Wednesday, July 30, 2014

How Poor Was Hillary?

So poor she had to wear a swimming pool cover as a coat, apparently.



Best of Best of
    The ol' grey Matrix ain't what she used to be--just look at this ghastly Trinity facsimile

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Hilary knows what kind of reception she'll get just about anywhere, hence the spit-resistant coat.

Best of Submariner
    Y'all are just plain cruel.
    That's an expensive, high-fashion, skin-tight, latex body suit that m'Chel gave Hillary.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The meeting between Slick Willie and the Vogon ambassador ended with an exchange of 3 white mice hostages and some alien torture poetry for the Clinton Library's collection of upskirt photos and dirty limericks.

Best of Dr. Doom
Hillary finally tapped bill to be her wing-man in her search for young female talen... um interns. Turns out he is a natural - go figure...

Best of Mr Hankey
    Off to find a heart and a brain? Follow the Yellow Brick Road!

Best of jimmy
    Who knew they made snuggies in pleather?

Best of Mr Hankey
    Post-Benghazi, all Hillary outfits were anondized to prevent anything else from sticking.

Best of Mr Hankey
    Like a green screen, Bill can now superimpose any image on top of Hillary's body. An added bonus lets him see any cold fronts coming through Wyoming.

Meanwhile, Back at the Al Bundy Memorial

Brender


Best of Best of
After a bold renovation Stu's Water Park and Petting Zoo outmaneuvers public health advocates

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    It's not just a toilet... a FERGUSON. The King of bowls!

Best of jimmy
I think it was Carl Sagan--or was it Archie Bunker?--who said the world would not end with a bang, but a "va-woooosh".

Best of Submariner
    Seriously, you really shouldn't ask to use the WC at Hagrid's hut...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The Voluntary Swirly Test helps teachers identify those kids most likely to become bullying victims.

Best of Dr. Doom
    The Performance Art Players Troupe performs its smash hit The Economy...

Best of curly
The induction rituals of the Future Plumbers of America was even creepier than the Skull and Bones Society ceremonies.

Best of Mr Hankey
    Yoko Ono finally realizes that her art was always just shit anyways.

Best of The Expendable
    So when you said you "dropped the kids off at the pool", you were being literal?

Best of GregMan
Future voters of America get to see a visual representation of where Obama is taking their future employment prospects.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Looks Like Someone Just Found Out About Her Impending Clitorectomy



Best of Mr Hankey
    So Rod Roddy, what prizes do we have for little Julie here once she swallows the evidence?

Best of dadoctah
The MDA cast a disturbingly wide net in its search for a replacement who could sing "You Will Never Walk Alone" with as much schmaltzy sincerity as Jerry Lewis.

Best of Best of
Take in the ambiance, Sally. Let it wash over you, the aromas of the bazaar, the musk of the locals...the entire drug mule experience is to be savored.

Best of Best of
What's the deal with airline food? Whose hostage does a guy have to kill around here for a halal meal? Amirite?

Best of Submariner
Since she is certain that she will be one, Fatima is very sad that V the K has not posted his Best Ofs for the week.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    When did Howie Mandel convert and start doing stand-up in Yemen?

Best of Submariner
    I know she's not as pretty as my goat, but she can be had for a LOT less!

Best of Dr. Doom
    "Congratulations Fatima you have won a brand new car," exclaimed the host!
    Saudi Arabian The Price is Right is cruel - just cruel...

Best of Rodney Dill
    How much for the little girls?

Best of mega
"The UN gave her to me as a present when I agreed to launch some rockets from their hospital. Awesome!"

Still on Vacation





Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Google retrofitted Willie Nelson's tour bus as their first driverless commuting vehicle. All went well until it got the munchies and wanted a drink.

Best of Submariner
    "Bush's fault."

Best of Dr. Doom
If the Carter Presidential Bus met the Obama Presidential Bus on the Worst President in History Memorial Highway.

Best of Steve O
    "Try not to scrape the bottom of the bus as you pull it out! I'm in enough trouble already.

Best of s
    All I know is, if Obama was driving, it's Bush's fault.

Best of Submariner
    Looks like some Dem politician made the mistake of loading the "Army of Mom" voice app to their Tom-Tom...

Best of jimmy
    Malaysian Bus Lines seems to be having an equally bizarre string of bad luck.
    Too soon?

Best of Best of
    Caution: Dip

Best of curly
    On Sunday, President Obama and First Lady Michelle released a statement thanking water drinking buses for their many “achievements and contributions… to building the very fabric of our nation and strengthening the core of our democracy.”

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Congrats, you passed!
    As a member in good standing with the powerful Bus Drivers Local #28, Barney didn't sweat the annual Skills Evaluation.

Best of Best of
    It's alrght. How many bus stories are out there ...that don't involve Shirley Jones jerking the wheel at last minute to spare the world from enduring a Partridge Family reunion.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Because I Am Vacating








Best of Best of
    See what happens when you stray from the group learning paradigm?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Okay, Mister Smith, I made a stupid mistake in the formula; but if that's your hand fondling my ass, you have made a much bigger one.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Sheila felt like such a nerd. The other girls in her clique could calculate the tip and how to split the tab 4 ways in their heads!

Best of chronos the wonder pig
"Lets see, to tip out the bouncer, the DJ, the bartender, and the manager I'll still need math...double damn"

Best of Best of
    Susie can no longer bear teachers' shoddy pretexts for their diatribes against fracking.

Best of Dr. Doom
    Let's see calculated Sheila...
    Baseline the tax rate...
    Add in inflation...
    Factor in tax load from eight years of DNC rule...
    Square that by the exponential increase of Obamacare...
    Less my earnings potential with a Womyn's Studies degree...
    ...and the answer is my grandchildren will still be paying for my student loans in 2084...

Best of Submariner
    Thawt bubble; "...carry the remainder, and, voila!
    Sh!t.
    Dub was right - I AM fat."

Best of Submariner
    Screw this;
    plug me back into the matrix.


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

This One Time, on the Metro...

Schneider



1. "So, is this the station where you get off?"

2. Sandra Fluke picks up another campaign "donation."

3. Calvin Klein Jeans ads are kind of starting to lose their edge.

4. And because of the prudery of some nosy Metro official, Leon later died of his snakebite.

5. Anthony Weiner still enjoys riding the subway.

Threadwinner: USMC2841
    Linus and Sally are now banned from all public transportation.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    Hillary does research for her "Hard Choices" movie, err I mean book.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    Boy, you guys are completely misreading the situation. They're merely playing an intense game of in-the-dark Battleship.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    Nice, making fun of an innocent reading of Longfellow under a blanket. Learn their story. Educate yourselves, morons.

Best of dadoctah
    Metrosexual: Ur doin it rong.

Best of Submariner
    I can't wait to see where Chris Angel is going with this one...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
At the coroner's inquest, a contrite young Ted Kennedy said the reason he sat on the prostitute's head through 11 station stops was he figured her squirming, kicking and muffled cries were signs of approval... after sheepishly admitting he didn't actually understand the term BJ. His record was expunged.

Best of Mr Hankey
    Looks like someone engaged the subway auto-pilot.

Best of Dactyl
    Conjoined twins need public transportation too, you haters!

Best of John Schneider
    Why, no, I don't work at Hobby Lobby. Why do you ask?

Best of Armando
    Ahh, the mobile Dutch oven!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Bloomers! Bloopers! Blessers! Bosoms!


1. Michael Bloomberg squirmed uncomfortably in his booster chair. "Come on. Surely one of you is willing to pull my finger."

2. "And the peasants should be forbidden from consuming any of this. Now, who's in for my cocaine party."

3. "She's the one who was in charge of refreshments. Kill her!"

4. Obamacare was finally made profitable after the Death Panel's began accepting product placement.

5. "Nothing I like better in the morning than a 20 oz bottle of soda and an old whore."

Best of Best of
    I love when the freak show comes to town. Look--a midget and an albino!

Best of Best of
    This isn't a photo-op, just preparation for a quick visit by Gov. Christie.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "Well, how do you get ready for water sports?"

Best of Submariner
For MY cleansing suppositories, I prefer a three liter bottle of Pepsi immediatley after inserting a roll of Mentos...

Best of Double the U
    And the winner is Pepsi, Pepsi won the official soft drink of the new communist party contract.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "So there I was," Hiz Highnezz said. "I had all of these shoved up Sullivan's ass, and he turned and smiled at me. Then he told me that this was all just a warm-up, and that as soon as I finished putting the last piece in there, then I was going to join them! Well, I got out of there, pretty damn quick, let me tell you that!"

Best of GregMan
    "Kids, see what can happen to you when you drink too much Pepsi? I mean, just look at her!"

Best of USMC2841
    "And then I convinced them this is the biggest threat to New York. Damn I'm good."

Best of Submariner
    Bloomie: "Just a few of the things I find more dangerous than an SA-11 missile system with a Russian crew..."

 

Monday, July 21, 2014

The Full Newsom


1. Reason #1 why Putin knows he can shoot down airplanes with no repercussions.

2. Brain freeze; explaining a helluva lot since 2009.

3. And suddenly the host remembered where had seen that face before: Man's Country, August 2005.

4. Obama pauses from watching the footage of the carnage in Ukraine to remark to the rest of The Situation Room, "Is it just me, or does this ice cream seem just slightly underchurned?"

5. ValJar sighed, "No, you drooling idiot, I said we should send an ICE Team to the border."

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    "Mmmmmmm....Wang flavored!"

Best of Submariner
    "Hey! This tastes more like Great Dane poop than Korean Chow..."

Best of Kaptain Krude
Andrew Sullivan grinned with undisguised delight. "Now THIS is my kind of Google image search," he shivered to himself.

Best of Rodney Dill
    Never eat anything bigger than your head - FAIL

Best of Best of
    Head honky flaunts his insensitivity to the plight of the black diabetic community.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "Um, uh, nom, um uh nom, um uh nom."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Who does a guy have to bow to in order to get some drizzles around here? Drizzles, that's a funny word. Drizzles drizzles drizzles. I wonder if I drizzle when I golf? Speaking of golf, when can I get out of this peasant hell-hole and get back to a course? I'm jonesin' for a shot. Speaking of shots, I wonder what Reggie is doing?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    We've replaced Obamalama's usual podium rat with a Walmart Never Melt™ artificial ice cream in a particleboard cone. Let's see if he can tell the difference.

Best of Whacko
    Barry waits for the teleprompter to read, "chomp now!"

Best of Submariner
Data entered the frozen holodeck program and wondered "What sick and twisted thing were you researching this time, Commander Ryker?"

Friday, July 18, 2014

The Soultaker



1. "What did you just say young lady? My mother does what?"

2. "Goodnight Moon has nothing on this shit, I tell you what."

3. "Redrum, Redrum, Redrum..." "Oh, you kids and your made-up words."

4. Planned Parenthood wishes to remind you: This is pretty much all children. Make your appointment today. (Ask about our Margaret Sanger Special for minorities and other undesirables)

5. This rare photograph of the young Nancy Grace explains a great deal.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Make of this what you will.



Best of Best of 
    Yep, Sesame Street has progressed to its logical end stage.

Best of  chronos the wonder pig
    wait...something wrong here...Bizarro-Obama is just like real Obama!!

Best of  Double the U
I see an angry half black, half white pussy eating a dog while being held up by a wave of blue.
I can't see how that relates to anything.

Best of  Dr. Doom
"This meeting of the DNC will come to order," intoned the Chairman, er... chairperson, um... Chairthing.

Best of  dadoctah
    "Nobody puts Baby in a corner! Or feeds Baby after midnight, or gets Baby wet...."

Best of  jimmy
The Joy Behar replacement on The View seems to be a great improvement, appearance-wise, and it goes without saying he'll offer more lucid commentary.

Best of  Markus ARyanas
    "I'm at my angriest when i fart wings!!!"

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
Backstage Tonight Show staffers didn't realize until it was too late - Leno wasn't just pretending to strangle the 5-second censor right before stepping through the curtains to give his farewell monologue.

SCOAMF Hanging Out with Peasants


1. "You see, what makes me a great president is how easily  segue from lavish dinners with Italian cognescenti to eating in dumps like this with stupid white crackers like you."

2. "It's nice to, um, get out of the, um, (mutter)White House and meet with the people I'm replacing with cheap, illiterate illegal immigrants."

3. The bartender couldn't stop staring at the three sixes birthmark at the back of the SCOAMF's head.

4. "Republicans refuse to implement my policy demands, so, I'm going to have their faces eaten by rats."

5. "So... I couldn't help notice that when you said grace, you thanked God for your meal and not me."

Best of  Double the U
    Three pizzas for six people? Don't let Michelle see that.

Best of  Submariner
    They don't have wang or dog on the menu?!?!
    Let's continue this conversation at another dive...

Best of  Whacko
 Mr. President, would you mind harassing some other table? We have friends that might come in and see us.

Best of  Whacko
    Mr. President, what does SCOAMF stand for?

Best of  chronos the wonder pig
 "...and so, as an example of what's in store for all legal-Americans, I am taking your pizza to feed that busload of illegal-Americans...."

Best of  Dr. Doom
"Well folks I guess you could say my administration is like a $hit pizza at a Chinese restaurant," explained the President, "You order $hit pizza you eat $hit pizza..."

Best of  dadoctah
Even after being elected, twice, to the highest office in the land, Barry still remembers what it was like not to be allowed to eat lunch at the cool-kids table.

Best of  curly
    "Do you guys, have any, um, weed?"

Best of  Dr. Doom
"So your healthcare policy was cancelled, and you lost your job, and you are worried about your son in Afghanistan, and your energy bills have gone through the roof..." recited the President, "Can't you people whine about anything on the agenda? This is a Climate Change Photo Op people - my vacation was supposed to start 15 minutes ago. Chop chop - lets go..."

Best of  Mr Hankey
"And to conclude this death panel meeting, I think that those of you eating the Meat Lovers Pizza will not receive treatment, while the Veggie eaters get whatever they need...except for lard-ass sitting at the end of course."

Best of  chronos the wonder pig
"...and M'Chel wants to give each of you a talking shopping cart! It will keep you company when my policies make you homeless."

Best of  Steve O
Before we begin, I would like to take a moment to recognize that a plane has crashed and to say that it might be tragedy. We don't know. We're trying to determine if anyone important was on board. That's our first priority. Our second priority to say, Susan that is a really nice blouse!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Answering the Question: "Who could be a worse SecState than Cankles?"


1. "Do you mind? I am trying to drink my urine."

2. "You call that a whoopie cushion? Bitch, please. You should hear Tuhrayzuh's gas after a been burrito."

3. "Wait... Hard Choices is also a porno movie? Well, gawdam why are wasting time talking about this Middle East mumbo jump. Cue it up, boy."

4. "He just said 'Let me be clear.' Drink!"

5. "Ah, Mr. Bond, so we meet at last."

Best of  Submariner
    I don't always drink urine.
    But when I do, it's Das Bama's.

    Stay brown-nosed, my friends.

Best of Best of 
    Remember that '80s TV series clone, Jeers, where everyone haughtily demands, "Don't you know my name?!"

Best of Best of 
Don't begrudge him his leisure, this head he-bitch/man-whore in Obama's Wannabe European Gigolo Stable

Best of  Dr. Doom
"So then I told Netenwhazis and that Hamass guy I would broker a peace deal for them Obama Administration Style and invited them to a Pulled Pork Summit at Joe Bob's Swine Shack out on Route 162", related the Secretary of State, "Neither of the ba$tards showed up though. I'm starting to think those guys really don't like each other..."

Best of  Markus ARyanas
    "You put ONE leg in first?"

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
Hell, yes it's a hard job, honey. When Putin offered me a high class call girl with a third nipple, I couldn't just turn him down despite the possibility you're a spy. It wouldn't have been polite. So, here you and I are together and you're undressing and... OMFG!!!

Best of  Mr Hankey
    ....why didn't I marry into the Budweiser family instead?

Best of  Dr. Doom
"So I have brokered a deal where we no longer fly aircraft through Ukrainian air space and Russian guerrillas will stop shooting them down," reported the Secretary of State, "Now that is what I call proactive diplomacy. Champale for everyone!"

The Twink Is Loose

No further comment.


Monday, July 14, 2014

Please, Let Those Pants Be Reinforced With Titanium


1. "When we left the White House, we were too poor to support Chelsea's latex fetish."

2. "Could someone remove the corpse of Steve Guttenberg from under this podium?" 

3. "In answer to your question, no, I do not force my daughter to indulge my 'Catwoman' fetish." 

4. "No, Chelsea's hips aren't that broad, the pants are inflated from holding in her queefs." 

5. "I first became aware of the issue of wildlife conservation when I came home to see Bill stuffing a beaver..." 

Best of  Best of 
Chelsea, deeply concerned about seal clubbing, expresses her displeasure about the house music she encounters there.

Best of  Mr Hankey
I promise you that only Republican seals were clubbed to death to make Chelsea's outfit.

Best of  Mr Hankey
    Now I have a half-black daughter too, so you have to vote Hillary'16

Best of  Best of 
This Spider Man 3 reboot looks scarier than the original, just based on Venom's hideous visage in this version alone.

Best of  Whacko
"I've heard a few complaints about our speaking fees. You should know that you are getting both me and Chelsey (who does't care about money) for the combined rate of only $300,000. Now that's conservation!"

Best of  chronos the wonder pig
    ..and I'll keep campaigning as along as Huma is under the podium!!!

Best of  jimmy
Hillary: "Hello, and welcome to The Genetics Research Institute Annual Convention. We're here to lend our support to this year's symposium, 'The Genetic Components of Chronically Bad Fashion Choices'.

    "But first, please please please buy a copy of my book! Or two, or even a box of them! I'm offering a discount for boxes of twelve!"

Best of  curly
    "...and Chelsea's pants are made from recycled condoms!"

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
Safe to say, whoever claimed "Black is Slimming" probably wasn't counting on a stark white background, huh?

Best of  The Expendable
    True, she's got Webb Hubbell's nose, but she's got Barney Frank's pants.

Best of  dadoctah
    Naomi and Wynonna Judd have really let themselves go.

Best of  Submariner
    Hello, peasants...

 

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Republicans Will Destroy America


1. How cute, a voter who thinks Republicans are actually capable of accomplishing something.
2. I see someone is wearing her MSNBC company picnic T-shirt.
3. Thoughtbubble: "Dammit, why is milk getting so effing expensive. Effing Republicans. Why is there one wheel on my cart that keeps spinning the wrong way. Effing Republicans. Why am I still manless at 40. Effing Republicans."
4. And if Republicans don't, that ass will.

Best of champaignken
Hillary shopping for milk at the Little Rock Wal-Mart. Her intern must be "tied up" at the moment.

Best of Mr Hankey
...and the front side says "Where's my handout?"

Best of dadoctah
Originally meant to boast "Republican Guard Will Destroy America", but Persian Gulf Eyes 'n Tees was charging by the letter, and Saddam was kinda strapped for cash at the time. Now a treasured war souvenir.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Well, they better hurry then. Obama is on a superior trajectory.

Best of The Expendable
The front says: "My parents went to San Francisco and all I got was this stupid t-shirt"

Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Images That Will Be Seared Into Your Brain Until You DIE!


1. Tucker Carlson looks really different without his bow tie.

2. Backstage at the GOP convention, the mainstays of the establishment celebrate Thad Cochran's victory.

3. "No, grandma, it's *my* turn with the inflatable Sandra Fluke doll. You just play with your Satan handpuppet."

4. Awkward Family Photos: Grand Prize All-Time Champion.

5. Tonight on MSDNC, Tucker Carlson chats with Andrea Mitchell (right) and an average local TV news anchor (left).

Best of Mr Hankey
The Last Days of Margaret Thatcher

Best of Best of
Retirement has afforded Trent Lott more time for his hobbies

Best of Submariner
"What do you mean the Supreme Court ruled against us?!?"
MSNBC offfers a rare, inside look at an HHS strategy session regarding ACA implementation.

Best of Best of
Pulp Infarction, Tarantino's prequel about the Gimp's formative years never expanded beyond its limited release in NYC and LA theaters. No one involved in its production could quess why.

Best of Submariner
'Ow Ta Speak Lib'ral: Menage a Trois


Best of metalgarth
Did anybody really want an edgier, grittier reboot of the Golden Girls?

Threadwinner
GOP 2016: Hot in Cleveland

Best of Dr. Doom
Drudge Breaking - The mayor of Berkeley, California was ousted today amid a scandal associated gender bias. It seems his perversion play is not sufficiently inclusive...

Best of Dr. Doom
"Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play?" intoned the hostess...
If Romper Room were funded by the NEA...

Best of Submariner
Glad you're here, dub. Now we can finally get this "Mazola Party" started!

Best of kg
Pajama Boy... the later years.

Best of Mr Hankey
MSNBC's "When adult children return to the nest" missed a few key situations to avoid.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The Republican's secret Wetwain You Stwaight brainwashing camp says Senator Larry Craig is almost "rehabilitated" - except he still calls the blowup doll Steve.

Monday, July 07, 2014

Derp


1. We've replaced Cankles Benghazi Clinton with one of Bill's inflatable sex dolls. Let's see if anyone notices.

2. Cankles was stunned for a moment, then she calmly handed the flasher some Mardi Gras beads and her hotel room number.

3. Psssst... Chelsea, you've got visible panty lines. 

4. Hillary is shocked that someone is actually buying her book.

5. The face Hillary makes when preparing to suck the Lifeforce from one of her victims is... surprisingly on-the-nose.

Best of Russ in Oregon
Separated at birth.

Best of Mr Hankey
The snake extends its hood and prepares to spit as the snake charmer plays her pungi flute to the tune of Fletwood Mac's "Don't Stop".

Best of David
"Panties? PANTIES?! You're not allowed to wear panties unless I say you can! AND I DIDN'T SAY YOU CAN!!"

Best of Submariner
    Bawney Fwank! Take off my pantsuit!

Best of Best of
    brain now good; me president you make for fellow vagina.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
    it's just Monica giving Hillary lessons......

Best of jimmy
Hillary's reaction as Mrs. Ambassador Stevens shows up to get her copy of the book autographed. Mrs. Stevens intends to put the book in her collection next to the knitting needles of Madame DuFarge.

Best of Submariner
   Barry's gay and m'Chel's a tranny?
    You mean I was right?!?

Best of GregMan
    "So if I did more of this, Bill wouldn't have cheated on me so much?"

Best of Mr Hankey
    Yes...my panties are in a wad.

Best of Steve O
    "Make 'this' face... okay, NOW I recognize you!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Everyone agreed that her loud belch was the most cogent thing that pie hole has ever uttered.

Best of metalgarth
    When her the good Hillary from alternate universe X2367B came to confront her, bad Hillary's classic response of unhinging her lower jaw and swallowing her whole was completely uneffective.

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

One of Those Days


1. "Good Morning, Miss Lohan. Here for your enema?"

2. Good morning, Obama Presidency Metaphor #2468.

3. And another Russian commuter begins her workday.

4. "Dammit, this would happen on the day I was supposed to back up Mrs. Lerner's emails. I guess I'll just call in."

5. "So, did America win the big kickball tournament?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    The Facebook photo all parents of kids in college dread seeing... especially if it's their son.

Best of dadoctah
    Smart Car. Ur doin it rong.
Best of racerboy
    ORA: "Sweetie Dahling!!!"

Best of jimmy
It's taking a LOT for Jay Carney to work the past few years out of his system, but God bless him for trying.

Best of Dr. Doom
    On the Cornell campus this is known as 'Fluking'...

Best of champaignken
    The reason Hillary wears pant suits and not skirts.

Best of metalgarth
    I'm hoping this is the last ever Grand Theft Auto game...

Best of dadoctah
    Some things OnStar just isn't ready to deal with.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "Dammit, Bumblebee," Optimus Prime thundered. "Now how are we to find out what the humans are doing? Get this Lohan person cleaned up before the humans start getting suspicious."

Best of Mr Hankey
    Herbie Goes To Tijuana