Schneider (Apologies to follow)
1. Trump's search for a VP that will make him look reasonable and intelligent goes on.
2. "Is this who you want mowing your yard? Support Comprehensive Mass Immigration Reform" - Paid for by Republicans for Paul Ryan and the US Chamber of Commerce.
3. Lawn Boy's first attempt at viral marketing was not a success.
4. At first, parents were quite happy when the Safe School Czar offered to mow the little league fields for free.
5. Ang Lee's take on Pennywise was a risky choice, but his version of It was the only adaptation to include the pedo-gangbang from the original novel.
Best of dadoctah
ORA: So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
Best of jimmy
"Honey, when I suggested you hire one of those illegal aliens to do our yard, I thought you would limit it to one from this planet."
Best of Best of
There are times I want to be more libertarian and there are times I think, "hmmm maybe not."
Best of metalgarth
Next time don't use Krusty the Clown's Lawn Service.
Best of Mac
Didn't know they remade Lawnmower Man. Looks like this one will be as unwatchable as the original.
Best of Dr. Doom
Being Representative Frank's lawn boy pays really well but the uniform is hard to take...
Best of Dr. Doom
Much like the military, the Berkeley, California Parks and Recreation Department has a uniform of the day. This one is used only on Holidays in order to make them extra FABULOUS...