Friday, July 29, 2016

“How now! a rat?”



Best of Kaptain Krude
"That's it, my pretties. Eat all the candy!" The faint cackle briefly interrupted Hansel and Gretal's devouring of candy, but they continued when it was not repeated.

Best of Hillary herself.
"Slow and painful... I like that, this death chamber will be perfect!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Soon, young Skywalker, soon you will kneel before me and call me 'Master'! Or, is that 'Mistress'? Hm, I'll have to look that up."
Best of GregMan
Pay no attention to that dried-up old communist hag behind the curtain.

Best of Dr. Doom
The last thing Vince Foster ever saw...

Monday, July 25, 2016

We Got It All on UHF


The first and last time Peter North was invited to the Coast Guard festival.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Another DIY Caption Opportunity



Best of jimmy
Young Princess Charlotte makes a play to become the heiress apparent, while Prince George will never knew what hit him.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"All right, Tumnus, last chance. You bring out those Christmas presents, or me and my brother are coming in there, and you won't like what we do!"

Best of dadoctah
As the live-action Family Guy movie opens, Stewie has just got the cloning machine working....

Best of Steve O
A young Hillary Clinton give a young Bernie Sanders a teachable moment.

Best of Steve O
Label this picture: Hillary Clinton. Bernie Sanders. The DNC.

Best of metalgarth
Cutest. Toddlercide. EVAH!!!!!

Best of Best of
The first, and last episode of "How it works, live, for kids!"

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Leelu has really let herself go

Schneider

 
Best of Dr. Doom
Number 437 on the list of presidential candidates more qualified than Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton...
Best of metalgarth
Hillary Clinton paid $27,000 for the same outfit
Best of GregMan
Two DNC delegates check in at the Convention.
Best ofBest of
No No, it is pronounced "Lee Loo" not "Ewwwwww"
Best of John Schneider
Demi Moore has REALLY let herself go.
Best of Kaptain Krude
"Technically, it is a shirt, and I've got shoes on. Now hurry up, I want to catch Bernie's speech!"
 

Monday, July 18, 2016

It Finally Happened

Aliens have take over the UN.



1. The Romulan Ambassador's speech was well-received, particularly the part about "bringing the Federation to its knees." (Since all the UN delegates figured 'the Federation' was code for 'USA.')

2.  Distracted by reality TV and selfies, Earth fell under control of the Pantsuited Lesbians from the Crab Nebula with remarkable swiftness.

3. "I come to you with an urgent message: Mars Needs Vibrators."

Best of John Schneider
"May the odds be ever in your favor..."

Best of GregMan
"Hell yes it's full of stars! Wanna see?"

Best of Best of
Can you see or measure an atom? Yet you can *explode* one. A ray of sunlight is made up of *many* atoms! ... Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!

Best of Artfldgr
This is what hapens when you hire a stylist who used to draw comix at Marvel...

Best of Artfldgr
IF you had my face, what would you wear to look good?

Best of Artfldgr
You want to know my gender pronoun?

Best of George C Papoon
Ming The Merciless comes out after his hormone treatments.

Best of jimmy
"We were forced to reveal ourselves after decades of surveillance because we have to know: how is it that Jon Snow was dead, and then he's alive, and...we just don't get you people."

Best of Submariner
For the third time, NO! Why do you keep asking if I know Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones?

George C Papoon
Amazing, you can't even see the strings on the new Thunderbirds marionettes."

Best of metalgarth
"Yes, this hideous coat did cost as much as a new Ford F150. Why do you ask?"

Best of metalgarth
She had a really killer caption for this one but could not prove that she wasn't a robot.

Best of dadoctah
You know what this outfit just *screams* for to finish it off? A monocle!

Sunday, July 17, 2016

I'm Not Dead

Yeah I just put like a 106 hour work week, but the main reason I haven't posted is lack of material. Tried to find boobehs on Thursday. Nothin'. Nothin' on The Chive. Nothin' on Feral Irishman. None of the usual places. Today I found some though.



Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Unindicted Co-Conspirators

I'm still buried at work, but Brender just sent me an Easy One

 
 
Best of Best of
Look, it's okay cause I'm not really your father.
Best of chronos Z. wonderpig
I'm as much your father as Obama is the father of Maalox & Sushi....
Best of chronos Z. wonderpig
Look, I swear, I never used your mother's private sever to look at porn, and that Ashley Madison account was created by a hacker!
Best of jimmy
While Bill blathers on about domestic tax policy, Chelsea daydreams of sabotaging daddy's private jet and inheriting ALL.THOSE.MILLIONS. ALL MINE!MINE!MINE!
"Do go on, father..."
 
Best of Mac
You were robbed. After all that surgery you still look like your dad.
 
Best of Dr. Doom
"So Chels... ever been in a Turkish prison," queried the President?
 
Best of Best of
-Insert David Alan Coe lyrics here-
 
Best of Artfldgr
Let's discuss family technique, you were fondling the balls of...
 
Best of Submariner
So, Chels, it's like this; when a lesbo wanna-be and a smooth-talking snake oils salesman set forth to screw the nation...
 
Best of Submariner
When I asked 'em to send up a smelly pirate hooker, I wasn't expectin' mah daughter...
 
Best of Mr Hankey
The finally of the "Bill Clinton Summer Spectacular" on MSNBC concluded with Bill singing a duet with Chelsea of Kanye's greatest hits.


Sunday, July 10, 2016

Look What the Dog Found


1. Debris continues to wash ashore after the tragic crash of flight 446 to Provincetown.

2. The weird part is, in the mouth of a Lhasa-Apso, or Lena Dunham, it would look perfectly natural.

3. "Good boy, let's play felch! I mean fetch. No, wait, I was right the first time... felch!"



Best of chronos Z. wonderpig
the shuttle bus driver is no longer Hung........

Best of GregMan
I see the Safe School Czar's dog plays fetch real well...

Best of GregMan
When the AKC added the new breed "Fag Spaniel" to the Westminster Show, the first place winner belonged to Barney Frank.

Best of dadoctah
Hey, at least we got him to stop humping people's leg.

Best of Dr. Doom
"I bet that stuck up little bitch Fifi will notice me now," thought Mr. Wiggles...

Best of Dr. Doom
'Ow to speak Australian: San Francisco service dog...

Best of Rodney Dill
No, I meant I wanted a Dachshund when I said wiener dog.

Best of Kaptain Krude
When you said you were going to give your dog a bone, I envisioned something completely different.

Best of Dr. Doom
The Fire Island Spaniel is a FABULOUS breed. They are especially adept at recovering lost hamsters...

Best of Best of
In Soviet Russia, dog gives you a bone!

Best of Mr Hankey
The Cock Blockweiler

Best of Mr Hankey
I guess that Barney was a good name for him after all...

Best of Submariner
...with a knick-knack, paddy whack, give a dog a bone...♪

Friday, July 08, 2016

Open Mic Friday. Now With Topicality.

Brender


Best of Kaptain Krude
"Did you say... G'N'R is touring again?"

Best of jimmy
"That's a pretty nasty zit ya got there. I'd put some Clearasil on that."

Best of metalgarth
B.L.M. is O'TAY!!!!!!

Best of Dactyl
Your eyes...so...beautiful...

Best of chronos Z. wonderpig
"Wow! You are a shuttle bus driver!!!!"

Best of Artfldgr
Gonna sick feminist ghostbusters on you sukka...

Best of Artfldgr
Dear Diary, Today i wok up, atendid a rally, and did my best to help with my crazy eyes - bet i creeped that ocifer...

Best of dadoctah
"Wanna buy some death sticks?"
"You don't want to sell me death sticks."
"I don't wanna sell you death sticks."
"You want to go home and rethink your life."
"I wanna go home and rethink my life."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"My God, it's full of stars!"

Best of Best of
Okay, one more guess, orange starburst?

 

Best of Mr Hankey
The day that Kyle learned the Barry Manilow concert was totally sold out.

Thursday, July 07, 2016

Posting is light because work is crushing me

I'll get to those best ofs someday. Pinky Swear.

Moar here.


Wednesday, July 06, 2016

Guilty as Sin, Free as a Bird


1. "I did my job tearing Amerikka down. It's your job to burn the rubble and salt the Earth so that it never grows back."

2. "Damn girl, can't nobody stink up an airplane lavatory like you."

3. The fact that AF1 landed safely with those two on board instead of spiraling into the ground at high subsonic speed proves the pilots are a couple of commie traitors.

4. "Well, when I take over, the purple velvet upholstery is the first thing to go."

5. "Join the Mile High Club? Please.... Huma and I did that way back in '93."

Friday, July 01, 2016

Drink It In, People

Schneider (Apologies to follow)


1. Trump's search for a VP that will make him look reasonable and intelligent goes on.
2. "Is this who you want mowing your yard? Support Comprehensive Mass Immigration Reform" - Paid for by Republicans for Paul Ryan and the US Chamber of Commerce.
3. Lawn Boy's first attempt at viral marketing was not a success.
4. At first, parents were quite happy when the Safe School Czar offered to mow the little league fields for free.
5. Ang Lee's take on Pennywise was a risky choice, but his version of It was the only adaptation to include the pedo-gangbang from the original novel.

Best of dadoctah
ORA: So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Best of jimmy
"Honey, when I suggested you hire one of those illegal aliens to do our yard, I thought you would limit it to one from this planet."

Best of Best of
There are times I want to be more libertarian and there are times I think, "hmmm maybe not."

Best of metalgarth
Next time don't use Krusty the Clown's Lawn Service.

Best of Mac
Didn't know they remade Lawnmower Man. Looks like this one will be as unwatchable as the original.

Best of Dr. Doom
Being Representative Frank's lawn boy pays really well but the uniform is hard to take...

Best of Dr. Doom
Much like the military, the Berkeley, California Parks and Recreation Department has a uniform of the day. This one is used only on Holidays in order to make them extra FABULOUS...