1. "Officer, is it really a misdemeanor to follow around fat people playing the 'Elephant Song?'"
2. The vigilante known as The Tuba Man is finally taken into custody.
3. ORA: And another 'Billy and the Boingers' tribute bad meets a sad end.
4. Every metalhead mourns Lemmy in his own way.
5. "Freebird? WTF is 'Freebird?'"