1. Putin: "So tell me, Mr. Obama. How is it that you have been bombing ISIS for over a year, and yet the French just now are bombing their headquarters?"
2. Putin: "No, Mr. Obama, you may not bum a Menthol Kool off me."
3. "No, Mr. Obama, I will not attempt to cuckold you with your wife; I prefer women."
4. "By the way, if your vice president gropes my wife in the shoulders again, I will rip off his arm and shove it up his ass."
5. "You know, Mr. Obama, this is usually the point at which I say, 'but first, you will blow me,' but after what I saw in the KGB files about your history at, how do you say, 'Man's Country,' I do not want any part of me in any part of you."
Best of John SchneiderORA:
Obama: Rolled a 20, that's a critical hit!
Putin: Gotta roll again to confirm.
Obama: OK here goes....dammit, a one! Sunovabitch!
Putin: Maybe next time you'd like to play Catan?
Best of chronos Z. wonderpigNo Barry, I do not have any three's. Go Fish!
Best of GregMan"So these two pantsuit-wearing bulldykes walk into a television studio..."
Best of Sort-of-Mad Max"No, that's the deal; you sing one chorus 'Camptown Ladies' up on stage there, in front of press, with cakewalk; I stop bombing your Syrians for one week. Final offer. Take it or leave it! And I want plenty 'doo-dahs'out of you, Buckwheat!"
Best of I am a robotOkay, let's see if we have this all worked out, for the first twenty minutes you will give the gimp over here a shirtless back rub while I watch and watch porn. Then he will turn around and... are you writing all this down Huma?
Best of Rodney Dill
"No I'm sure it has to be Tuesday for a Royal Fizzbin."
Best of jimmyPutin: "What is this? NO, for the last time I'm NOT going to do cocaine with you! The last time you talked me into doing lines, we ended up in a 'four-gy' with Merkel and Khadaffi."
Best of Dr. Doom
Mr. Obama: "Is it Col. Mustard in the library with the lead pipe?"
Mr. Putin: "Nyet"
"You'd do it for Randolph Scott."
Best of Mr Hankey
....but you were very clear Mr Obama that you would have more power after the election. So where is my NFL franchise?