Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Feats of Strength
1. For her next feat of strength, Hillary will fist Huma live on 'Ellen DeGeneres.'
2. Hillary's People: "We need to do something on your show to dispel these health rumors." Kimmel's people: "Well, how about we take her for a run in the park." Hillary's People: "Um, no, she doesn't walk around so good." Kimmel's People: "How about we let her take questions from the audience." Hillary's People: "No, taking unprepared questions causes her to have seizures." Kimmel's People: "How about she opens a pickle jar." Hillary's People: "OK, but *we* supply the jar."
3. "Twist harder... pretend there's a large donation in it from a brutal foreign dictator who wants a favor." *Pop*
4. "Whew! This lid is on much tighter than the one on the Testicle Jar."
5. Not everyone was impressed. "Kermit Gosnell would have had that opened in nothing flat," sniffed Cecile Richards at Planned Parenthood.
Best of tonn
and now we see why BIll won't let her grab his balls.
Best of metalgarth
So.... we'll put her in charge of opening pickle jars in white house kitchen. (Somehow I think that job pays at least $75,000.00 a year)
Best of Submariner
Best of Mr Hankey
"It's just like changing the batteries in Huma's strap-on, and smells the same too!"
Best of jimmy
Shout from audience: "Pretend it's Monica!"