Wednesday, March 25, 2015

When a House and a Bus Love Each Other Very Much


1. "Is this your stop?"

2. Never hire Kelsey Grammar as your bus driver.

3. "And then the driver started screaming 'Allahu Akbar!' and that's all I remember."

4. "After the 500th chorus of 'Wheels on the Bus,' she apparently just snapped.

5. "It just lost traction from all those people Obama has thrown under it."

Threadwinner Kaptain Krude
    Boy, Harrison Ford is really having a bad month, isn't he?

Best of jimmy
    Home schooling--UR doin' it wrong!

Best of Best of
Knowing that threats of "don't make me come back there" are ineffective, the efficient bus driver brings them to her

Best of of
 Recruiters dream of a kid who displays the aptitude to avoid school by removing the bus's wheel well and impeding the air brakes of one side in Bender's Game

Best of Double the U
    The red flashing lights are not on so I am pretty sure the house is not at fault.

Best of Dr. Doom
    Drivers Ed under the new Common Core guidelines leaves a lot to be desired...

Best of jimmy
PTA protest groups around the country picketed theaters as Sandra Bullock single-handedly killed her career this week with the release of "Speed 4: Back to School".

Best of Submariner
    Blue Collar Pittsburgh version of the Space Shuttle love triangle! Film at 11...

Best of Steve O
    Never enter "Obama's Iran Policy" into your GPS.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Mile High Club


1. "It's over Reggie. Not that you weren't great, but I need someone more submissive. Now help me get Boehner into the gimp suit."

2. "M'Chel is in the back twerking with Ellen. Shall I get you a barf bag?"

3. "So, I am guessing I shouldn't ask any questions about the naked black boy with the iPad crying and rubbing his ass?"

Best of Best of
After taking a hit off some of that Blue Ice, man, I'm tripping balls. My pupils are dilated more than a young boy's keister at Hawaiian juvie.

Best of The Expendable
"I... umm... distinctly remember... umm... leaving my wallet in my... umm... jacket pocket, and now it's... umm... gone. You're the only other... umm... black man on Air Force One, Reggie, so I'm... umm... I'm going to have to ask you to... umm... to empty your pockets."

Best of chronos z. wonderpig
    "Wait a minute Reggie...when the flight started wasn't I wearing the blue shirt?"

Best of Dr. Doom
    Where are all the German pilots when you really need them?

Best of Submariner
    "Trust me, sir. That REALLY IS the East Wing Door."
    And just that fast, America's problem was solved

Monday, March 23, 2015

The iWon


1. "Now, watch what the other girl does with the cup..." 

2.  "And those are Katy Perry's titties." 

3. "Hack into a private email server? Piece of cake." 

4. "Now, just enter your credit card here, Mr. President, and Prince Nobongo will begin transferring his millions immediately." 

5. The president was puzzled. "I've never heard M'Chel refer to anyone as a 'chalk-faced whore.'"

Portrait of the Candidate as a Young Man

Cool Fact about Ted Cruz: A young Ted Cruz once beat up Herb Tarlek and stole his jacket.


Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Meanwhile in the Iowa House of Representatives


1. Republican lawmakers prepare to be screwed over by McConnell-Boehner again.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Nightmare Fuel


Best of The Expendable
When she offered to give me head, this is not what I had in mind...

Best of Best of
Just when you thought the Burger King couldn't get more rapey, he pushes the envelope

Best of Dr. Doom
It is heartbreaking when former Presidents become sad caricatures - even more so when they are still in office...

Best of Dr. Doom
Looks like Sex Bacon has rolled out their new mascot...

Monday, March 16, 2015

For the Goats

I'm in Canada, so posting will be sporadic and Canadian.


Friday, March 13, 2015

'Ow to Speak Australian: Security Blanket

The Feral Irishman.



Best of Best of
The remake of Dances with Wolves took a really weird turn. Thankfully.

Best of Submariner
I'm pretty sure there are two "dream catchers" in this picture...

Best of Nose
I've never seen a wolf howl at the sideboob.

Best of The Expendable
Iron my wigwam!

Best of Best of
Jewel covers Ozzy's Bark at the Moon

Best of Submariner
Looks like Akela gave up being a lone wolf...

Best of Kaptain Krude
ORA: "Is it twoo what they say about white wolves? ...

It's twoo, it's twoo!"

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The Horse in the Hole

Best of Sarthurk
John Kerry has stooped to a new low in his career.

Best of Best of
No child's gonna see horse cock on this field trip after the school board discovered that documentary about that guy who died.

Best of kg
That reminds me... I haven't heard anything about Sarah Jessica Parker lately.

Best of Best of
The old west pioneered many things, equine glory holes being one

Best of Submariner
Looks like Sarah Jessica Parker is slated to star in C.H.U.D. III

Best of Best of
Perverted horses must go the distance in the age of sidesaddles and riding skirts

Best of Waldo
"MARCO!"

Best of jimmy
Is it 2017 yet?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Eh, what's up, doc?
Scooter thought he'd nailed the role of Bugs Bunny, but he never got a call back for a second reading.

Best of chronos z. wonderpig
"Pssst, kids! You can hide from M'Chel's eating shovel down here!"

Best of Dr. Doom
"Well that's the last time I'll ever ask Mrs. Clinton about her e-mails," thought Mr. Ed ruefully...

Best of Submariner
Would one of you come get Danny Radcliffe and take him home? He needs a Snickers bar of r\something...

Best of Russ in Oregon
"Enumclaw. The Underground Tour".



Monday, March 09, 2015

Hisssssssssssss!


1. "'When Rabid Elderly Rottweilers Attack,' next on Fox."

2. The Arkansas Broadhipped Dingbat can turn fierce when cornered.

3. "Keep throwing the Holy Water. 'The Power of Christ compels you! The Power of Christ compels you!'"

4. "... and your little dog, too!"

5. It wasn't just Sigourney Weaver who was famous for shouting "Get away from her, you bitch!" It also happened anytime Donnal Shalala or Janet Reno got too close to one of the interns.

Best of Nose
Her own thumb was the last thing Mary saw before the (frickin') laser beams shot out of the Hilmonster's eyes and turned her into a pile of ash.

Best of chronos z. wonderpig
"I don't even know what email is!!!"

Best of Best of
She's either coo-coo for cocoa puffs or
gaga over those ta-ta's of Lady Gaga

Best of Submariner
Is it just me or does this perfectly match what you'd imagine James Carville would look like with hair?

Best of Dr. Doom
"NO NO NO - and for the last time, that server is deader than Vince Foster," screamed Mrs. Clinton, "Now take a hint O'Reilly..."

Best of metalgarth
Who leaked the new Iron Maiden album cover?

Best of Tim
Cthulthu awakens

Best of GregMan
"KHAAAN!!!

Best of Whacko
"I'm not afraid of you, Mr. Gowdy, I have pieces of guys like you in my stools!"

Best of Best of
"Damn! No venom sacs!"


Friday, March 06, 2015

A Traditional Betazoid Wedding



1. Also, on the wedding cake, no icing.

2. Notice how the guests are keeping their gazes at eye level, like in a Men's Restroom, which is where the bride and the groom met.

3. So, she is wearing white, so we know she's a virgin.

4. The invite specified "Black Tie," Guess where he's wearing it.

5. All morning, Bridezilla was like, "Does this veil make my ass look big?"

Best of Best of
These cheap bastards will do anything to avoid catering the reception--in fact appetites are ruined for anyone in attendance for the rest of the week.

Best of Double the U
Justice of the Peace: "And where are the rings?
Ohhh.
ewwwwww"

Best of of
Registered with Craigslist

Best of metalgarth
Why yes, there will be Gooey Butt Cake at the reception. Why do you ask?

Best of Kaptain Krude
Welp, there went the last lingering shreds of my heterosexuality. And any thoughts of being homosexual, as well.

Best of The Expendable
No shoes in a church? That's just tacky.

Best of Dr. Doom
Looks like Wal Mart has moved to grab market share in the wedding planning industry...

Best of Best of
Proud papa walks his little girl, Mackenzie Philips down the aisle

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
300-lb woman on stiletto heels?
Carpet will look like a lawn that's been core aerated.

Best of Submariner
2 buffalo enter; 1 buffalo leaves!
2 buffalo enter; 1 buffalo leaves!

Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Don't Hold Back, Scott, Tell Us How You Really Feel

I am posting this because of its rich ORA potential:




A Little Something for the Kid's Lunchbox?

RDHaney sent me this.



Best of chronos z. wonderpig
AH! That how they lured Lemmiwinks in there.....

Best of The Expendable
"DON'T EAT THE CREAM FILLING!"

Best of Dr. Doom
Most retired congressmen go into business as a high priced lobbyist on the Hill. But not Barney Frank... no not Barney...

Best of Submariner
Bruce Jenner's favorite snack in elementary school?

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

Hold Me


1. "And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I... will always... love you-u-u-u-u-u-u-u."

2. "Thanks for being my human shield, buddy."

3. ORA: A young Tommy Wiseau cops a feel on a young Jim Parsons.

4. Axe body spray. 60% of the time it works every time.

5. "It's okay, man, I'm gonna miss Leonard Nimoy, too."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"And I will hug him, and I will squeeze him, and I will love him, and I will pet him, and I will call him George! George is my friend!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Jeez, Nancyboi, it's just a mouse.

Best of Dr. Doom
Looks like the Metrosexual of the Month Club is well received in some parts of the country...

Best of chronos z. wonderpig
Well, a nice piece of Butt Cake would make me feel better!

Best of The Expendable
Bruce Jenner demonstrates her motherly instincts.

Monday, March 02, 2015

Get in my Belly!


1. "And welcome back to 'Corpulent Politicians Attempt Crochet'..."

2. "So, basically, I get to be Jeb's Vice President. Isn't that awesome?"

3. "Don't make me mad, Laura Ingraham. You wouldn't like me when I'm mad."

4. "Oh, you're not Ann Coulter? Sorry, all you skinny white bitches look alike to me."

5. "No, just stand over there and throw cheespuffs into my mouth. It's fun, I promise."

Best of USMC2841
Do we have a larger chair? I'm one cheeking it here.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Well it's a pretty exclusive club, we call it Can't Produce Any Credibility," explained the Governor, "Right now it is just me, Obama, and Boehner..."