, it had turned into a diamond!

Best of Best of
    Laurie Metcalf looks good all these years after Roseanne

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Now we know what Seth Green's been doing since Buffy the Vampire Slayer went off the air.

Best of The Expendable
    If you're blue and you don't know where to go to
    Why don't you go where fashion sits,

    Puhddun ahn du Riss

Best of dadoctah
    Actually, I'd do her. Just to get her to make that face.

Best of Submariner
    I KNOW her eyes are "up there." They're even more frightening than the rest! There just isn't any safe place to look...

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Pizza From Hell

Russ in Oregon
1. Obama's order from Papa John's reflected a lack of enthusiasm for the Obamacare employer mandate.

2. "Idiots," Hillary seethed. "They were supposed to be live scorpions!"

3. ORA: From inside the box came a tiny chorus of voices, "Here we are... rock you like a hurricane." 

4. Out of fresh Gagh, the White House kitchen hoped this would please M'Chel.

5. Still... far more appetizing than most Scandinavian cuisine.

Best of Submariner
    I've had jalapeno pizza feel like that the next day. Just sayin'

Best of Dactyl
    [Really ORA] There's nothing worse than half-dead Gagh.

Best of Dr. Doom
    Never order the 'Psilocybin Special' from the Haight-Ashbury Pizza Hut.

Best of Best of
    Send it back! They forgot the centipedes AGAIN! So hard to get good help these days.

Best of curly
I didn't realize Nancy Pelosi's used sanitary napkins would come out shaped like a slice of pizza.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    So, Teh Stinger went and launched his own pizza parlor?

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

For the Lulz



Best of Dr. Doom
    Unfortunately we know exactly where Michael Moore was when his laxative kicked in...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
    TARDIS; no match for a single photon torpedo.

Best of racerboy
    "Go judge the chili cookoff!" they said...
    "It'll be fun!" they said...

Best of Rodney Dill
    "Looks like Darth had the Kessel Runs for 12 parsecs."

Best of Submariner
    Note to self: "Insanity Sauce" on top of the Habanero and Ghost Pepper Burrito? VERY bad idea...

Best of Dr. Doom
The unexpected consequences of setting up Juan's Flying Burrito Truck next to the Weight Watchers Clinic on all you can eat Tuesday...

Best of Kaptain Krude
ORA: Homer's encounter with the Guatemalan Insanity Pepper had some... unpleasant side effects. He can no longer come with 500 feet of the high school.

Best of Rodney Dill
    Obviously Luke used to bulls-eye more than just Womp rats with his T-16 back home.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
 Never swallow more than the recommended amount of laxatives even if you KNOW when they'll kick in.

Best of RonF
    After the "Incident of 1992" the EPA banned me from ever eating chili again.

 

The Rush


1. Defense cuts have really taken their toll on the Army's tank divisions.

2. Still a more effective fighting machine than the F-35

3. GM pays back its taxpayer bailout by supplying new tactical vehicles to the Army.

Best of racerboy and Divine Miss M
    Bobsled's always been a little bit ghey; with training wheels, even more so.

Best of Rodney Dill
    The new Army DumVee

Best of The Expendable
    The old "I don't know but I've been told" cadence has been updated with the family-friendy "Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme..."

Best of dadoctah
    "Now let's do a drive-by on those Kia hamsters!"

Best of Dr. Doom
    Pictured here is latest in US military alternative fuel vehicles, the Gravity Operated Cargo Accessible Recon Truck (GOCART) funded by billions in grants from the Obama Administration. Trials at the Bonneville Salt Flats are not going well...

Best of Whacko
    Unfortunately, the new GM armored vehicles had to be recalled due to faulty air bags.

Best of Rodney Dill
    Hummer? I don't even know her.

Best of Submariner
    I see Chevy made MAJOR improvements in the Volt for this year...

Best of GregMan
    Obama's Army prepares for war in Ukraine.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Nanny Rictus McBotoxImplants


1. Nancy has a flashback to her '60'sWoodstock days and begins chanting "Freebird" to a band that now only exists in her botox-addled mind.

2.  "... and so our platform for 2014, 2016, and beyond will remain 'Free Shit from the Government.'"

3. "Next up on the auction block... $400 Billion in 'Green Energy' subsidies. What is the opening bid?"

4. "And now, I Pelosia, Queen of the Undead, command you, Zombies... attack the Benghazi Investigation."

5. You can always tell a serial killer by the Crazy in their eyes.

Best of Best of
    Stenny could hardly withstand the compulsion to lick Nancy's fingers.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Appropriations Filibuster: Oh, fine, now you've made me lose my place! I'll have to start counting to $148 Billion all over on my gnarled fingers! $1, $2, $3, $4....


Best of Submariner
    NO ONE expects the Inquisition...

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    is that Hillary under the podium?

Best of curly
    Her aging skin unnaturally tight due to years of plastic surgery and Botox abuse, Nancy “Stretch” Pelosi prepares to catch her eyeball, should it unexpectedly pop out.

Best of Dr. Doom
    "Get it right people - it is not the Benghazi Scandal," chided Ms. Pelosi at the press conference, "It is the Ambassadorial Reduction in Force Program..."

Best of The Expendable
Futurama ORA:    Where will you be when your boneitis flares up?

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Lesser Known Applications of the Force

Schneider

Best of David "I'm altering the septic tank. Pray I don't alter it further."   

Best of Son Of The Godfather "I find your lack of toilet paper disturbing."  

Best of dadoctah "The Force fills us. It flows through us all. The Force flows through us. It binds us all." -- Jedi Master Yoda

Best of Carpe Phlogiston Emperor: There is a great disturbance in the Force. Darth Vader: I have felt it. My laxatives just kicked in!  

Best of Submariner Whoever took my copy of Playboy's "Girls of Battlestar Galactica" issue will feel the full power of the dark side when I finish wiping...  

Best of Rodney Dill "These are not the 'roids you're looking for."  

Best of The Expendable "DON'T COME IN! I'm just... I'm polishing my helmet..."

Happy Mother's Day

Friday, May 09, 2014

Puss 'N Boobs


1. The Cat on the Rack 

2. "Litter? I barely know her!"

3. "Hm, they may not be real, but they are spectacular."

4. "Could you be more specific about that which you intend to shave?"

Best of Best of
 S.E. Cupp cross-promotes Playtex's cross-your-heart bra in the Crossfire restroom at CNN, as a cross Van Jones hallucinates about cross burnings across the hall.

 Best of dadoctah
    Definition of the Internet. Figure 1.

Best of The Expendable
    Cat singing: "They're bouncy, flouncy, trouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!"

Best of Submariner
    Welcome to Rock Ridge...


 

An Important Message

Mel Brooks's 1974 classic Blazing Saddles -- a film much loved and of-quoted among the monors -- could not be made today. The dour, Race-Thumping Puritanical Goons of the Left have lost the mental capacity to distinguish between satire of racism and actual racism (such as the Democrat Party's belief that minority voters are too lazy and stupid to get voter ID's).

Anyway, 40th Anniversary Edition has been released. Probably best to get a hold of a copy before is disappears like those "racist" and "violent" Bugs Bunny cartoons from the 40's.


Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Sometimes You Have to Let the Wookie Win


1. "One more comment about my boob belt and I'll crush your little cracker head."

2. "Yes, this one is perfect. Prepare the Altar."

3. "If this is a consular ship, WHERE is the ambassador?"

4.  "So, thought you could escape from Harry Reid's Dungeon of Horrors, you little catamite?"

5. And then Sigoourney Weaver came round the corner in an Exo-Skeleton shouting "Get Away from Her You Bitch!"

Best of  Dactyl
    You're so cute, I almost want to unhinge my jaw.

Best of  Double the U
    The head chef presented the first course offering.

Best of  Best of 
In combat during The Spy Who Loved Me, a young Bond finds himself caught in an unbreakable death grip by Jaws, who is about to fatally bite him.

Best of  David
    Dammit, lady, for the last time, my name's NOT Kuato, and I don't know anything about the mutant resistance on Mars!

Best of  Submariner
    "Seems a little stringy to serve at a dinner party for Oprah. Let's try another..."

Best of  GregMan
"Nemmind that #bringbackourgirls horsesh1t, I gone start a new hashtag, #smashwhiteysskullin, and I be startin wif you!"

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
    Good grief, child, you're a little young to be that glad to see me!

Best of  The Expendable
M'chel's much vaunted arm-toning exercise routine had the added benefit of causing brain damage in young children, thereby guaranteeing an increase in the number of future Democrat voters.

Best of  Dr. Doom
"Take this one to the Safe Schools Czar, and may Gaia have mercy on his soul," directed the First Lady...

M'Chel's Dance Party

Chronos the wonder pig 


1. INVISBUL B'ATLETH

2. Worf was so embarrassed when Riker walked in on his 'Bollywood Dance Party' Holodeck program.

3.  "Come at me, bro! I'll take on ALL of you Chalk-Faced Whores!"

4. "And now, through the language of interpretive dance, I will express exactly how much I hate and despise Amerikkka."

5. "Let's Do The Time Warp Again!"

Best of  Submariner
    ♪ Everybody Wang Chewbaca tonight! ♫

Best of  Best of 
    Bruce Lee's 1972 film Game of Death presents the screen debut of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, whose character Hakim fights Billy Lo (played by Lee).

Best of  Submariner
    Invisible paper origami mistress of the dark.

Best of  Submariner
    Thawt bubble; "so many hands reaching out for government give-aways, so little time..."

Best of  Dr. Doom
    Worst Jazz Hands EVAH...

Best of  The Expendable
    Thawt bubble: "you'd think she'd have better rhythm..."

Best of  Submariner
    Wooky's thawt bubble; "How DO they get their pajamas so white? Except that guy, of course..."

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
    Everyone else was doing Tai Chi. Nobody had a clue what the black giant was doing. Nobody dared ask.

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Sad Jay Carney


Getting So a Tranny Can't Walk Its Chicken Without Raising a Fuss

………………Russ in Oregon



1. Barney Frank is really enjoying his vacation in Paris.

2. John Kerry never should have bet that his mad diplomatic skillz would keep Putin from invading Ukraine.

3. Anything to avoid covering Benghazi, huh, MSDNC?

4. Some high school seniors go all-out on graduation pictures.

5. One begins to understand why Putin outlawed this kind of sh-t.

Best of Submariner
    Johnny Weir unveils his new French-designed ice-dancing costume...

Best of GregMan
    The French deploy their new anti-Russian weapon in support of Ukraine. It proves to be just as useful as anything else the French Army has done for the past hundred years.

Best of kg
    Wolverine's career as a street performance artist wasn't well known.

Best of Russ in Oregon
    The rooster is just thankful he wasn't sold to Richard Gere.

Best of jimmy
    That Madonna...you gotta hand it to her. Just don't handle it after she does.

Best of The Expendable
    Cock of the walk. And a chicken on a leash.

Best of Dr. Doom
    Drudge Breaking...  Today in Paris Amerikkka's ambassador to France hand delivered the President's latest threats of sanctions against Russia to EU leaders though the medium of interpretive dance.

Best of dadoctah
    Next time someone asks why they cross the street, show them this.

Best of David
    After a nice, restful evening with his pig, Jimmy took his chicken for a walk.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
NEA GRANT #51782: "Nuns, a Santeria priest and a chicken juxtaposed against an iconic phallic symbol" What, you're surprised?

Best of Dactyl
    Freddy Krueger, laundry day. What?

Best of Dr. Doom
    the Safe Schools Czar nearly caused an international incident while vacationing last week. Fortunately it was only France...

Best of curly
    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    A: To get some eye bleach.

Best of Submariner
    Dad?

Best of friv 3
    Briefly but we can understand what want to mention.

Best of Submariner
    Online Essays goes for a walk...

Monday, May 05, 2014

Power Coupling


1. Mutual thoughtbubbles: "You have the smell of DEATH upon you."

2. "We totally hosed up the health care system, didn't we?" "We sure did, darling. We sure did."

3. "You're the bestest health care website designer ever!" "And you're the bestest president ever."

4. Mutual thoughtbubbles: "I hate you."

5. "I meant 'you look like a whore' as a compliment."

Sunday, May 04, 2014

May the 4th Be With You



Best of dadoctah
    You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. But hey, boobies!

Best of David
    Dammit, Threepio! Don't you protocol droids know to knock first?!

Best of Best of
    Remember, kids, cocaine causes lazy eye!

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    M'Chel turns lesbian....

Best of Dr. Doom
    "Madame First Lady, kindly remove your hand, I don't swing that way," instructed Princess Leia...

Best of Whacko
    Princess Leia can sure hit those high notes!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    It's difficult to translate Kashyyykian but I believe Chewbacca's saying "They're real and they're spectacular!"

Best of Steve O
    New strategy... let the Wookie cop a feel!

Best of dadoctah
    After the Star Wars Holiday Special aired, nothing seemed too "out there".

Best of David
    "Enumclaw's not a man, it's a planet."

Friday, May 02, 2014

Is it wrong that the most disturbing thing to me in this picture is the pink nail polish?


1. The pig saw what he had waken up next to and promptly chewed his own arm off.

2. Perfect date; you make love all night, and in the morning, she turns into bacon.

3. How Democrats and Labor Unions actually view their relationship.

4. "I am so glad we moved to Massachusetts."

5. After posting this all over social media, his fraternity brothers felt really bad when it turned out he was dead of alcohol poisoning.

Best of Best of
Jimmy was on track to be the next democrat candidate for governor of Texas until the photo of his fidelity leaked.

Best of Jay Guevara
    Snot dreams, "Damn that George Bush. But for him, I'd have a job."

Best of GregMan
    "I love you, Sandra Fluke."

Best of Dr. Doom
    Rosie O'Donnell's parents seen here in the happier times before her birth...

Best of Kaptain Krude
    No no no! The saying is, you can put lipstick on a pig! You darn kids mess everything up!

Best of Submariner
    ...and in a few minutes, the msm reporter woke up to news that the White House had indeed directed the video be blamed for Benghazi...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Apparently, Doris the pig suffers from low self-esteem.

Best of The Expendable
    Porker? I barely know 'er!

Best of David
    Ordinarily unemployable due to his appearance, Jesse found steady work as a pig gigolo.

Best of Steve O
    When your life choices preclude you from having relationships with members of your own species...