Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Pink Wigs and Beard Glitter


1. Ang Lee auditions for the part of 'Leelu' in his Fifth Element remake.

2. "They were all out of pussy hats, and we just had fit in at the Womyn's March."

3. "Thanks for joining me in the Pride March, Dad."

4. "Welcome to the new Transgender-Inclusive Boy Scouts, We're your troop leaders."

5. "Well, we used to work as AGs in the Justice Department, until President Trump fired us."

Monday, January 30, 2017

The Penis Park Is a Real Thing



1. Dark Helmet told his family that the reunion picnic would take place "By the Giant Dick Cannon."

2. Hmm, "Dick Cannon," I think I just found my porn star name.

3. George Michael's final resting place ranked second only to Jim Morrison's as a celebrity attraction.

4. Folsom Street Park was one of San Francisco's  more "family friendly" public spaces.

5. Due to a spelling error, the landscaper did not plant "Peonies" at the park entrance.

Best of GregMan
Plans for the entrance to the Obama Presidential Library have just been released.

Best of Dr. Doom
If the NEA were in charge of Parks and Recreation...

Best of Dr. Doom
Heads rolled when Lord Vader finally saw the tribute sculpture...

Friday, January 27, 2017

Little Red Riding Hood



1. "Did I leave my phone in the house. Damn, I left my phone in the house. Should I go all the way back and get it? Am I gonna need it? Damn, I'm probably going to need it. FML."

Worst Person Ever


Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Clam Bake, Gonna Have a Clam Bake

Schneider



1. Nice try, but I doubt Trump would want to grab any of you.

2. Clinton Foundation employees try desperately to cling to the few remaining jobs.

3. "The New England Clam Council appreciates your support, but we'll be sticking with a more conventional ad campaign."

4. "What do we want? Dignity and Respect! How do we get it? By dressing up as vaginas!"

5. I can't help but feel they're only giving lip service to the cause of Women's Rights.



Best of Dr. Doom
Number one on the list of narrowly rejected Clinton Campaign planks...

Best of George C. Papoon
To no one's surprise, this is not the first time these five have their heads buried in giant labia.

Best of Prince of Leaves
...Seconds before the protestors were hit-and-run by the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.

Best of Mr Hankey
Julie's friends were not puzzled as to why her fake vagina contained genital warts and herpes sores, as they all knew she was a giant slut.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Justin Trudeau and Kids



1. Boy thoughtbubble. "OMG, I can't believe the bullsh-t coming out of this guy's mouth." Girl thoughtbubble: "His hair is dreamy." You now know everything there is to know about Canadian politics.

2. Boy thoughtbubble. "I can't believe I missed the Safe School Czar's naked pool party for this."

3. Bored by the Prime Minister;s insipid rambling, Billy chooses to get in a set of sit-ups.

4. The girl was trained well on how to look thoughtful and engaged while mentally playing "connect-the-dots" with the spots on the bald guy's head.

5. Girl thoughtbubble: "I wish the whole world would just burn... burn... burn..."

Best of Dr. Doom
The crowd reacts to Mr. Trudeau's announcement that Canada would be changing it's national pastime from hockey to curling due to its inclusiveness and lack of violence...

 

Best of metalgarth
STOLEN & REPURPOSED: Justin Trudeau just "EXPLAINED" homosexual relations to these people. Girl seems intrigued, boy.... not so much. Wow. Talk about a slip!

 

Best of Dr. Doom
"Geez, what an idiot," thought little Billy, "when Mom said there would be a clown, I didn't realize it would be the Prime Minister..."

Saturday, January 21, 2017

One Shot



1.  All these years, and Bill still does a fantastic Monica impression.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Outstanding in Their Field



1. No, no... I don't care for the new Power Rangers reboot at all.

2. "OK, so maybe the meeting of the Lena Dunham Fan Club didn't need to reserve the entire park."

3. "So... none of you guys brought the crystal meth. Well, this picnic sucks."

4. Apparently, there are three genders. Male, female, and Daddy-Didn't-Pay-Enough-Attention-to-Me.

5. "Terry... Chris... I thought we all agreed on no hats."

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Shiny Unhappy People




1. The California State Assembly met in special session this week.

2. It was sad how many people looted George Michael's closets after his death.

3. "Bros for Hillary" holds its final meeting.

4. "Damn Federal Holiday! I dressed for Money Suit Mondy, not Feather Boa Tuesday."

5. Chelsea Manning's supporters wait eagerly outside Leavenworth Prison.

4011


1. "Wow, Mrs. Clinton. You and Ms Abedin sure make a lot of daiquiris."

2. Then, one day, you wake up and your life has become a story problem.

3. "After this last customer I'm going on break....."...turns around....."FML"

4. ORA: "Will that be all, Mr. Mapplethorpe?"

5.  "Daylight Come and Me Wanna Go Home..."

Friday, January 13, 2017

Shot and Chaser



 
Best of metalgarth
How Grandpa Simpson found out that the rumors about Lenny and Carl were true.
Best of Nate
'Moooooooon River ....'
Barry: "Hey Joe have you seen my new testicular cancer posters? They are putting them up at Man Country tonight. Let me know what you think."
Joe (groaning inwardly): "Not again..."
Best of Dactyl
Tearful Biden thought bubble: "I can't believe this is the last time...."
Best of Joe Biden
Is that a toypedo or are you just happy to squeeze me?
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Just remember, O, our safe word is 'Pelosi'"
Best of Dr. Doom
Flip side of poster: Move to the head of the class, check my...
Announcer: "We apologise for the adult nature of this PSA. Those responsible have been bagged, er... sacked...
Best of GregMan
Soon-to-be-ex-President thought bubble: "Man, I could really go for a Toypedo right now!"
Best of Best of
Now if you could add a third panel, a picture of Chris Mathews with an extremely jealous look on his face, this would be perfect.
 

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

For Thurs....


More here.

The 'Entire' Varsity Team?


Good Riddance



1. "Presidential Address" followed by "The Big Bang" featuring Reggie Love.

2. "Presidential Address" "Fresh Off the Boat" ... lousy stinkin' birthers!

3. "Good Behavior"... or, "How Hillary can get her sentence reduced."

4. "Obama's Farewell Address" followed by "The Wall." Perfect.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

A Child in a Ball Gag; Because Hollywood



1. Special Delivery for Senator Harry Reid.

2. The 'Bring Out the Gimp' scene in Roman Polansky's soft reboot of 'Pulp Fiction' was very disturbing.

3. My mom just used soap when I said a bad word. Then again, my mom wasn't Rosie O'Donnell.

4. Show and Tell at 'Folsom Street Elementary' is something you deplorable hicks from flyover country just would not understand.

5.  NAMBLA sends the Safe School Czar a token of appreciation for his service to their community.

Best of Sort-of-Mad Max
"I TOLD you I'm not eating any more Michelle Obama-approved school lunches!"

Best of Mr Hankey
All Kyle said was " Maybe we give President Trump a chance?"

Best of Double the U
John Hughes had to get that look from Macaulay Culkin somehow.

Best of Dactyl
I'm starting to think that Dr. Sandusky isn't a real orthodontist.

I Can Stabz Cheezburger?


Sunday, January 08, 2017

Za



Best of Anon
John Podesta's Christmas cards lacked traditional themes of the season.

Best of Dr. Doom
Look it's Amerikkka's favorite meal, fast and easy (excepting San Francisco of course). Oh and a pizza...

Friday, January 06, 2017

She Seems Nice



Despite her defeat, Hillary is still getting applications for interns. This one made the callback list.

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Paging Mike Hunt



1. This guy doesn't give many interviews, he's very hard to find.

2. "I'll be at the bar later with my friends Harry Beaver and Buster Hymen."

3. "When the insurance company heard my name, they said they'd get to my claim lickety split."

Best of GregMan
"For some reason Hillary Clinton keeps calling me."

Best of GregMan
"My neighbor is from Vietnam. His name is Phuc U."

Best of Sort-of-Mad Max
"Looking for Mike Litoris? He's out on the lake; you know, the little man in the boat."

Best of George C. Papoon
Welterweight Litoris at 145 was a squirt, but could take a licking even if pounded all night.

Best of Dr. Doom

If the Clinton Campaign had gone the 'Joe the Plummer' route, this guy would have been perfect...

Best of Kaptain Krude
"The really strange thing is, Hillary keeps sniffing around and making comments. Can you tell her that it's never gonna happen? Can ya, huh?"

Best of Dactyl
Champion, State fair pie eating contest, 2013-2016.



Tuesday, January 03, 2017

What Does a Four-Time Loser Have for Breakfast?



1. "Mom, let's ask for an autograph!" "Oh, no, honey... just let the Cryptkeeper eat in peace."

2. "Am I a woman dreaming I'm a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming I'm a corrupt, decrepit, brain-damaged, incompetent, power-crazed bitch?"

3. "Mom, let's ask for an autograph!" "Oh, no, honey... just let Meg Ryan eat in peace."

4. "Let's see if there's any hits on my 'locallesbians' app."

5. A sad Hillary checks her phone again to see if any of the Clinton Foundation donors (three hours late by now) have texted.

Monday, January 02, 2017

How Not to Give a Reacharound

Schneider


1. "SURPRISE BUTTSECKS!"

2. Blah Blah Blah Obamacare Blah Blah Blah Prostate Exams.

3. "Sorry, Jill Stein has us checking for votes everywhere."

4. "Sorry, these 'Man's Country' flashbacks always come at the worst possible time."

5. "He never calls! He never writes!"