Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Data Gets His Circuits Going

[Schneider) Just for gits and shiggles, I decided to use all Brent Spiner quotes for captions.  They work pretty well.


1. "I find her to be a competent officer; highly motivated... though somewhat lacking in her understanding of the theory underlying the dilithium matrix application."

2. "In my study of interpersonal dynamics, I have found that conflict, followed by emotional release, often strengthens the connection between two people."

3."Darling, you remain as aesthetically pleasing as the first day we met. I believe I am the most fortunate sentient in this sector of the galaxy. :

4. "The safest and most logical decision in this situation is to contact Starfleet and await further instructions."

5. "I believe you will also de-evolve into an earlier form of primate - possibly similar to a lemur or pygmy-marmoset. "


Best of Steve O
Flash forward -- Anthony Wiener with Huma's daughter.

Best of Dr. Doom
"What I wouldn't give for access to a holodeck right now," thought Brent...

Best of Submariner
Wanna go with me to a, to a... never mind. I just "warp factor 9'd" in my pants without you...

Best of metalgarth
Droid, schmoid... I may not look like much but I got it where it counts!

Monday, August 29, 2016

Into the Mud, Scum Queen

Schneider

1. There's definitely a 2016 election metaphor in this picture.
2. "Damn, two days before he was supposed to testify against Hillary Clinton."
3. Joe couldn't wait for the weekend when the phrase "I'm going to stick my hose in your filthy mudhole" had a completely different meaning.
4. "Well, at least I'm not $100,000 in debt with a degree in Womyn's Studies."
5. "We all float down... Oh, hi Frank." "Hi, Pennywise."

Friday, August 26, 2016

Beeg Yuuger Gyant Focking Khet


1. Tom Cruise wakes up in the morning and greets his normal sized Khet.

2.  We've replaced Joe's usual Khet with an Abomination of God, Let's see if he notices.

3. "I need to clean the litter box again. Do we still have M'Chel's eatin' shovel?"

4. Joe thought he had the 'Biggest Pussy' contest sewn up until Kanye West, Bill Maher, and Barack Obama showed up.  

5. Between his cat allergies and the outrageous cost of EpiPens, Joe soon went bankrupt.

Best of Teh Khet
I am altering my dietary guidelines human, pray I do not alter them further.

Best of dadoctah
This is the internet, so why the hell not.

Best of Dr. Doom
Bob's internet search for big hairy pussy was a HUGE disappointment...

Best of Best of
I do believe you found one pussy obama would eat.

Best of Dactyl
I CAN HAZ CHEESEBURGER! NOW, HOOMAN!!

Best of Artfldgr
Sam found out too late what that geneticist feminist cat lady did in her spare time

Best of jimmy
His litterbox? You know it as *Angola*.


Rorschach Blot Cheerleaders

I don't even have a caption for this, I just thought it was kind of neat.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Feats of Strength



1. For her next feat of strength, Hillary will fist Huma live on 'Ellen DeGeneres.'

2. Hillary's People: "We need to do something on your show to dispel these health rumors." Kimmel's people: "Well, how about we take her for a run in the park." Hillary's People: "Um, no, she doesn't walk around so good." Kimmel's People: "How about we let her take questions from the audience."  Hillary's People: "No, taking unprepared questions causes her to have seizures." Kimmel's People: "How about she opens a pickle jar." Hillary's People: "OK, but *we* supply the jar."

3. "Twist harder... pretend there's a large donation in it from a brutal foreign dictator who wants a favor." *Pop*

4. "Whew! This lid is on much tighter than the one on the Testicle Jar."

5. Not everyone was impressed. "Kermit Gosnell would have had that opened in nothing flat," sniffed Cecile Richards at Planned Parenthood.

Best of tonn
and now we see why BIll won't let her grab his balls.

Best of metalgarth
So.... we'll put her in charge of opening pickle jars in white house kitchen. (Somehow I think that job pays at least $75,000.00 a year) 

Best of Submariner
>cackle<
>snort!<
>cackle<
>snarf<
 
Best of Mr Hankey
"It's just like changing the batteries in Huma's strap-on, and smells the same too!"

Best of jimmy
Shout from audience: "Pretend it's Monica!"

Monday, August 22, 2016

Oh, Look, Someone Caught a Goa'Uld


1. Hillary actually has a nest of those thingies living in her lower colon.
2. Someone just caught a great big, "Nooop, No F--king Way."
3. The catch has already been offered a permanent hosting job on 'The View.'
4. "Bob, is it wrong that this fish makes me horny?"
5. The main ingredient in McDonald's new 'Filet O'Noooooope' sandwich.



Best of Best of dadoctah
ORA Twofer: why you should never feed Falkor after midnight.


Best of Jay Guevara
The obstetricians just delivered the latest Clinton.

Friday, August 19, 2016

Eight Water Crack

Brender

1. And the Jamaican Synchronized Queefing Team takes to the pool.
2. Humiliated by their bronze metal, the entire Japanese diving team committed suicide.
3. Some "Loch Ness Monster" photos are more obviously fake than others.
4. The morning after an entire swim team agreed to testify against Hillary Clinton.
5. After catching a glimpse of the Olympic spectacle, Hillary Clinton dismissed her staff and had some 'alone time.'

Best of metalgarth
The Water World - Human Centipede crossover actually did quite well in some markets

 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

When you eat the whole cheese wheel

Schneider


1. DNA Tests to determine whether Beavis or Butthead was the father were inconclusive.
2. Hi-Resolution Sonograms have gone too far.
3. The "That Face You Make When..." Meme has just hit that mother lode.
4. Someone's passing last night meal of "Habanero-Stuffed Jalapeno shooters."
5. The face that got over a million hits on the "Asian O-Faces" website.



Best of dadoctah
ORA: The Brothers Grunt turn up in some of the most unlikely places.

 

Best of Dr. Doom
When Dawn read the Black Olives Matter sign at her local pizzeria the shock wave from her head explosion was felt all the way to Rio...

 

Best of Best of
And this is what pooping hot dogs looks like.

 

Best of Submariner
Though his form was absolutely perfect, Chang only scored a 3.5 on his cannonball dive based on the negative level of difficulty.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

How Many Dogs in this Picture


1. "'Obama at Man's Country,' Dude, you are so good at Charades."
2. "Hot dogs... so gross... maybe I can get through this if I just pretend they're dicks."
3. "I'm afraid to open my eyes... did our summoning ritual produce the demonic hellhound or no?"
4. "I am the Safe School Czar and I approve this message."
5. "Hey, if you can swallow that Hillary Clinton is totally clear of any wrongdoing, you should be able to swallow a few dozen Armour hot dogs."

Best of Dr. Doom
In this picture we see a perfect metaphor for the Amerikkkan voter. No matter which way you vote, it will seem like you are subsisting on junk food while be being anally raped by a large animal. Pretty dismal no? Unless, of course, you are in San Francisco, then it is pretty much a win-win...


Best of Dr. Doom
From that day forward young Helmund Butt resolved he would play for the German National Team...


Best of Submariner
Poor Timmy; he just found out those ARE Lassie, and the show was going a new, darker, direction...

 

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Objects May Be Larger Than They Appear


1. ORA: "whoaaaaa im trippin my nut sack into a frenzy of dik play."

2. "Boy Likes Him Some Tittehs," One of Norman Rockwell's rejected Saturday Evening Post covers.

3. "Well, f--k the Catholic Church, their sexual mores, and their Geocentric Universe," a young Galileo Galilei finds inspiration.

4. "So, she's so dumb she's pointing the telescope at the grass, trying to find Perseids in the daytime, but on the other hand, look at her tits."

5. "Look! It's SMOD! Coming to save us all from Trump and Hillary! Yay, SMOD! Go SMOD!"


Best of Rodney Dill
"OK, I give up.... just where is Uranus?"


Best of Rodney Dill
"Astronomer? I don't even know her."


Best of Dr. Doom
Mary Ann: "Ooh the British are coming the British are coming"
Young Groucho: "And they're not the only ones..."

 

Ready


Friday, August 12, 2016

Are you up to the challenge, Monor?

Can this even be captioned? I'll give it a try: (ahem)

1. "You'll put your eye out, kid."


Tuesday, August 09, 2016

And then I'm going to the Vet to Get Tutored


1. "Dammit, these arms are just too skinny to drag him to the kitchen."
2. Biden would amuse himself by hiding tabs of blotter acid in wads of raw hamburger and leave them on the White House dog walk.
3. A Bitch and a Son of a Bitch: But which one's which?
4. "Leash, harness, collar... sigh... I miss Reggie Love."
5. "Hm, that reminds me, the State Dinner for the President of Korea is coming up."

Sunday, August 07, 2016

Weekend at Cankles


1. "Last time I do a pub crawl with Patrick Kennedy and Ruth Bader Ginsburg."

2. "Mein fuhrer! I can valk!"

3. "She always has problems with stairs after a conjugal visit with Huma."

4. "One you sh-tkickers tell them to get the f--king crucifix off the door. You know I can't enter sanctified ground."

5. ORA: "Dammit! I never should have shook hands with that Dark Zone guy. One of you sh-tkickers better Foster him tout de suite or its your ass."

Best of Mr Hankey
"...that's the last time I go to Bill Cosby's dressing room"

Best of Mac
And then Santa told me I ain't gonna shit right for a week.

Best of George C. Papoon
Heave ho me harties !
♪Way hay and up she rises,
Way hay and up she rises,
Way hay and up she rises,
Early in the morning!♪

 

Best of George C. Papoon
"Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."

 

Best of GregMan
CapThis "I Can't Believe No-one Thought Of This Yet" Caption #37: "Damn, that shuttle bus driver really was hung!"

 

Best of Jay Guevara
"I knew that third bottle of Robitussin was a bad idea."

 

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Guards! Seize them!... and then seize yourselves!"

Mo' Backside


Wednesday, August 03, 2016

And Now You See Chicago Got That One Nickname



1. Hey, it ain't easy making a cocktail dress out of the seat covers from a pimp's BMW.

2. Why is Mike Singletary in a dress? Has he gone Caitlyn Jenner on us?

3. I've seen tackling dummies with better fashion sense; and more feminine builds.

4.  Ah, the very picture of refined femininity... next to a linebacker in a strapless cocktail dress.

5.
 

Best of metalgarth
Take my wife.... PLEASE, I have an important meeting at Gary's Bathhouse
Best of John Schneider
Klingon battle armor looks different in the JJ universe.
Best of Jay Guevara
"I used to date hot blondes in Hawaii. Look at the shit the CPUSA made me marry."
Best of Submariner
What can I say?
Look at those pecs. Look at those hands.
I like 'em more manly than me...
Best of Dr. Doom
In retrospect the First Lady realized that she committed a major faux pas at the state dinner for the Saudi Ambassador. She never should have worn white to a pork rib BBQ...
Best of Whacko
"If you had THIS waiting for you at home, wouldn't YOU play golf every damn weekend?"
Best of Best of
It's her or Amerikkka, which one would YOU choose to feck?
Best of Kaptain Krude
"I wasn't expectin' visitors", M'ch'lle intoned to the guests, "so I just threw on the nearest sofa covering and here we is!"


Tuesday, August 02, 2016

Get in muh belly


1. Warning: Donald Trump's X-Power is to freeze your face in the last expression you have when you look at him.

2. "Cute... bring it back to me in about 18 years when I'll be needing a new trophy wife."

3. How can I f--k this up today?  thought Trump before kicking the mother in the face and tea-bagging the baby.

4. "You got it wrong, ma'am, it's Hillary who demands a blood sacrifice of the innocent."

5. Donald Trump was happy whenever he met anyone with smaller hands than his.

Pass the Eye Bleach


Monday, August 01, 2016

Back to the Sh-t.



1. "Excuse me, sir, but between the dumpster fire on Third Street and the train wreck outside of town, we already have enough metaphors for the Trump campaign."

2. Luckily, the drive was able to avail himself of the Hillary defense, "I wasn't driving recklessly, just extremely carelessly."

3. "The driver says hold off on the jaws of life, she's still texting."

4. "Guys! For the love of God, pull me out of here! I swear, the truck is *not* a Transformer! Please stop waiting for it to transform."

5. Since Colorado legalized marijuana, first responders just stand around going "Wow."

Best of GregMan
"He says hold off a minute, he's almost captured a squirtle"

Best of Dr. Doom
The scene moments after Representative Frank realized the shuttle bus driver in the left lane was Hung...