Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Eating Dinner with Mittens


1. "Oh, no, Willard. You lost the bet. You *will* eat the raw Rocky Mountain Oysters."

2. The only thing that's missing from this picture is Mittens holding up a newspaper with today's date on it.

3. "Mmm-Mmm... antique telephone pole insulators. Them's good eatin'."

4. Happy Family Home Evening! The best Jell-O salads are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Mormons!

5. "Eat your fancy scallops, Establishment boy. A bowl of Jack Daniels and Product 19 is all a real man needs for dinner."



Best of metalgarth
President Muntz: "The RNC says for you to SHUT UP"
Romney: "Priebus said that?"

Best of V the K
"We discussed a possible role in the administration, but, unfortunately, I don't think I can fit into the gimp suit."

Best of Jay Guevara
Pro tip for The Donald: don't let him go to the bathroom. He'll take your canoli on the way out.

Best of Best of
It was a love-hate relationship, but the heart shaped bed covered in silk sheets and rose petals won Mitt over.

Best of GregMan
Mittens wonders when the God Emperor is going to pounce on him and sever his jugular.

Meanwhile...


1. "Wow, Ghost of Christmas Past... you're HOT!"

2. "Now, watch me troll Hillary in the Lesbian Chat Room... 'Hi, I'm a thirty-year old Arab brunette with perky C-cups and love radical politics. So horny tonight!' Oh, crap, now Bill wants to go private."

3. "Don't bother me now... 'Lids' is having a CyberMonday sale."

4. "OK, let's make one more Joe Biden meme and then we'll go back to work on the transition."

5. "Dammit, somebody already claimed 'schlonged.com' and 'pussygrabber.com'."

Best of Jay Guevara
"Watch this. I'll get the Democrats to exactly reverse the position they had last week. Then next week, I'll roll them back to it. They never catch on."

Best of chronos Z wonderpig
"...and with just a click of the mouse I can send 100 cases od depends to Hillary!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"'Two Girls, One Cup', eh? Yeah, sure, I've got a couple minutes."

Best of Dr. Doom
"And with one click I just bought Canada," explained the Donald, "Now the liberals will have to go to Mexico and once the wall is built they will have to stay there..."

Best of metalgarth
I guess Bo 'grabs 'em by the pussy too'

Best of jimmy
KAC: "So who is this Dawn woman, and why is her head exploding?"

Best of Rodney Dill
"The computer wanted to play a game... It's called Global Thermonuclear War, so I thought, why the hell not."


Monday, November 28, 2016

Dog Eats Out Man


1. Yeah, yeah, we all know what happens when you have a dog and smear peanut butter on a p-ssy.
2. From "Can't I just eat my waffle" to "Can't I just enjoy doggy fellatio" in eight short years.
3. "M'Chel and Malia told me I ought to give it a try."
4. Dog Thought Bubble: "Oh, I see you've been neutered also."
5. "Hey, when you got  a dog this talented, you don't just eat him." 

Best of Jay Guevara
"Yes, he'll do fine. Take him around back to the White House chef."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Damn in Bo, watch the teeth," screeched the President, "It looks like I need to send you back to the Chris Matthews School of Obedience..."

Best of jimmy
No one in the White House Press Corps dared point out that "Bo" was actually Chuck Todd in his Furry costume.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Let him inside? On the couch? No way! January 20th is coming, and M'ch'll'e still hasn't made her dress!"

Best of Mr Hankey
"Disney's The Shaggy AG" follows the misadventures of Loretta Lynch after a spell book turns her into a dog. But even being a canine won't stop her from crawling up her master's ass. You'll laugh and cry.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Meanwhile, Back in the Stacks



1. "All right, mom, I'm gonna have to close this Skype now."

2. "Dammit, I hate it when Hillary resets my bookmarks."

3. "OMG, that makes me so hot. I'm taking off my bra now.... Of course I'm a lesbian, too... just my... um... cam isn't working because of software, but I'm totally hot and female right now. Don't stop."

4. "OK, just dropped the six-year-old and the four-year-old off for story time, and now some daddy-time."

5. "Meh... it's not the best Thursday pic ever, but it beat that swan peeing on that girl."

Monday, November 21, 2016

Why Can't Democrats Let a Republican Enjoy a Play?



1. "Why do they always seat me behind Ann Coulter's replicants?"

2. And apparently, one of the replicants just farted.

Friday, November 18, 2016

You're Welcome


Anti-Trump Woman Transgender Commie Feminist Screams at Horse

Schneider

1. "I LOVED YOU IN 'HOCUS POCUS.' CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH!"

2. Horse Thought-Bubble: "Why is this crazy chick screaming at me? Doesn't she realize I'm a horse."

3. Horse Thought-Bubble: "I should have stayed in Enumclaw."

4. Difference between transgender commie feminist and the horse? Men actually want to mount the horse.

5. The horse he rode in on was decidedly not interested in the offer.

Best of Sort-of-Mad Max
"DON'T SNORT AT ME! WE ALL HAVE DAYS WE DON'T FEEL AS FRESH AS WE'D LIKE TO!"

Best of Rodney Dill
The Ruggles win the pennant, the Ruggles win the pennant.

Best of metalgarth
"Lena Dunham and Sarah Jessica Parker get into an argument. Film at 11"

Best of Jay Guevara
"For the umpteenth time, I am NOT John Kerry!"

Best of George C. Papoon
"That's it, I'm moving to a rehab farm in Tennessee, I'd rather have a Weiner on my back than this twat in my face."

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

LOL

 



Best of dadoctah
Hey, Reagan fans, you wanted the eighties back? Probably should have been more specific.


Best of Submariner
Ang Lee's remake of "Pretty in Pink" was about what you'd expect...

Best of Whacko
Secretary of Rear Entry (not that there is anything wrong with that), Secretary of Finding Gender Studies Majors Something to Do, and the Secretary of Tastefully Combining Plaids.


Best of Dr. Doom
In the participation trophy line after the Mr. California contest...

Best of Jay Guevara
Zombie Charles Darwin: "I ... I ... I don't understand! How can this happen?"

 

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Two-Shot

Schneider
 

1. Jetliner bukkake is the latest and hottest trend in Japanese pr0n.

2. Local health officials took no chances when Miley Cyrus's plane arrived.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Trumped


1. When you realize what you just won is $20 Trillion of debt and a dumpster fire foreign policy.

2. Trump's thought bubble: "This place would look so much better in gold lame wallpaper."

3. Presidents of the United States? Or two guys waiting at Talbot's while their wives try on outfits.

4. "We'll just give Hillary a Participation Trophy and tell her Everyone's a winner."

5. "... And that is why the fireplace must never be unsealed. Heed my warning, well."

Friday, November 11, 2016

Callsign: "Broomstick One"


Despite a thorough shampoo and detailing, the stench of failure would remain with the plane until the end of its days.

White House Sourpusses as Trump Era Begins



1. Crying chick in back. "Why doesn't anyone ever want to grab me by the p-ssy?"
2. I thought black was supposed to be slimming. I guess not.
3. "Do you have to take that damn ham radio everywhere you go?"
4. Obama staffers... or mourning relatives of a rich maiden aunt upon learning she left all her money to the no kill cat shelter?
5. "The Deplorables are invading my Safe Space!"

Oh, my. Yummy!


1. I just can't help wondering how many cats they own between them. Gotta be like... 50.

2. "But... but... you promised we could smash the Patriarchy!"

3. "But you promised that we would never have to deal with life's harsh realities."

Best of GregMan
Is this that "Lamentation of their women" thing Conan was going on about? 'Cause I'm liking it!

Best of Jay Guevara
"OK, OK, who flashed that photo of Anthony Weiner's dick on the screen?"

Best of Jay Guevara
Someone just explained heterosexual relations to them. Asian guy looks intrigued. The others, not so much.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"... and then >sob<, they said we could eat a Bag of Dicks!"

Best of Mr Hankey
Can you guess which one went down on Hillary and which one went down on Bill?

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

Too Soon


The Election Results: Summarized



Best of jimmy
The shoes? Eh, not her style. Those stripes, though, suit her to a T.

Best of tonn
Hillary loses Kansas in a big way.

Best of Dr. Doom
After her run for the Presidency, Hillary threw her hat into the ring for the Mayor of Munchkinland with much the same results...

Best of dadoctah
I got news for you guys. That's Carly Fiorina!

Monday, November 07, 2016

The Horrible Grandma



1. Blah, blah, blah incubus... blah, blah, blah life force...

2. Hilary insisted on inspecting the main course before each of John Podesta's "Spirit Dinners."

3. Nice catch.

4. "I get almost sad when I think of the Venezuelan-style poverty this little one will have to do; but then I remember, I'll be living a giant house surrounded by armed guards and piles of dough. Woo-Hoo!"

5. "Does this child have a preferred pronoun? I'll just refer to it as 'dinner.'"

Best of dadoctah
"Jeez, first colorful balloons, and now this!"

Best of dadoctah
So this is Trump's fourth wife.

Best of loaded4bear
Guess which one has a load in their diaper.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Yum!"

Best of Dr. Doom
"Ahhh yessss," hissed Mrs. Clinton, "this one will be perfect for the ritual sacrifice at my inauguration. Fatten it up for the occasion, Huma..."

Best of Dr. Doom
The onlookers watched in horror as Hillary's jaw slowly unhinged...

Friday, November 04, 2016

Hey, Check Out the Weiner on That Horse

Anthony Weiner reports for horse therapy.


Best of dadoctah
"Time to go meet up with Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Applejack."

 

Best of Russ in OR
Nice of Hillary to suggest this clinic.
Maybe she forgives me after all.
But why is everyone calling me "Mr. Hands"?

Best of jimmy
Excerpt from November 6, 2016 e-mail from John Podesta to HRC

[snip]...Stage Four: Have Weiner committed to a rural, secluded 'clinic'---check
Stage Five: Stage 'accident' involving auto-erotic asphyxiation and a compliant horse--in process
Stage Six: Issue press release stating how the campaign is shocked by...[snip]

Best of Dr. Doom
Carlos Danger rides again...

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Hey Huma, why the long face?"

Best of George C. Papoon
So the horse, having lost the bet with the drunk man in the bar over who had the biggest weiner, went out and got another.

 

Thursday, November 03, 2016

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

FAB Presses the Flesh in the Hood.




1. ORA: "My schedule said 'Interview with BBC,' this was not what I expected. I should never have hired a gay dude as my campaign manager."

2. "When I'm President, you guys can all have jobs bringing me and Bill coffee."

3. "Stop me if you've heard this one before, two black guys and a lesbian walk into a bar..."

4. "Why yes, Chelsea always enjoys a good spit-roasting. When is your barbecue?"

5. "Swing loooow, sweet chari-uh-hut... Come on, sing it with me, I'm told you people love these old spirituals."

Best of Rodney Dill
Hillary: "Are you 243, 238, or 241? I can never tell you guys apart."

Best of jimmy
"It's so nice to finally meet you. I've watched you play Benson the butler on TV for years!"

Best of Mr Hankey
Why yes, I speak jive

Best of Dr. Doom
"Remember, he will be riding a horse and wearing a blue helmet," explained Mrs. Clinton, "make it look like an accident..."

Best of Kaptain Krude
".... so then I told him that I would have more room to be flexible with their demands once I'm, quote 'elected' unquote. >cackle< >cackle< >snort< "

Best of Jay Guevara
"Thanks. I ain't no ways tahred no more."