Sunday, June 21, 2015

Devil in a Blue Pantsuit



1. "Now, some of you may not be familiar with how this works. So, first, everyone puts their car keys into a big glass bowl..."

2. "And I would like to thank our hostess for being able to round up an actual black guy for the photo op..."

3. "Oh, come on, I can't believe that none of you know the words to 'I'm a little teapot.'"

4. "I should also thank the hostess for widening all the doorways to accommodate my hips."

5. "Ok, the toilet's available now. Huma  killed that rat."

`
6. "All right, let's break out the gimp and get this party started." 

7. "Hey... Macarena!" Hillary's attempt to revive memories of her husband's presidency grew ever more desperate. 

8. "Desperate screams for help? I don't hear any desperate screams for help. Bill's probably watching a 'Life time' movie. They're definitely not coming from the crawlspace so there's no reason to check there.'" 

9. "Well someone was supposed to draw a pentagram in blood on the floor..."

10.  "So, you San Francisco hipsters think it would be 'fabulous' to have a transgender president. Well, let me unzip my pants and show you something that will blow your minds!"  

Best of Best of
    "Oh for Christ sake lady, turn your smart phone sideways, if you are going to post a video of me on-line at least do it correctly!"

Best of Jack Reacher
    "...and when you use pre-planning, it's one less worry for your loved ones, after your passing."

Best of Jack Reacher
"It's about time South Carolina removed that racist symbol. Oh, uh, you, boy, get us some coffee."

Best of Jack Reacher
    "Two hands, and neither has a wine glass in it; what's wrong with this picture, people?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "We're called.... The Aristocrats!"

Best of Submariner
    ♪ I stick my clenis in! ♫
    ♫ I pull my clenis out! ♪
    ♪ I stick my clenis in! ♫
    ♫ Then I shake it all about! ♪♫

Best of Submariner
    "...so I ask Jeb if I can borrow his Beaners to serve at a party Bubba and I were throwing, and he gets all upset and bitchy. Turns out they were family members... Ha! I kill me."

Best of The Expendable
    ORA: "I want you to get this frick where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Bernie Sanders, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!"

 

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now, if each of you would just vote 10 million times
we'll have this thing wrapped up in a synch........
Hell, it worked for Obama!

Anonymous said...

"Oh for Christ sake lady, turn your smart phone sideways, if you are going to post a video of me on-line at least do it correctly!"

chronos z. wonderpig said...

OK everybody, watch them wiggle.................

Anonymous said...

This black squid to my left dropped an ink spot on the carpet, which is why I shave

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA: "Sock it to me?"

Jack Reacher said...

"There I was, dodging antiaircraft fire with Brian Williams next to me..."

Dr. Doom said...

"OK now pay attention - this is the last time I will show you," complained Mrs. Clinton. Hillary demonstrates the Clinton Two Step for her adoring press corps...

Jack Reacher said...

"...and when you use pre-planning, it's one less worry for your loved ones, after your passing."

Jack Reacher said...

"It's about time South Carolina removed that racist symbol. Oh, uh, you, boy, get us some coffee."

Jack Reacher said...

Fat, old and corrupt is no way to go through life, Ma'am.

Jack Reacher said...

"I vow to be a much-needed voice for old, rich white people."

Jack Reacher said...

"Two hands, and neither has a wine glass in it; what's wrong with this picture, people?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"We're called.... The Aristocrats!"

Submariner said...

♪ I stick my clenis in! ♫
♫ I pull my clenis out! ♪
♪ I stick my clenis in! ♫
♫ Then I shake it all about! ♪♫

Submariner said...

"... and then Stevens sends me an email asking for DOUBLE the security! Can you believe it? Oh, c'mon - it's not like any of you give a rat's asterick about the country either..."

Submariner said...

"...so I ask Jeb if I can borrow his Beaners to serve at a party Bubba and I were throwing, and he gets all upset and bitchy. Turns out they were family members... Ha! I kill me."

chronos z. wonderpig said...

"...and after the doctor put up the pirate flag, Chelsea just popped out!"

The Expendable said...

ORA: "I want you to get this frick where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Bernie Sanders, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Can't top any of these caps. A list of pure awesome.

The Expendable said...

To raise money for the Clinton Foundation (to help the children), Hillary makes a speech to the San Francisco Cigar Aficianados Club...

"At 470 bucks each, you better believe I keep my Cohiba Behikes in a Humidor! Well, technically it's a small humidor, more of a box. I call it my 'Huma Box'. I got the idea from Bill."