1. Chelsea reads to Charlotte about Grandma's "Special Friend" Janet Reno.
2. "And then, Big Sister's connections got her a $600,000 no-show job at NBC News."
3. "And then, Big Sister took in a $25 Million 'donation' from a Russian company and, by total coincidence, let them take over America's uranium supply two days later."
4. "You can read the story, just don't ever let grandma hold me again. Last time, the shaking was so bad I thought she was going Casey Anthony on me."
5. "What the hell is Lena Dunham doing? Mom, this book is f--king sick!"
6. "Come on, mom. Just sound out the words. You can do this."
Best of Dr. Doom
"I know it is a bit out of touch honey," explained Chelsea, "But Uncle Barack got the Nobel Prize for Literature for writing it so we kind of have to read it..."
Best of Kaptain Krude
"It's a better read than the one Grammy Clinton read the other night, Heather Has Two Grandmas, starring Huma and Grammy Clinton ."
Best of Jay Guevara
" ... but Granma was ... er ... "busy" with her friend Huma, and so she left them to take their chances with the Muslim horde. But there was a happy ending: she was able to lay the whole thing off on some schlub and his video, so no problem."
Best of jimmy
"Yes, honey...I know it's a lousy book, but this Joanna Cole woman donated $600,000 to grandma's campaign and another $2 million to grandpa's foundation, so we have to read this book in front of this nice cameraman, and damn well like it, too. Can you say 'pay for play'? I knew you could!"
Best of Dr. Doom
"But Mommy this sounds an awful lot like Keynesian economics as employed by socialists," complained Charlotte, "Even a baby can tell that is doomed to failure..."
Best of GregMan
"...and then the illegal immigrants took all the jobs, leaving the proles dependent on the government for their miserable, joyless existences, but Mummy and Granny lived happily ever after among the elites in their gated communities."
Best of Dave's not here
"When I was your age 'sister' was a name commonly used to describe a sibling who self-identified as a female."