Sunday, January 31, 2016

OMG WTF 1970's

1. I am almost sure these 1970's PSA's marked the beginning of 'Special Snowflake' culture.

 2. A PSA where a throbbing orb comes into a little girl's bedroom at night to teach her about touching things. In particular, "smooth" and "soft" things.

And she concludes that the best things to touch are... I won't spoil it.



 Was everybody in the 1970's on acid?

Friday, January 29, 2016

Get the Balance Right



1. "Latrina, that ain't no whip cream... that's... oh, never mind."

2. According to the coroner, the sweater dogs tried desperately in their last moments to escape their faux-leather prison.

3. Oh, Dennis Rodman. America has missed you.

4. I'm no mechanic, but I can spot the need for suspension work and a front end alignment.

5. "Yeah, Latrina? Well, there's no way you'd be Bottom Bitch if Big Leroy wasn't totally cross-eyed."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Gesundheit!"

Best of Rodney Dill
Oh... You must be Tom Brady's new date."

Best of Whacko
Latrina placed first, second, and fourth in the annual pectoral flexing contest.

Best of jimmy
When arching your eyebrow at an opponent just isn't sufficient...

Best of Kaptain Krude
Strange, she doesn't look like she's jogging. No, she doesn't look like she's jogging at all. There's something not right here, something not right here at all.


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Angry Birds


1. Confident! Confident! Dry and Secure!

2. "Girl... you did NOT just toss the key to my chastity belt into the bay. Oh, no you didn't!"

3. "Well, That's it. I think we can kiss this Red Rover tournament goodbye."

4. "My cooch is locked up tighter than Hillary's server. Also, I somehow got pregnant from a Chinese guy."

5. A record crowd showed up for Martin O'Malley's latest campaign swing.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Chain cooter trap + Severe electrical storm = hilarity

Best of curly
Leshaniqua is so hard core, the strings on tampons are made of Grade 70 transport chain.

Best of GregMan
"Dammit, Laqueefna, you said there'd be a crowd of muslim rapefugees here!"

Best of Dr. Doom
A rare glimpse at the security detail guarding the back door to Hillary's harem... er, intern compound. If only she had tasked them to guard her e-mail server...

Monday, January 25, 2016

One Shot

Schneider



Most of New Jersey will see 12-18" of snow, except for Cape May where Donald Trump will be giving a speech.

Threadwinner of Submariner
OK, Sally; not too bad for a first broadcast but we usually refer to them as "Nor'easters" rather than "A frigid blow job out of Canada..."

Best of Mr Hankey
New Jersey finally gets a money shot on NYC

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Cape May got schlonged.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
All sailors know well to steer clear of the Bermuda Triangle and the Cape May Ghost Cock.

Best of curly
Notice the way she tickles Atlantic City’s prostate while working the gaseous dildo remote…

Best of Rodney Dill
...but later in the week it will be a particulary sticky situation in the keys.

Best of GregMan
"...and here in Cape May it's just going drip, drip, drip..."

Best of Dr. Doom
Maria learns that you should wait until after your weather set to shoot the tech guy down in flames...


Friday, January 22, 2016

Magic Johnson's "Son" and His $100K Purse


1. Yet, somehow, still not as ghey as Jaden Smith.
2. "And I'm meeting Senator Lindsey Graham for cocktails at 4."
3. Just wondering if guys like this keep Manpons in their Manpurses.
4. And then his Personal Assistant reminded him they were twenty minutes late for his photo shoot with Modern Pimp magazine.
5. "... And so it came down, 'Feed every child in Rwanda for a year or buy this fabu purse,' and I was all like... 'Duh!'"

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Does Anyone Really Need a 30RD Magazine to Make Me a Sandwich?


If the first thing you noted is her trigger discipline, I have some bad news for you.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

I Do Not Remember This Episode



1. "Stay out of my stash, bitch!"
2. Stop it. Stop it right now. Why won't you stop? Stop it.
3. When Donald Trump is President, I expect the State of the Union message to incorporate this as sort of a Half-Time Show.
4. "Let the anger flow! It is your destiny to join the Dark Side!"
5. "Rub more foam on her tits," Hillary called from the sidelines. "I'm almost there!"

Monday, January 18, 2016

How Many Rapes Have These Two Women Enabled Between Them?



1. Hillary: "And then I said, 'All rape victims have the right to be heard and believed.'"
2. Hillary couldn't help but laugh. "Look at those stumpy arms. She could never cup her own balls."
3. Hillary: "And then the Consulate at Benghazi asked if we could send more security."
4. "Oh, did I say 'welfare parasites with a penchant for terrorism, and gang rape?' I meant 'rich additions to the cultural tapestry of our nation.'"
5. "You deported them for gang rape? Hell, I've caught Bil doing worse, and that was with livestock."

THREADWINNER jimmy
This international reboot of _Laverne and Shirley_ was about as bad as one would expect.

Best of chronos Z. wonderpig
Ya notice that Hills blouse is mostly unbuttoned?

Best of Kaptain Krude
"So then I said, 'And your little dog Toto, too!' Oh Gaia, you should have seen the sheer terror on that intern's face!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
Bubble, bubble, toil and trou... hey, where's Gloria at?

Best of Dr. Doom
Looks like command performance of Massive Discocunts on Ice was everything Mrs. Clinton hoped it would be...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
A simple, well placed toss of a golf ball... is it too much to ask?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Ash VS the Evil Dead" got kinda silly at the end.

Best of GregMan
Prime Minister Merkel tries not to panic when Hillary starts to unhinge her jaw.

Best of GregMan
"The U.S. Constitution? Yeah, like that's going to stop me!"

Best of Submariner
Angela was suitably abashed when it was proven that Hillary knew more verses of the Iranian National Anthem than she did

The Perfect Snack for the Democrat Debate



Best of Son Of The Godfather
"It's PRINGLES!!!! Soylent Green is PRINGLES!"

Friday, January 15, 2016

"ElectroMagnetic Bomb. It Wil Blow Your Mind"



BEST of Son Of The Godfather
Everyone's got their "happy place"... Sometimes it's a memory of breast feeding.

BEST of Kaptain Krude
"Sweet Jesus, the booty on that girl! Mm-mm!" Everybody remembers the Miss Universe pageant differently.

BEST of Mr Hankey
Ben closes his eyes in defeat as his "Y" is not met with resultant "M" "C" and "A"'s by the other candidates on stage.

BEST of jimmy
Ben Carson spends his down time during the debate imagining stitching together a nearly-complete brain using the bits and pieces sharing the stage with him.

BEST of Rodney Dill
ElectroMagnetic Bomb... the best weed product Colorado has to offer.

BEST of Submariner
Remembering the bestest doobie ever!

Is it just me, or is it a little nippy out?

Moar heer.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Black Coffee in Bed


1. How Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow start their mornings.
2. "You want some fresh-squeezed milk with that?"
3. "I'll take it strong and black... like those guys who just banged us."
4. "It's WD-40... Remember? We're fembots."
5. Airline travel in the 60's was a much different experience.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

A Scumbag and a Drug Dealer Walk Into a Caption Contest

Schneider



1. "Welcome to the State of the Union Speech. You'll be seated between Michael Brown's baby-daddy and a Syrian refugee. Don't sit in the empty chair, it's for victims of Global Warming or something."

2. Ironically, both of them will be making cameo appearances in Fast and Furious 9.

3. "No big deal, I'm constantly running into Latino guys who've banged my ex-wife."

4. The Green Party unveils its 2016 ticket.

5. "Pool's in back; you better have brought your own skimmer."

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

The Mighty O'Malley Juggernaut

Brender


1. "Well, of course, as president, I can pardon Bo and Luke Duke."
2. "You see, the reason I'm a better politician is because Donald Trump can't appreciate the struggles of inbred hicks like yourself."
3. "Well, Santa, under my plan, your elves would be fully unionized and have full health insurance coverage for gender reassignment.
4. "I like to think I'm not less popular than Donald Trump, I just have a more selective appeal."
5. "And what qualifications would you bring as my Secretary of Varmints and Other Critters?"

    
Best of  I am not a robot
Ummm, I was told there would be coffee and Snicker-doodle cookies.

Best of  jimmy
A confused and disappointed Wilbur left several minutes after this photo was taken, saying Bill O'Reilly looked and sounded a lot different on TV.

Best of  Dr. Doom
"Well now that you mention it, Cletus, the cage match approach might be a good strategy," said Mr. O'Malley, "We'll just let CNN host it and they will make sure Hillary and Bernie have to go first. I'm sure I can mop up after the first bout..."

Best of  dadoctah
"Well, yes, of course I like to think of myself as 'bad' in the sense you intend. But I'm not sure if I'm really what you would call 'nationwide'." (Haugh, haugh, haugh, haugh....)

Best of  Son Of The Godfather
I wept a little when the Chris Hansen cornered Uncle Jesse in front of the camera.

Best of  Son Of The Godfather
Only a few showed up for the taint-scratching contest.

Best of  Son Of The Godfather
"Got any sevens?"
"Go fish."

Best of  curly
Look, I’m sorry that you haven’t gotten laid since Bill Clinton’s first term President, but I seriously doubt that Global Warming is to blame.

Best of  GregMan
"Vote for me and you get a free coupon for Butt Toy World!"

Best of  but not the bestest of
"You know, Hillary always buses in paid supporters to avoid these awkward no-one-showed-up situations. Just saying."

Best of  Kaptain Krude
"Yeah, uh, John Edwards *is* good, I suppose, but that was 4 years ago. There's a new election, you know."
O'Malley: "There is?"

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

SCOAMF Cries Like a Little Girl


1. 7-11 out of Menthol Kools again.
2. The anti-littering commercial they use in Kenya.
3. He gets this way every time he hears the sound of the Muezzin calling the faithful to prayer... or when "Wildfire" plays on the radio.
4. "Reggie... you went to Jared's"
5. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Withdrawal is a hell of a bitch.

Best of the  chronos Z. wonderpig
I said "Kobe, I'm open" and he walked right by........

Best of the  John Schneider
Those red eyes. The Acapulco Gold must be particularly potent this year.
Best of the  Son Of The Godfather
The Tears of a Clown

Best of the  Son Of The Godfather
P is for the presidential way you lead us
U is for the unicorns you bring
S is for your soft and gentle feelings
S is also for the shit you sling
Y anyone would have voted for you?
Put them all together they spell "Barack"...

Best of the  dadoctah
Remembering John Boehner....

Best of the  GregMan
"*Sob*... almost eight years and I still haven't completey destroyed Amerikkka!"

Best of the  Dactyl
That's not a tear, it's an OG tattoo. They just didn't have any black ink so they used sparkly nail polish instead.

Best of the  Mr Hankey
I swear as long as I'm president....Bambi's mother will live.

Best of the  metalgarth
2 minutes later Carl realized he read it wrong. It was LEMMY that died

Best of the  Submariner
A moment after the unfortunate attempt to enter the East Wing Window...

Best of the  Dr. Doom
"I have been secretly reading a right wing Christian hate site for weeks and there have been no thread winners," wailed the President, "Oh the humanity..."

Pink Crocs, Seriously?


1. File Under: People I look forward to shooting in The Burning Times. For, oh so many reasons.
2. Obama finds his next Secretary of Homeland Security.
3. The 21st Century Version of the classic "Kick Me" sign has some nuance.

Sunday, January 03, 2016

Whoopsy

Apparently, this was a thing that happened.


I saw Massive Disco Cunts open for Donna Summer back in 1979.

Saturday, January 02, 2016

BC and BC


1. "Better Conscious or Unconscious: A Panel Discussion at the Democratic Men's Forum."

2. "Leg 'er down a smack 'em yak 'em! Cold, gotta be!"

3. Bill C. "So, usually, I wait until she says the six little words every man wants to hear ..."
    Bill C. "My husband will be working late?" 
    Bill C.  "No, 'Oh, my God, I can't move'... that's when I go in for the kill." 

4. "Like my buddy Jeff Epstein says, if there's grass on the field..." "... and roophies in the glass."

5. "I just gotta ask, what's Lisa Bonet really like in the sack?" "Quiet and limp, just like all women."