Sunday, November 15, 2015

Putin and the Putz


1. Putin: "So tell me, Mr. Obama. How is it that you have been bombing ISIS for over a year, and yet the French just now are bombing their headquarters?"

2. Putin: "No, Mr. Obama, you may not bum a Menthol Kool off me."

3. "No, Mr. Obama, I will not attempt to cuckold you with your wife; I prefer women."

4. "By the way, if your vice president gropes my wife in the shoulders again, I will rip off his arm and shove it up his ass."

5. "You know, Mr. Obama, this is usually the point at which I say, 'but first, you will blow me,' but after what I saw in the KGB files about your history at, how do you say, 'Man's Country,' I do not want any part of me in any part of you."


Best of John Schneider
ORA:
Obama: Rolled a 20, that's a critical hit!
Putin: Gotta roll again to confirm.
Obama: OK here goes....dammit, a one! Sunovabitch!
Putin: Maybe next time you'd like to play Catan?


Best of chronos Z. wonderpig
No Barry, I do not have any three's. Go Fish!

 
Best of GregMan
"So these two pantsuit-wearing bulldykes walk into a television studio..."
 

Best of Sort-of-Mad Max
"No, that's the deal; you sing one chorus 'Camptown Ladies' up on stage there, in front of press, with cakewalk; I stop bombing your Syrians for one week. Final offer. Take it or leave it! And I want plenty 'doo-dahs'out of you, Buckwheat!" 

Best of I am a robot
Okay, let's see if we have this all worked out, for the first twenty minutes you will give the gimp over here a shirtless back rub while I watch and watch porn. Then he will turn around and... are you writing all this down Huma?
 
Best of Rodney Dill
"No I'm sure it has to be Tuesday for a Royal Fizzbin."

Best of jimmy
Putin: "What is this? NO, for the last time I'm NOT going to do cocaine with you! The last time you talked me into doing lines, we ended up in a 'four-gy' with Merkel and Khadaffi."
 
Best of Dr. Doom
Mr. Obama: "Is it Col. Mustard in the library with the lead pipe?"
Mr. Putin: "Nyet"
 
Best of Rodney Dill
"You'd do it for Randolph Scott."

Best of Mr Hankey
....but you were very clear Mr Obama that you would have more power after the election. So where is my NFL franchise?

22 comments:

John Schneider said...

ORA:

Obama: Rolled a 20, that's a critical hit!
Putin: Gotta roll again to confirm.
Obama: OK here goes....dammit, a one! Sunovabitch!

Putin: Maybe next time you'd like to play Catan?

chronos Z. wonderpig said...

No Barry, I do not have any three's. Go Fish!

dadoctah said...

"You don't seem to understand, Mr Obama. I already *am* a Socialist."

GregMan said...

"Agent Obama, the plot to destroy Amerikkka is succeeding splendidly, thanks to your help."

GregMan said...

"So these two pantsuit-wearing bulldykes walk into a television studio..."

GregMan said...

"No Mr. Obama, I will not P♥rk you, and I do not love you!"

Sort-of-Mad Max said...

"I tell you distinctly, no cream, one sugar! Barry, Clinton was wrong; you are too inept to even bring Big HornDog coffee, let alone Putin The Terrible!"

"Also, I park next to you and put humongous door ding in your limo. Ahhahhahhahhah!"

Sort-of-Mad Max said...

"No, that's the deal; you sing one chorus 'Camptown Ladies' up on stage there, in front of press, with cakewalk; I stop bombing your Syrians for one week. Final offer. Take it or leave it! And I want plenty 'doo-dahs'out of you, Buckwheat!"

I am a robot said...

Okay, let's see if we have this all worked out, for the first twenty minutes you will give the gimp over here a shirtless back rub while I watch and watch porn. Then he will turn around and... are you writing all this down Huma?

Rodney Dill said...

"Go Fish!"

Rodney Dill said...

Sorry Chronos I missed yours.

Rodney Dill said...

"No I'm sure it has to be Tuesday for a Royal Fizzbin."

Rodney Dill said...

"YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!"

jimmy said...

Putin: "What is this? NO, for the last time I'm NOT going to do cocaine with you! The last time you talked me into doing lines, we ended up in a 'four-gy' with Merkel and Khadaffi."

Dr. Doom said...

Mr. Obama: "Is it Col. Mustard in the library with the lead pipe?"
Mr. Putin: "Nyet"

A clue, the President still doesn't have one...

curly said...

"I'm sorry President Obama, but you can't [EXPLETIVE DELETED] my [EXPLETIVE DELETED]."

Rodney Dill said...

Obama: "...and next time I expect a Harumph! from you."

Rodney Dill said...

"You'd do it for Randolph Scott."

Markus ARyanas said...

Putin: NO! You took your hand off, your turn ova.
Obama: If I want to redo my turn, then I'll redo my turn! I'm the leader of the free world God damn it!!!

I am not a robot said...

Obama: "So Vladimir, tell me more about your wrestling days and how you had to wrestle other men to the ground by putting your body weight on them."

Putin: "It was judo you dumb American, and I kicked идиот like you in the face.

Mr Hankey said...

....but you were very clear Mr Obama that you would have more power after the election. So where is my NFL franchise?

Submariner said...

"Putin on the Ritz." Da, very funny. I vill show you vhat's funny, pipsqueak..."