Friday, March 06, 2015

A Traditional Betazoid Wedding



1. Also, on the wedding cake, no icing.

2. Notice how the guests are keeping their gazes at eye level, like in a Men's Restroom, which is where the bride and the groom met.

3. So, she is wearing white, so we know she's a virgin.

4. The invite specified "Black Tie," Guess where he's wearing it.

5. All morning, Bridezilla was like, "Does this veil make my ass look big?"

Best of Best of
These cheap bastards will do anything to avoid catering the reception--in fact appetites are ruined for anyone in attendance for the rest of the week.

Best of Double the U
Justice of the Peace: "And where are the rings?
Ohhh.
ewwwwww"

Best of of
Registered with Craigslist

Best of metalgarth
Why yes, there will be Gooey Butt Cake at the reception. Why do you ask?

Best of Kaptain Krude
Welp, there went the last lingering shreds of my heterosexuality. And any thoughts of being homosexual, as well.

Best of The Expendable
No shoes in a church? That's just tacky.

Best of Dr. Doom
Looks like Wal Mart has moved to grab market share in the wedding planning industry...

Best of Best of
Proud papa walks his little girl, Mackenzie Philips down the aisle

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
300-lb woman on stiletto heels?
Carpet will look like a lawn that's been core aerated.

Best of Submariner
2 buffalo enter; 1 buffalo leaves!
2 buffalo enter; 1 buffalo leaves!

22 comments:

curly said...

What color is my ass?

Anonymous said...

These cheap bastards will do anything to avoid catering the reception--in fact appetites are ruined for anyone in attendance for the rest of the week.

Anonymous said...

Former altar boy publicly affirms his participation in the pedo cycle by displaying to presiding priest his kiddie maze-puzzle tattoo

Double the U said...

Justice of the Peace: "And where are the rings?

Ohhh.


ewwwwww"

kg said...

Bride: Does this veil make my butt look fat?

Groom: No, your fat butt makes your butt look fat.

Anonymous said...

Hotel furniture for sale.
Manager assures all upholstery completely free of non-human fecal matter

Anonymous said...

No deposit returned? We left deposits everywhere!

Anonymous said...

Don't stick around to see the bridal train the groomsmen are to have a hand in creating

Anonymous said...

Registered with Craigslist

Anonymous said...

Answering the question nobody asked, what do they do with the horse-semen collection bags

metalgarth said...

Why yes, there will be Gooey Butt Cake at the reception. Why do you ask?

Kaptain Krude said...

Welp, there went the last lingering shreds of my heterosexuality. And any thoughts of being homosexual, as well.

Butt Cake Lunchbox said...

Everyone caught that bouquet!

The Expendable said...

No shoes in a church? That's just tacky.

Kaptain Krude said...

Well, thank God for that veil, otherwise you could see everything!

Dr. Doom said...

Looks like Wal Mart has moved to grab market share in the wedding planning industry...

Dr. Doom said...

Another successful wedding reception brought to you by Aspacher Catering...

Anonymous said...

Proud papa walks his little girl, Mackenzie Philips down the aisle

John Schneider said...

What I really want to know is who's gonna complain about her pointy elbows?

GregMan said...

The reception, unsurprisingly, was at Anal Kingdom.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

300-lb woman on stiletto heels?
Carpet will look like a lawn that's been core aerated.

-OR-

I haven't seen calves that fat since I visited a 4-H expo.

-OR-

Remind me again... some people criticize airbrushing and photoshopping why?

-OR-

A second on the lips, a lifetime on the hippo.

-OR-

My Big Fat Greek/Maori Wedding was not a good sequel.

-OR-

Maxwell Smart patented the Veil of Silence but it's hard to get a woman to wear it more than once.

Submariner said...

2 buffalo enter; 1 buffalo leaves!
2 buffalo enter; 1 buffalo leaves!