Tuesday, December 22, 2015
A Moment with Santa
1. "No, shit, Santa. You were in 'Nam, too?"
2. Say what you will about the man, but the two-man sh-tters in Trump's casinos are plush.
3. Santa: "Dude, for the last time, the list of naughty girls is not for sale."
4. "I couldn't help but notice the smell of alcohol on your breath and the look of abject failure in your eyes. Is that you, Jeb?"
5. "I've been very good this year and I demand that Hillary suffer a crippling aneurysm."
"So we was a settin' around drinkin some beers and we seen this strange red glow a comin over the ridge, and that's when I shot Rudolph, Santa. Then we field dressed him an brung him home so the ol' lady could grind him into deer sausage." explained Darryl plantively, "Now about that 9 power scope Santa, I want the one with the contrasting reticle..."
"I've got just one wish for Christmas this year. I want one single Presidential candidate that's not full-on batshit crazy."
"Sorry. Can't help you. Would you settle for a Chipotle gift card?"
Whatcha mean datin' mah sister done put us on the "naughty list?"