Friday, January 16, 2015

Have You Ever Been This Drunk?


1. "And I only pay $6000 a month for it!" Branden bragged constantly about his New York City apartment.

2. The Safe School Czar always keeps a "cold one" stashed around his office.

3. The last thing Branden remembered was Harry Reid saying, "Drink this, it will help you relax."

4. A wise sleeping choice after a midnight run to Taco Bell.

5. Brenda had heard this was a very slow glory hole, so he brought a pillow.

Best of Best of
A goldfish's idea of human burial

Best of jimmy
After an especially ugly day in the press room, Josh Earnest retreats to his "alone time" in an effort to keep hold of the remains of the soul he sold to the devil.

Best of Submariner
'Ow to speak Bawney Fwank: "The pantwy is wunning wow again..."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Frat House Party = free
Booze = $400
Superglue = Priceless!

19 comments:

The Expendable said...

The Crown Prince abdicates his throne.

Anonymous said...

bieber

Anonymous said...

A goldfish's idea of human burial

Anonymous said...

Using fabric softener in a pinch for stool softener--one of the many tragic outcomes of not knowing one's asshole from his elbow.

Anonymous said...

To the relief of the continent, Canadian viral strain ends in some sweaty contortions on the toilet.

chronos z. wonderpig said...

V the K asked "Have you ever been this drunk?"
chronos z. wonderpig answers "Yes."

jimmy said...

After an especially ugly day in the press room, Josh Earnest retreats to his "alone time" in an effort to keep hold of the remains of the soul he sold to the devil.

Submariner said...

'Ow to speak Bawney Fwank: "The pantwy is wunning wow again..."

Submariner said...

Gonna need the BIG plunger to flush that thing in the morning...

Anonymous said...

Somebody told him bathrooms and kitchens are the key to flipping houses.

Anonymous said...

Drunks curl about crappers clockwise in Australia

Anonymous said...

Aww, somebody got all sleepy chasing scrubbing bubble hallucinations after watching The Langoliers.

Mac said...

"Have you ever been this drunk?"

Yes

Kaptain Krude said...

"No, this isn't it," Ken thought to himself. "How do those other guys do it? They make it look so easy!"

Dr. Doom said...

Under Obamacare not even hacking up a lung will get you an appointment...

The Expendable said...

Wait a minute... that bottle wasn't there five minutes ago...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Branded Product Placement
Owens Corning PINK FIBERGLAS® sponsored the remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers after stipulating that the pods resemble insulation rolls.

-OR-

Back when he was a little kid, Ralph discovered the weakness of monsters under his bed. They hated sewer odor.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Frat House Party = free
Booze = $400
Superglue = Priceless!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

new & improved

Frat House Party
Booze = $400
Disturbing the Peace fine = $1000
Superglue = Priceless!