Monday, March 23, 2015

The iWon


1. "Now, watch what the other girl does with the cup..." 

2.  "And those are Katy Perry's titties." 

3. "Hack into a private email server? Piece of cake." 

4. "Now, just enter your credit card here, Mr. President, and Prince Nobongo will begin transferring his millions immediately." 

5. The president was puzzled. "I've never heard M'Chel refer to anyone as a 'chalk-faced whore.'"

23 comments:

Submariner said...

"...and...voila! The iBOW2U app is now on your desktop as well as in your heart, Mr. President."

Anonymous said...

To use it all it takes is a simple swipe.

So who's gonna stage a flimsy racial incident as pretext for the riot in order to swipe it?

Anonymous said...

This partnering confirms Chris's suspicions that everybody really does hate Chris

Anonymous said...

POTUS Whine-Fi connection unavailable

Anonymous said...

Twelve Years an Apple Slave

Dr. Doom said...

"Oh no sir, not even this state of the art Apple tablet can calculate a number as infinitesimal as your approval numbers," related Jimmy, "For that we would have to tie up all of the Cray Supercomputers being used by the NSA for days..."

Dr. Doom said...

Student: "As you can see a dozen Rhesus Monkeys selected a bracket that outperformed yours Mr. President"
President: "How do you know the monkeys aren't just lucky?"
Student: "Well sir that is the point of the experiment - we used you as a control group to test the monkeys."

The President learns that Sixth Grade Science Fair projects are brutal, just brutal...

Anonymous said...

That's right sir, the one in the Ipad1 means it is the best Ipad, and it is only $799.

Submariner said...

"Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

Ang Lee's remake of Diff'rent Strokes is about what you'd expect...

Submariner said...

So, uh, Jimmy; how'd you, um, like to, uh, like to go, uh, to, um, Man Country with me, uh, um after we, uh, finish this um, photo op?

Nose said...

See Mr. President, that's how I donated $5000 to your campaign with a stolen credit card.

USMC2841 said...

See this line at the bottom of the graph? That's your approval rating.

chronos z. wonderpig said...

".....and here is how I registered to vote!"

Anonymous said...

You ever seen a grown man naked below the waist, Billy?

Anonymous said...

Nevermind where my hands are going, Billy. These special moves to unlock hidden levels in Angry Birds will be our little secret. Did you know Michael Jackson taught me all about games?

Anonymous said...

I had a son like you once, but he told Michelle about our tickle fights, and she stowed sweet little Treytable away in a upright position with relatives soon after.

Anonymous said...

See how resolute I look, son? Don't you play hard to get because Secret Service can deliver you to me on a bun...with lots of butter glistening on that tender meat

Anonymous said...

Billy, have you ever supped on human flesh? When this country finally emulates the finest traditions of African governance, you'll no longer have to wonder about what people taste like.

Anonymous said...

I like you, Billy. You've got something I just can't put my finger on...well, not with all these cameras around anyways.

Anonymous said...

Billy, did you know I lost alot of good friends back in Nam?
Yeah. NAMBLA had to kick them out once they sprouted pubes.

Anonymous said...

Dammit, Billy, your lips may say, "no," but your telerumpter reads "RAM BIOS"

The Expendable said...

All the kids at Ferguson Middle School have new iPads... and new sneakers... and new hair care products... and new 20 inch wheels... and a new case of Hennessy...

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble; "Eating pussy? There are FAR tastier cuts to enjoy when you serve people..."