Monday, February 29, 2016

I'll have what they're having.



1. The Slut-Walker then hurried home to her Tumblr Account to post about how the patriarchy objectified and devalued her.

2. She's standing on clouds. W-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-T-C-H!

3. She thought she was doing the campaign a favor, but no one ever noticed her "Feel the Bern" navel tattoo.

4. Ernie spent $200 to hire the hooker, but it was worth it to find out that Lou was a faggot after all.

5. "Sheesh, Caitlyn, your cries for attention are just getting more desperate."

Best of Best of
You take those pigeons out of thereyoung lady!

Best of Rodney Dill
Hey! How did SOTG get to be in one of your pics.

Best of jimmy
Old guy: "Argh! I think I'm having a stroke!"
Young guy: "Me too...luckily I can hide it underneath this newspaper."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Yes, yes, that's very nice, but we were looking for a girl with less meat on her bones and knees that aren't so sharp. Thank you for your consideration, anyway." dub interviews supermodel candidates while Patrick Warburton tries to read his morning newspaper.

Best of Kaptain Krude

"I'm sorry, we're British."

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

She Seems Nice

1. Wow, some of those Thai Ladyboys are masters of the tuck.
2. Finally, Kobe took someone up on her offer.
3. Everybody else in the picture is ignoring her. That must be one *intense* game of Magic the Gathering going on in the background.
4. How many ping pong balls do you think are up there?
5. On the plus side, her bikini waxes are super easy.

Best of jimmy
Her fifteen minutes of fame expired over twenty years ago, but Margaret Cho just refuses to be ignored, even at the local YMCA pool.

Best of chronos Z. wonderpig
Well, Hillary's ad listing Huma's job did say include photo

Best of Dactyl
This is (pick one):
A. A metaphor for business owners who support Bernie Sanders;\
B. A horrible muff-diving accident;
C. Winner of the World Queefing Championship '15;
D. A Realdoll from the 'irregular' bin;
E. What happens when your spray-on shorts get wet.

Best of Rodney Dill
RAMMING SPEED!

Best of Best of
and a few months later the Beatles broke up.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Le Grand Fromage

Brender
1. Another typical Tuesday morning in the Wisconsin Supreme Court.

2."Don't touch that cheese plate, Randolph, it's for the FLOTUS.'

3. Scott Walker's office, the day he threw his hat into the ring,.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Easy One


Best of Dr. Doom
Parade organizers should have known something foul was afoot when the Peach Balloon at the Georgia Peach Parade in Atlanta was sponsored by X-Lax...

Best of dadoctah
"So I must ask you once again: how far was your ass from Lakehurst, New Jersey on May 6th, 1937?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"All right, Ms. Kardashian, just a little further. There's been a small delay in bringing in the chair, but it will be here soon, I promise."

or

"All right, Mr. Obama's Ego, just a little more to the left, and.... perfect!"

Best of Rodney Dill
That's no moon....

Best of Rodney Dill
Michael Moore visits Flint.

Best of GregMan
I see Hillary is being fitted for a new pantsuit.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Hillary only won the Nevada caucas by the seat of her pants.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I think a good band name would "Lethal Dingleberries".

Best of racerboy
Oy! I'd hate to see the size of the Charmin!

Best of jimmy
And then Sir Mix-A-Lot dropped dead on the spot...grinning from ear to ear.

Best of Whacko
The artist's conception of Kanye West nears completion.

Best of curly
"Oh Great Mbotumbo! Please sh!t us out another commie Democrat."

Saturday, February 20, 2016

This Was Just Sort Of Sitting in My Pic Folder


Best of Dr. Doom
I'm pretty sure those are the ones I'm looking for...


Best of dadoctah
"That's no moon!"

Best of Brew-Jay
"Always two there are."

Best of Submariner
No matter what she tried, Penny just couldn't get a "rise" out of Sheldon.

Best of dadoctah
"Luke, I am your father."

"Well, that explains a few things."
Best of Rodney Dill

Ancient tampons and hokey breathing is no match for a good vibrator at your side kid.

Best of Rodney Dill
The 'Millenium Falcon' has got nuthin' on the 'Millenium Cougar.'

Best of Kaptain Krude
You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!

Best of Mr Hankey
"Star Wars - The Diversity Edition" still didn't have enough black people to satisfy Will Smith.

Best of curly
"Luke, I was your father, once."

Best of tonn
"Luke, I am your father, my name is Caitlyn."

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Strong enough for a man but made for a woman

Schneider


1. "This should cool you down temporarily, but we should really get you to the STD clinic, like, now!"

2. The team was beginning to wonder about the coach's Obsessive-Compulsive need to polish, literally, everything.

3. Gwen Stefani: the high school years.

4. "A little white girl like you simply needs industrial lubricants to take on the varsity basketball squad."

5. Adapting to the sexual mores of the 21st century, SC Johnson releases new Raid Ant, Roach, and Crotch Crickets.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Who Let the Dogs Out



1. "Kobe! Kobe!" Sorry, Madame Secretary, Kobe is gay now.

2. "And with God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again, so long as there are children around."

3. She shouldn't have let the mask slip in front of the humans, but she was so hungry, and the mouse was so fat and juicy...

4. In a final act of service to his country, Chris Christie performs a cannonball from the third story mezzanine.

5. "Mein fuhrer! I can valk!"

Best of Mr Hankey
    Finally captured by a Sandman, Hillary 66 prepares her life clock for Carousel.

Best of metalgarth
    So the next Star Trek movie is just a remake of the old "salt vampire" episode?

Best of dadoctah
    That reminds me. I need to go feed my koi.

Best of Submariner
    Hillary prepares to receive Huma's 'snowball.'

Best of Rodney Dill
    "SERENITY COW!!!"

When Donald Trump Goes to New York


Those Poor Bears


Friday, February 12, 2016

Grumpy Old Men

Brender


1. "Go ahead and raise taxes on the honkies, I don't pay taxes anyway."
2. "Now that you've finished your burrito, I will tell you the secret ingredient in 'Sullivan' brand hot sauce."
3.They were stuck at the restaurant clearing throats at each other for over eleven hours... each expecting the other to pay for his meal.
4. "May I suggest something more filling than a plate of lemons? I mean, since we're out and all...."
5. "I've never seen Gordon Ramsey literally butt-rape a chef before.... maybe we should eat somewhere else." 


Best of dadoctah
Cosby and Robert Culp have really let themselves go.

Best of GregMan
"Obama's already destroyed Amerikkka, what do I need to endorse you for?"

Best of Best of
It's funny, we both brag about being friends with MLK but yet this is the first time we have met.

Best of Dr. Doom
"I don't know Bernie what do you think," asked Reverend Al, "Is it better to be spiritually bankrupt by fomenting racial hatred for profit or financially bankrupt by socialism? To quote a really wise person, what difference does it really make at this point?"

Best of jimmy
Ebony and Ivory: UR doin' it wr---eh, you're close enough.

Best of Mr Hankey
Now usually if I'm going to support you, I expect to be told where the white women at?

Best of Submariner
Dammit Rev; if hot sauce and lemon wedges was good enough for the Proletariat in my youth, it's good enough for a washed up race-baiter like you now!

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Not How You Make a Sandwich


12 times the other chefs tried to vote Candee off. 12 times Gordon Ramsay put her back in line. The contestants began to suspect 'Hell's Kitchen' was rigged somehow - V the K

The pot is empty, the heat isn't on, I am hungry and I don't care.- Anonymous

Oh boy, dumplings again! - Son Of The Godfather

Cooking meth - YUR DOIN' IT RONG. But please continue... - Dr. Doom

Tis a good thing there's no flames or she might be meltin' her silicon; just sayin'... - Submariner

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

The DIABLOS Are Hugging


1. When Lindsey said he was going to be "All in Jeb," some signals may have been misinterpreted.

2. "Bad touch, Senator Graham! Bad touch!"
3. Lindsey Graham was so grateful to Jeb for financing his 'Rectal Photography' business.

4. "Tell me again about the rabbits, George."

5. "There, there Lindsey... I promise you, when I'm president, the first person I am going to Amnesty is your pouty-lipped pool-boy Raoul."


Best of Dr. Doom
"See there Lindsay - I did get more than 2%," chortled Jeb, "A bet is a bet - I get to be Obama and you have to be Chris Matthews - now get to work"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
*pat pat pat*
"Uuuuuuurp!"
And that's how you burp a Bush baby.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Peter North displays an inappropriate sign.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Do I have any volunteers to get this poor, drunk man home? Anybody? Hello? Anybody???

Best of Best of
There there, I have an older brother who fux things up as well, and I go on.


Best of Dr. Doom
"Don't worry Lindsay, my team is already on it," commiserated Mr. Bush, "We are going to have our own convention in mom's back yard in Kennebunkport, it will be called wild RINOs and you will be the keynote speaker and we will have some chardonnay..."

Best of Mr Hankey
Maybe not the primary, but damn if Jeb and Lindsey weren't going to win the dance marathon this weekend.

Best of curly
"...fer gods' sakes man, not here!"

Best of Submariner
Sorry, Ma; Lindsey got across some bad liquor again. Can he spend the night one more time?

On Job, You Had

Divine Miss M

Tuesday, February 09, 2016

Who's Got a Hug for Grandma



1. No way are those stubby arms going to be able to meet in the back.

2. The photo was badly misinterpreted. Chris Christie was not trying to hug Hillary, but was bravely interposing himself between the Clinton and the dangerously vulnerable intern behind him.

3. "I am Chris Christie... Lord of the Dance!"

4. First Rubio, now Hillary, Christie muttered, reaching for his sawed-off shotgun. Gawdam Cyborgs!

5. OMG, the she-demon put the hands backward on her human-suit today.

Best of jimmy
CC thoughtbubble: "One innocent hug right before a major election. What's the worst that could happen?"

Best of chronos Z. wonderpig
"Abuela!!" "Fat Boy!!"

Best of Rodney Dill
Oh the huge vanity!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Yes, It's definitely a lump, but shouldn't you be showing this to your doctor?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"One second, Chris. I've got to slap the shit out of that Andrew Sullivan looking motherfucker."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Yeah, those look real all right, Hill, but we must have a very different definition of 'spectacular,."

Best of Dr. Doom
Christie thawt bubble: "Must, not, look, in, her, eyes..." Clinton thawt bubble: "Not even my jaw can unhinge that much..."

Best of Best of
Unlike later versions, the FemBot 1.0 attack was almost comical and easily avoided.

Sunday, February 07, 2016

Won't somebody please think of the children.



1. "Whatever is in your pocket is hitting the back of my head."

2. "Don't cry, little one. Soon your life force will be added to my own, and the pain will be gone."

3. Hocus Pocus II: The Engorgening. 

4. ORA: "Damn, another brat with Dead Zone ability to foresee the outcome of my presidency."

5. Judging from the chick holding her nose in the background, Cankles just let fly with a deadly queef.

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

Trump at the Barricades


1. "Stay behind the cages, you losers! Except for you, Sugar Tits, you can come in front."
2. ORA: "And just to prove my point, I'm now going to shoot five of you in the head at random."
3. At a Trump rally, there is never a shortage of volunteers to pull his finger.
4. Trump's rendition of "I'm a Little Teapot" always swayed the undecided voters."
5. "My first act as president will be to plow Iowa under. Just wipe it. Scrape it off the Earth. You wouldn't want that to happen to New Hampshire, now, would you?"

Tuesday, February 02, 2016

Ass, Grass, or Gas


1. Due to a tight campaign budget, Hillary's interns have to find their own transport to the next primary.

2. "I'm on my way to NY to welcome the Syrian refugees." Bad Idea Jeans launches its new ad campaign.

3. You see these young Bernie Sanders supporters and think, "Where are the Ted Bundy's and Richard Ramirezes to thin the herd?"

Monday, February 01, 2016

Sometimes, I sits and thinks...


1. Two decades later, Beavis had undergone sex reassignment surgery and Butthead was a New York hipster.  Other than that, the show was pretty much the same.

2. Next on Oxygen, Pajama Boy discusses modern comedy with Kathy Griffin.

3. "These new avant-garde, uni-gender bathrooms are so progressive... I mean, except for the lack of sinks and toilet paper."

4. And the award for Best German Mainstream Film at Sundance goes to...

5. How the Iowa caucuses really work.